A Love Born of Hate
by Kae Ti
Summary: YAOI, TAITO, angst, language, some violence, DON'T read it if you don't like it, stupid pointless flames are stupid and pointless, yatata-yatata-yatata, set in the Digiworld, season 01. Enjoy! ***EPILOGUE POSTED 26TH OCTOBER 2002***
1. It Boils Beneath the Surface

NOTE: Beware inaccuracies! This fanfic lies! Remember: The Digidestined kids do not really have sleeping bags in the Digiworld. Tai does not really have a compass. Digimon do not really bleed. Kae Ti does not really have much common sense. Having cleared that up, I hope you like the fic!

*Disclaimer* - I don't own the characters, never have done, never will do. Sueing me will earn you all of $5.36 and if you're really that desperate for cash then you can start saving money by getting the hell off the internet. Unless you have a completely free server of course. In which case I envy you greatly. Anyway, on with the fic... 

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A Love Born of Hate (Part One)

It Boils Beneath the Surface

I didn't like Taichi right from the start. I knew he was no good the minute I laid eyes on him in Summer Camp, 'cause all of Takeru's little friends were talking to him. See, I had to look after Takeru but I thought he should make some friends of his own age too, so I hung about with all the little kids. They all thought I was great. Then Tai turned up. 

He was smart and funny and wild and all the things I wasn't, and they all just loved him. Even Takeru liked him. Well, I didn't care. I was used to being on my own - the original loner, me. I don't like depending on anyone else, and I especially don't like having anyone else depending on me. Except Takeru, of course. 

I just stayed out of his way. But of course he was the sort of guy who loved to be loved by everybody, so he came ambling right on up to make friends. No doubt thinking he was so cool. "Konnichiwa! My name's Taichi, or Tai for short. Who are you?" 

I nearly gritted my teeth as I spoke, but I didn't want to betray how I felt. I never do - it's a kind of rule. *Never trust anyone_*_ is my first rule of survival, and I don't give away anything personal about myself without very good reason. Least of all how I'm feeling. "Ishida Yamato." 

"Well, pleased to meet you. You wanna play tag with the little kids?" 

"No, thank you," I replied stiffly. He could run about looking stupid with a bunch of seven year olds if he liked - I have my pride and my dignity. Both happen to be joint second most important things in the world to me. First, of course, is Takeru. 

Tai shrugged indifferently. "Your loss." He went back to his little fan club, and I scowled at his retreating back. 

* * * * *

It could have stayed like that. I would quite happily have hated him all Summer and never made any friends. I never wanted any friends anyway, just so long as little Takeru was happy. But no. We had to enter the Digiworld. And suddenly I was one of seven people destined to save two worlds, and that meant teamwork. 

I hate teamwork. 

The rest of the guys weren't so bad, I suppose. Tai got the Crest of Courage, of course. I can be brave when I need to be. And also, due to his everlasting popularity, he also fell nicely into the place of leader. True, I didn't even want to be leader - but I would have quite happily filled the post to cheat Tai out of taking the place. Of course, I never let anyone know this. Don't you just hate those kind of people who go around baring their souls to the world, peeling back every layer of themselves to show everyone exactly who they really are? I do. They cry all over you when they're upset and they jump around squealing when they're happy, and they want everyone to *know* them so well. I couldn't live like that, I really couldn't. Who I am is my business and my business alone. Then again, I guess Takeru is a bit like one of those people, but that's just because he's little. He'll grow out of it. 

So I pretty much ignored everyone else and devoted myself to looking after Takeru. Oh, and did I mention that I got the Crest of *Friendship*? How dumb is that?! I am, like, the least friendly person the whole world - both worlds, infact. Then I even got paired up with a dumb little digtal monster. Tsunomon, his name is. Actually he's not half bad, he's got a fair bit of spunk in him. I just wish I could sick him onto Tai. 

Takeru really liked Tai, though, and it took me a while to forgive him for that. Oh, I didn't get frosty with him or anything, I couldn't do that to Takeru - but inside I felt betrayed. It wasn't just that he liked Taichi, but that he was such a good judge of character that I knew he must be right, and that meant that Tai actually was a really nice person. So I was just being mean. I guessed at the time that what I was feeling was probably partly jealousy, and once I thought about it a bit I realised that I was, infact, massively jealous. Which was weird, 'cause I've known loads of kids as popular as him and I never got jealous before in my life. I wondered if it meant something, but just put it down to growing up. 

I stayed jealous, for a long time. I hid it so well - I pride myself on hiding what I'm feeling. But time went by, and situations changed, and I began to respect Taichi. I stayed mum about it. Although I hadn't said anything, my silence had spoken for itself and everyone was pretty aware of how I resented Tai. If I started to like him now, everyone would think I was just being like a little kid who sulks for a while and then gets over it. Fickle. Well, I wasn't going to take a blow like that to my pride, admit I had been wrong about him. I don't do the humility and apology thing, I make my mind up and stick to it, because that makes me look strong - _be_ strong. Changing your mind makes you look weak. But I knew inside that, while I stayed fiercely jealous, it wasn't really jealousy of *Tai* that I was feeling anymore. It was jealousy of everyone else for being such good friends with him. 

I never got jealous before Tai, never ever. I used to look down on people who got jealous easily and sneer, because they were letting their emotions control their actions. I ruled my feelings, not the other way around. But now all that was slipping, because I never realised how bad I was getting until it was too late. It was okay when I was just jealous of Tai, because I was jealous of his friendship with people who I didn't particularly want as my friends anyway. So I don't know why I was even jealous - maybe because he had something I thought I couldn't have even if I tried. And then that gradually turned to wanting Tai for a friend and being jealous of the others, which meant I actually *wanted* something and I couldn't have it. I could have, I suppose, just by acting friendly, but... Out of the question, totally out of the question. I couldn't go back on my word and say I liked him after all now. So I just got meaner and more morose, and snapped at everybody. I fought with Tai on every little thing he said, because in a way I still hated him - hated him for making me like him, for making me not be able to get what I wanted without sacrificing my pride. Often I won the fight, but mostly Tai got his way anyway. Everyone else would back Tai up and leave me on my own, the loser of the argument, I *hate* being a loser. I do not lose well. I started to dig the loner thing more and more, sometimes going for walks at night when everyone else was asleep. And still I couldn't understand why I was getting so worked up over it all. And I *HATE* not understanding things. 

Then, one day, we were all walking along through a forest. Tai was leading (surprise!) and I was trailing at the back, scowling and kicking leaves. Takeru was talking to Patamon - I think he was trying not to make me mad. Poor little guy. He's the only person I'll apologise and admit that I'm wrong to. He's my brother and I love him. It's that simple. So I pulled him gently back and knelt down before him, looking into his anxious eyes. Not only was I scaring him a little, I was worrying him too. What right did I have to put my own hate before my little brother's feelings? I was being so selfish, and as far as everyone else was concerned I didn't care, but I wanted to make it up to Takeru. 

"Look, I've been a jerk lately," I started. Takeru began to look relieved as he sensed a confession coming up. "I've had a lot on my mind, which is no excuse, but from now on I promise I'll start trying to be nicer, especially to you, Takeru. I didn't mean to be so moody and I'm sorry." 

"That's okay," said Takeru happily. "I'm just glad you're all right. I was beginning to think there might be something really wrong." 

"Nah, I'm okay," I reassured him. "Don't worry!" 

We began walking again, quickly to catch up with the others. As they came into view, I could just see Tai climbing up the side of a little hillock. He reached the top, turned around and grinned at all of us cheekily as though he had made a mammoth achievement. His hands were on his hips and his legs were slightly apart, his fringe was dangling over those goggles he always wore and the rest of his hair was just all over the place, and my brain churned out a thought. No feeling attached, just the most unexpected thought I've ever had in my life. 

__

*He looks kinda cute when he does that.* 

I squashed that thought fast. I didn't even take the time to ask where it had come from or what it was doing inside my *male* head, I just squashed it quick and hoped and prayed that I would never think it again. Then I concentrated all my efforts on trying to forget I had ever thought it. I avoided looking at Tai and kept walking. It was just a fluke. Guys weren't supposed to think things like that about other guys! But I hadn't - it hadn't happened. So just chill, Matt, and keep walking. 

For the rest of the day, I concentrated on anything and everything that wasn't Tai. At night, when I had nothing else to think about, it was more difficult to ignore what had happened earlier that day. Sleep, not surprisingly, was elusive, and although it was a fairly cool night I felt almost feverish. It was happening all over again... 

flashback 

It was a couple of years back, and Yamato was camping in a tent in his best friend's yard for the night. They were chatting, as friends do, but their eyes were dancing in a way that hinted at more than just friendship. It was an unspoken love between the two - both knew about it and had come to terms with it seperately, only waiting now for the right time to confess to eachother. Yamato especially had been bewildered by his feeling this way for another boy, but he had gradually become used to the idea that he might be gay. They talked and laughed, then suddenly fell silent and just looked at eachother. Yamato finally spoke up. 

"What? Am I growing a third head?" 

Bikiro laughed softly, but Yamato's blunt humor had not dispelled the atmosphere that had been gradually building inside the canvas walls. "No, of course not. It's just that... well, I think I might... um..." His voice trailed away and he hung his head in embarrassment. "Never mind." An electric silence filled the tent, it was now or never, Yamato realised. If he didn't have the guts to speak his mind now, when everything felt so right, then he would never be able to. He cleared his throat. 

"It's okay. I think I know what you were going to say." 

Bikiro looked up nervously. "You do? What?" 

Yamato's insides tensed. "If I've got this wrong, then I'm never going to be able to look you in the face again." 

"Then I think you probably are thinking along the same lines as me." 

Yamato swallowed and took a deep breath. "Dammit, Bik, I love you." 

Bikiro buried his head inside his sleeping bag shyly, but Yamato mistook it for shock. "Oh God, that wasn't what you were going to say, was it? Listen, Bikiro, I'm really sorry, and -" 

"No." Bikiro raised his head and smiled nervously. "You were right, Matt. That was exactly what I wanted to say." The two boys grinned at eachother, a great weight lifted off each of their shoulders. Not sure what to do or say next, they sat staring at eachother. Should they hug? Should they kiss? In the end, Bikiro spoke up again. "So... how long have *you* felt like this?" 

flashforward 

I smiled grimly as I remembered what I had tried to forget for so long. It never really worked out with Bikiro, we never even kissed once, although we would hug often. It was the first time either of us had felt this way about anyone, let alone another guy, and we were just scared. We stayed together for a few months, and then we broke friendship. I still don't know why we split, we just grew apart in the way that friends sometimes do. After it was over, I tried to forget it had happened at all. It was just a youthful experiment, a mistake, the result of hormones let loose. I didn't ever quite forget what happened, I just chose not to remember it. Not to think about it. Whenever a memory did enter my head, I pushed it further away, repressing the experience. I became scared to feel anything for anybody; I drew away from my friends and closed myself off to human contact with all but Takeru - my lifeline to the real world. Emotions were dangerous, the emotions I had felt were *bad*, I was sure of it. Best to keep emotions under lock and key, to hide my personality and be anything but what I really was. Because I didn't know what I really was anymore, and it scared me. After hearing this story, can you begin to understand my hatred for friendship and feelings? 

I couldn't have feelings for Tai. I didn't have feelings for Tai! Lying in the dark, I felt absolutely nothing for Tai. I hadn't felt anything for him when he had stood atop that hillock, I had just thought a random thought with no sentiment attached. I didn't love Tai. Heck, I didn't even like Tai! But I knew in my heart that I did like Tai, and I was terrified that I might start to like him even more - too much. Best to hate him, and to make him hate me. I argued with him all the more. The rest of the group really gave me stick about my attitude sometimes, but I didn't care. All I cared about was hating Tai, and yet I couldn't. We would stand toe to toe, spitting and snarling at eachother, and I would glare into his dark flashing eyes and grow to like him that little bit more. By the end of the month, I couldn't hide it from myself anymore. 

I was falling in love with Tai. 

I hated every moment of it, because I knew he would never feel the same way for me. I was just making myself miserable, but it isn't as easy to fall out of love as it is to fall into it. With Bikiro - I forced myself to think about it - there had been this *something*, I dunno what, an instinct telling me he liked me too. With Tai it just wasn't there. He thought I hated him, we never did anything but argue. Sometimes after a really bad argument, when everyone had gone to sleep, I would cry. I was ashamed of it, but I had to let it out somehow. I would then fall asleep and dream about Tai kissing me and telling me he loved me. That just made me even more worried, because I sometimes talk in my sleep. 

Whenever we needed firewood, or food, or anything like that, Tai would get up and say, "Right, I'm going to get some firewood/food/whatever and I need someone to help me. Who's going to volunteer?" 

Koushiro would just carry on tapping away at his laptop, and Takeru would stay with me. Everyone else would cry "Me, me! No, you went with him last time! It's *my* turn! Tai, please!" 

I would watch them with disgust as they squabbled for the fearless leader's attention. Sooner or later he would pick one of them, and he was always fair. Sometimes he would even convince Koushiro to go with him. But he never asked me once. He assumed I wouldn't want to. By then I wanted so much just to be his friend, but I was also terrified that if I started to like him now then everyone else would suspect my motives. So I suffered in silence. 

There were times, though... 

We were all sat in camp, getting ready to go to sleep. Takeru had already dozed off. Suddenly a low chuckling came from between the trees, and we were alert. "Good work for once, DemiDevimon," growled the voice of Myotismon. "You have found Megastatumon. He will rid us of the Digidestined!" We looked at eachother - Megastatumon? Who the hell was that? 

Our silent question was answered as a low cry of "Freeziwind!" issued forth from the trees, and a blast of icy air ripped through the clearing. I, the mean and moody loner, had already crawled into my sleeping bag, and I ducked into it for shelter from Megastatumon's attack, rolling over to cover Takeru as well. When I resurfaced, I found I had not made it to him in time. My little brother and all my friends had been frozen as still as statues. I waved my hand in front of Takeru's face and he didn't move. I shook his shoulders and he stayed rigid, never even flinching. I began to panic as I heard Myotismon approaching, but Gabumon snapped me out of it. He had been hiding just behind me. 

"Come on, Matt, Myotismon is coming! We have to hide before he realises we dodged Megastatumon's attack!" He was right, but I couldn't just leave Takeru like that... I grabbed my brother and dragged him into the bushes at the side, just as Myotismon, DemiDevimon and a huge white digimon who I assumed must be Megastatumon entered. 

"Very good, very good indeed," Myotismon purred. Then his voice roughened again. "Where are the rest of them?" I held my breath as he counted my friends. "The lanky blond and his little brother are gone... and so is the goggled kid. Find them, now!" 

The goggled kid... Tai? Taichi had escaped too? I sighed my relief - not that I didn't care about the others, but I wouldn't worry about them as much as I would about Tai or Takeru. Then I realised that DemiDevimon was approaching, and I held my breath. He walked straight past our bush and called out "No digidestined here!" Myotismon snarled. 

"They must have run away into the forest. Well, we have their friends. Take them to the castle! So long as the others know their friends are alive, they'll be back." I watched dazedly as they carried away Jyou and Gomamon, Koushiro and Tentomon, Mimi and Palmon, and Sora and Biyomon. All was silent. Then I became aware of a voice whispering my name. 

"Yamato! Yamato? Takeru! Are you guys still there?" I crawled out of my bush and Tai and Agumon came rushing over. "Yamato! Is Takeru okay?" 

I really wish he'd call me Matt like everyone else does - except when they're mad at me, that is. I guess Tai must be permanently mad at me, not that I blame him. "Takeru got frozen by that blast from Megastatumon, but I think he'll recover. Gabumon is okay, at least." 

"Yeah... where's Patamon? Myotismon didn't take him." 

I thought for a moment, then pulled a shaking Patamon out from the very bottom of Takeru's sleeping bag. "It's okay, little guy," I reassured him. "Takeru is right here, and he's going to be okay." Patamon went over to examine Takeru's condition, while I looked Tai squarely in the eye. "We're going to have to work together, aren't we?" My voice sounded neutral, which was an improvement on loathing I supposed, but it didn't do the fluttering feeling in my chest justice. I was going to be working alone with Tai! 

"Yes it does, so we don't need you starting up on everything I say. We can't afford it." I opened my mouth to retort - and closed it again. Tai looked surprised. It was the first time I had backed down from an argument with him, and I don't think he was quite sure of what that meant. Anyhow, we got planning. "Myotismon will have taken them back to his castle, but he'll expect us to follow and he'll be on his guard. We need a really good plan to get them back. Yamato, you know how long this Freeziwind attack will last before Takeru snaps out of it?" 

"No idea," I replied worriedly, looking down at my little brother. Please, Takeru, please be okay... 

"He'll be okay, man," said Taichi, punching my arm gently. I almost laughed - mild violence, the Taichi and Yamato way of supporting eachother! I bit my lower lip and screwed up my fists, thinking of Myotismon. Nobody hurts my little bro and gets away with it. Then I realised Tai was saying stuff again. "...til morning," he was saying. "Then we can start off if Takeru's better. If not... we'll cross that bridge when we come to it." I nodded, not really listening. Curling up next to Takeru, I dozed on and off through the night. 

The next morning, Takeru was no different. I looked across at Tai, but he was asleep... oh God, he looked so sweet. I felt my chest do one of those funny little hops it always does when I see Tai looking absolutely gorgeous, and I felt my eyes fill with tears because I wanted to be able to hold him so much. But then he stretched and started to wake up, so I quickly wiped my eyes and pretended I wasn't looking at him. "Hey, Yamato." It's Matt! I wanted to scream. Please, my friends call me Matt! "How's Takeru doing?" 

"The same," I mumbled, looking at the floor. Taichi sighed. 

"I think we're gonna have to try to rescue the others without him," he said quietly. I leaped to my feet. 

"No WAY! Takeru's my little brother, I can't just leave him somewhere while I go off and do someting else! He's only eight, Tai, how -" 

"He'll have Patamon to look after him, and we can leave Agumon and Gabumon too. He won't be alone. Please, Yamato - the others need our help and I can't do this on my own." 

I snorted incredulously. "YOU are asking for MY help?" That'd shut him up. 

"Yes," he replied steadily. "I am." 

I sat there gawking at him, dumbfounded. My *God*! I thought. My *GOD*! "Okay then," I fianally answered him. "I'll help you. Let's kill the motherfucker who hurt my brother." 

* * * * *

"There it is. That's Myotismon's castle. We need a decoy..." Tai pondered, and I watched him in fascination. After a minute or so, he turned to see what I was staring at. I slid my eyes to the floor in embarrassment. *Stupid little boy,* I cursed myself. *You'll give yourself away!* Tai snapped his fingers suddenly, making me jump. "I've got it!" he cried quietly. "Yamato, you be a distraction. You can make them think that you're me as well by wearing my shirt." He pulled it off over his head and handed it to me, saying "Put it on." I obeyed nervously, taking off my green turtleneck with my back to Tai. "Great!" he enthused. "Doesn't suit you, but if Myotismon's guards just see a blue tee-shirt running through the trees then they'll assume you're me. Perfect!" 

I felt giddy, I was drunk on the scent of Tai woven into the fabric of the shirt I was wearing. "Uh-huh. Sheer genius!" 

Tai gave me a funny look. "Are you feeling okay?" 

"What? Yeah! What I meant was, well, I was being sarcastic. Top-swapping - pff. Anyone could think of that." 

"You didn't." 

"I would've!" I yelled angrily. "What, are you calling me thick?" 

"Give it a rest, Yamato. We've got more important things to worry about, you can fight me later." Truth was, though, I loved fighting with Tai. Not the actual fighting, I hated him hating me, but it was the only time I got physical contact with him. I could wrestle with Tai all day. "Now go on - make yourself seen! I'll try to sneak in and find the others. Follow me in if you can. Good luck!" He thumped me on the arm again and scuttled off. I breathed in a great big lungful of heavenly tee-shirt and got moving. 

"There! Get him!" I yelped - they weren't supposed to have seen me yet! I streaked off through the trees at top speed, trying to shake the digimon, but they were hot on my tail and I could see I wasn't gonna lose them now. The most I could do was to give Tai as much time as possible. I was doing this for Tai. The thought gave me a new burst of speed and I accelerated through the trees, zigzagging around stumps and throwing myself over ditches. But the flying digimon easily caught up, and the others followed, throwing stones to bring me down. I leapt over a ditch that must have been at least seven feet deep, and DemiDevimon swerved, crashing right into me. I yelped and stretched out to grab the opposite side, but I was twisting, falling... 

I landed heavily on my back, and my head smashed down into a conveniently placed rock. My sight fuzzed over and I 

groggily raised myself onto my elbows, gazing up at all the distorted-looking digimon above. A bright shaft of sunlight shone down from a gap in the treetops high above me, and I could see the dark shape of DemiDevimon silhouetted against it. He seemed to swim closer and further, up and down, side to side... 

"Nighty night," he chuckled softly. He disappeared entirely from my vision as the strength flowed out of my arms and 

I fell back senseless to the floor. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Lookin for feedback here, people. If you like it, I'll write part two, if I don't get any feedback I'll assume it's crap and you don't get any more of it. Which may be for the best anyways, but... Hey. Feedback is welcome and appreciated. :) -Kae Ti xx


	2. Solitude and Companionship

*Disclaimer* - I don't own the characters, never have done, never will do. Sueing me will earn you all of $5.36 and if you're really that desperate for cash then you can start saving money by getting the hell off the internet. Unless you have a completely free server of course. In which case I envy you greatly. Anyway, on with the fic... 

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A Love Born of Hate (Part Two)

Solitude and Companionship

I wasn't really sure I wanted to open my eyes, but I did it anyway, squinting them against the bright light. Then I realised there wasn't any bright light, and stopped being such a fool. I painfully raised myself to a sitting position, leaning back against the hard brick wall behind me. My head was beating like a tom-tom. I forced myself to take a look around. 

I was in a dingy prison cell, you know the kind: big rusty iron bars, light from a single slit window way up high by the ceiling, tatters of straw on the floor, and perpetual damp and cold. I wrapped my arms around myself, clutching at Tai's tee-shirt with the ends of my fingers. It provided a small comfort, at least. 

There was a clunking noise from the other end of the prison; someone was unlocking the heavy oaken door. The iron bars just about cut the room in half, with me on one side and the door on the other. I scowled at the digimon who entered, carfully locking the door behind him just in case. Then he turned around and smiled at me. Don't think he had come to rescue me - it was one of the nastiest and most evil smiles I have ever seen in my life. 

"Well, well, what have we here. No, don't tell me - it's Yamato, isn't it? *Dear* little Yamato, all alone with no friends and no digimon, and no digivice or crest either." He gave another cruel smile as I realised in horror that he was right, my digivice and my crest *were* both missing. This was very bad. "No digivice, because we have taken it from you. No crest, because again we have taken it from you. No digimon, because you left him behind. And no friends, because *they* have left *you* behind. Poor little Yamato... his friends have escaped from the big bad castle and left him in the dungeon to his fate. Not even his little brother cared enough to try and save him. Poor, poor Yamato." 

I stared at him numbly for a moment, and then it twigged. He was lying. Of course he was lying! Tai and I don't always get along, but he'd never peg out on me. Tai wouldn't peg out on anyone. Just because he hated me, and we always fought, and I always held the group up by challenging every decision he made, didn't mean... well, the others would have come back to get me, at least. They hate my guts and they think I'm a stand-offish snob and an antisocial jerk, and they're right but... Takeru is my brother. I reminded myself that Takeru was loving, was loyal, was faithful, was my *brother*, was... 

Frozen. 

The numbness crept back into me as I realised that none of them wanted me around, not really. They were all much happier with me out of the way, and at any rate they'd get the job done much quicker without me interfering all the time. They'd gone, and all that had been left to me was Tai's tee-shirt, a reminder of what could never have been. I felt a sob rising in my throat, but I squashed it. 

"So you see it is true,"purred the mystery digimon. He went to the door and I stared after him dazedly. He unlocked it, opened it, then turned to face me with a look of utter contempt. "Crest of Friendship - pah!" He swept out and slammed the door behind him. The key rattled in the lock, seemingly a signal for my tears to begin falling. I pulled my knees up to my chest and buried my head in them, shaking uncontrollably and hitching like a girl. They'd gone, and I was all on my own. 

I began to feel the familiar fierce rage building inside me, I scrambled gasping to my feet. I ran to the railings and kicked them as hard as I could, wiping the snot from my nose with the back of my hand. So what? Who cared? I'd never needed them before, how come I was so cut up over not having the losers around now? I wasn't. I reinforced the message with another kick. I'd get out without their help, so the lot of them could sit and swivel on it. I am Ishida Yamato, I told myself, certified loner. I don't need nobody else, and nobody else don't need me no more neither. And I like it fine that way. I retreated to the corner and curled up into a ball, thinking dark thoughts until my eyelids finally fell shut over hate-filled eyes. 

* * * * *

Two days passed. I got pieces of stale bread and scraps of what looked like vegetable skins - you know, potato, carrot, that sort of stuff - but even that I didn't get too much of. I got a bit of water, too - I suppose I was lucky, at least they wanted me alive. I didn't feel lucky, though. Mostly I just felt mad, and determined to escape. I had to prove to myself that I didn't need them to get out. Especially not that bastard Tai. 

I think I got sick. I remember sneezing and coughing, and hearing things that weren't really there. I remember lying on the floor, boiling hot and yet freezing cold at the same time, sweating, shivering. I thought I could hear Gabumon's voice calling my name. "Matt... Matt... Yamato... Matt..." Over and over again. I opened my eyes blearily but there was nobody there, I figured at the time that my mind must be playing tricks on me. I wondered then why even Gabumon had deserted me. Maybe it was because I didn't have the digivice anymore. Maybe it was just because I'm not a nice person to know. Maybe he had just been waiting for the right time to give me the slip. Maybe any of the above, maybe all. Maybe I didn't care anymore anyway. But I did. I repressed caring, maybe - but I never actually stopped. 

During the fever, I lost all track of time. It could have been twenty-four hours, it could have been a week. But I came out of it with no strength left to be mad with and the most desperate feeling of loneliness I have ever experienced in my life. Funny - I had spent the whole time in Digiworld trying to cut myself off from everyone else, and now I was finally alone all that I wanted was to have everyone back. Not that I'd admit it to myself at the time, of course, but I'd have given an arm and a leg just to see them all again. I kicked the railings moodily, but my heart wasn't in it. I just wanted to lie down and die. 

I heard the key rattle in the lock of the door and I scowled at it. No doubt my keeper, bringing me the daily scraps that passed for my food. But no keeper swaggered brassily into the dungeon; the door was fully open but nobody stepped through for a moment. Then Tai's head poked round the door, his shock of hair bouncing up and down with the sudden movement. When he saw me, he grinned and waved. I simply stared at him, dumbfounded. It couldn't be real! But it was real - I knew that it was the minute he spoke. 

"Hey, Yamato," he whispered. "I've come to get my tee-shirt back!" Then he grinned that cheeky grin of his again and ran over to my cell, deftly sorting through the fat buch of keys he was holding. I could only stammer. 

"What... how... why..." 

"Let's take those questions one at a time, in that order, and answer them. What - at the moment, I'm desperately trying each and every one of these keys in that lock to try and get you out. How - by getting Greymon to Novablast the pathetic excuse for a guard. He's run off clutching his smoking pants, so we don't have long. As for why - aha!" The gate swung open and Tai dragged me out by one arm. "Like I said, I wanted my tee-shirt back. Oh, and here - your digivice and your crest. I nicked them out of the trophy cabinet in the main hallway. Now let's go!" We headed for the door, and once through it I found myself set upon by... Gabumon. 

"Matt! Oh, I'm so glad you're okay! We've gotta get out of here, Matt, come on." Tai, Agumon and Gabumon began to lead me down the corridor. I was still kinda dazed, I couldn't believe Tai had risked so much for me. If I hadn't been able to feel his hand on my elbow like it was made of white-hot iron, I would have sworn I was hallucinating. 

"Uh... where are the others?" I asked. 

"Outside," Tai replied. "I managed to get them out when we first hatched our little plan. We searched everywhere for you, but it wasn't until DemiDevimon told me you were being imprisoned here that we realised -" 

I stopped short, hardly daring to believe my ears. "*WHO* told you I was here?" 

"DemiDevimon... why?" 

Tai can be such an impulsive little idiot! "Because, you jerk," I hissed fiercely, "if DemiDevimon wanted you to know I'm here, he must have wanted you to rescue me! So, my enormously intellectual digi-dodo comrade, this must be a -" 

"Trap." Myotismon leered down at us as he stepped out from behind a corner, a small army of other digimon behind him. "And you have both fallen directly into it. Now I have two digi-destined children instead of just one, and both their digimon to boot. Take 'em away, boys!" He looked directly at me with those sharp, icy eyes of his and pressed his lips together in a thin, cruel smile. "Back to the dungeon you go, boy." 

I was mad with Tai. I was so mad, because Myotismon had laid him a trap and he had walked right into it, trying to rescue me - me who had given up on him anyway, faithless child that I was. I wasn't worth it. But what Tai did next threw me completely. He stepped in front of me, as if to protect me from Myotismon, and clenched his fists. "I don't think so," he said in a clear and fierce voice. "You're gonna leave him... us, alone. Let's go, Agumon!" 

Pandemonium broke loose at this unexpected rebellion. 

"Quickly, get the digimon before they digivolve!" 

"Pepperbreath!" 

"Gabumon, digivolve to... Garurumon!" 

"Agumon, digivolve to... Greymon!" 

"Tatterpoke!" 

"Howling Blaster!" 

"Awk!" 

"Novablast!" 

"Aargh!" 

Greymon's head was nearly touching the ceiling as he shot fireballs in all directions. I looked around for Myotismon, but he seemed to have disappeared. At least, I couldn't see him from where I was standing. But then I suddenly couldn't see anything from where I was standing, as a great cloud of ominous dark green gas filled the corridor. Instantly I clapped a hand over Tai's mouth from behind, inadvertently grabbing him round the waist as I did so. However, this wasn't a time for romantic fantasies, it was a time for getting the hell out of there. "Don't breathe it in!" I yelled at Tai amid the noise and confusion. I felt him nod and let him go. He grabbed me by the wrist and we started trying to push our way through. 

"Greymon! Garurumon!" Tai called out, but he couldn't risk wasting precious breath on saying anything else. I could hear Garurumon's faint reply from somewhere behind me. 

"Tai... I'm here... Matt... Where... are..." I strained my ears but heard nothing more. I pulled away from Tai's grasp and began heading back into the thickest part of the swirling green fog, but he yanked me round and tried to drag me on. 

"Tai, I have to! I can't just..." I had no breath left in me to finish, my head was pounding through lack of oxygen. Tai hesitated for a split second, then pushed me on through the fray. "Go!" he called out to me... and vanished back into gas-cloud in search of my digi-friend. I peered anxiously after him, debating whether or not to follow him up, but then the corridor seemed to tilt to one side and I knew I had to get out fast. Shoving others aside, I scrambled out of the mist and straight into Myotismon's waiting grasp. He lifted me clear off the floor by the back of my (sorry, *Tai*'s) tee-shirt and pushed his blurred face into mine. 

"Out of the fat," he whispered, "and into the fire. You're coming with me, boy." 

"Tai!" I screamed (yeah, it was a scream), "Get out! Get out of there! Ge - ...oh no. Oh, *no*. No!" 

DemiDevimon dragged Tai unconscious out of the smog, shortly followed by the pitiful forms of Tsunomon and Koromon. The gas had forced them to de-digivolve all the way back down to their basic levels. The bat-like digimon frisked Tai for his crest, digivice and telescope, and Myotismon similarly relieved me of *my* crest and digivice. Once he had procured those items, though, he didn't bother checking my back pocket, which still contained my precious harmonica. Not that music would help me escape... at least, not physically. Tai had been caught, and it was all my fault. 

* * * * * 

I sat lonely in my cell, warbling out an old country and western on my harmonica. I had bunched up a little straw underneath Tai's head, but other than that I figured the only thing I could do was wait for him to wake up. As for our digimon... well, I didn't know where the hell they were. Without us, they would be unable to digivolve anyway, and as the puny Koromon and Tsunomon they didn't stand a chance of escaping. Here we would all stay until the next hapless member of our group mounted a rescuse mission that was doomed to failure before it had even started. Eventually they would have all seven of us, and then... I shuddered. I didn't even want to think about what would happen then. 

I brought the harmonica down from my lips and stared off across the room thoughtfully. No prizes for guessing who I was thinking about. But the line that kept replaying in my mind, over and over like a jingle from a TV commercial that you can't get out of your head, was the one that Tai had said just after we had run into Myotismon. 

"You're gonna leave him... us, alone... You're gonna leave him... us, alone..." 

I would have been happy enough if he had just said *us*, happier still if he had said *him*, because it looked as though he was finally accepting me as a friend. That meant more to me than anything in the world. More than my pride, I knew that then. It was only my pride itself that had kept me from seeing it before. Perhaps it meant even more than Takeru, I didn't know. My perfectly neat, ordered and controlled lifestyle had been completely blown apart, and I wasn't sure of anything much anymore. 

But why say one, then correct himself with the other? As though I wasn't meant to hear that he cared about me, even if it was just as a friend. As though it were a slip of the tongue, a secret maybe. He was acting almost like me, pretending he didn't care about me at all. So there wouldn't be a chance of me thinking the truth. What truth? Maybe that he cared about me much, much, much more than he was letting on... 

"NO!" 

I yelled the word aloud, thumping my fist onto the concrete floor. I had to be wary of this, I had known for a long time that it might happen. That I might start to delude myself, trying to tell myself that Tai loved me back, living in a fantasy world. Raising my hopes, maybe even fooling myself to the point where I felt it was time to confess my feelings. And then... all hell would break loose. I couldn't let myself fall into that trap. It was a lethal one. This was getting beyond a joke, it was becoming dangerous. Enough, Cupid, you've had your fun, I thought. Time for me to fall out of love. I hardened my heart and built a strong shell of resolve around me. I was going to fall out of love with Tai *right now*. I turned to look at him with narrow eyes, and he just led there. Sweet and innocent, calm and peaceful, not even *doing* anything, dammit, but still the shell dissolved, my heart melted and my eyes went all dewey. It was hopeless. I was madly in love with Tai and there was nothing I, nor anyone else for that matter, could do about it. Once again, I put my head on my knees and wept. 

"Get over yourself, Matt," I snuffled. "The d-day Myotismon dances the hokey-cokey in a pink t-tutu is the day that you and Tai get to-g-gether." I ran my fingers through my scruffy hair, and felt like tearing it out. of my scalp. Rip. Just like that. Great big clumps of Matt-hair strewn across the cell floor. More straw for Tai! I thought, slightly hysterically. In an effort to maintain my grip on reality, I brought my harmonica back to my lips, but the only sounds I could produce were tuneless sobbing blasts. I gave up and allowed it to clatter to the floor like so much junk. I collapsed miserably onto one side and sobbed unashamedly into a world that wasn't listening and didn't care. 

I think I had a breakdown that day. Maybe not a huge one, not very big at all, in fact, but I'm positive that's what it was. I was aware of time passing, but not of just how much - a few hours, maybe. I was too depressed to be bored. At one point I even looked around the bare cell for something with which to end my miserable existence, but there was nothing. Whether I would have gone ahead and committed suicide if there had been I still don't know, but I believe that, in that state, the human being is capable of anything. Including - *especially* - self-destruction. 

Eventually, I gradually began to come out of it. The sobs became less, as did the tears, and I found I could pull myself back into a sitting position. I couldn't check on the time, but I figured had been off the planet for a good two and a half hours. Maybe I had just needed to escape for a while, I dunno, and going plain crazy was the only way I could. Well, it was over. Ishida is back in the driving seat, I told myself wearily. And he's drivin' good. Drivin' good I might be, but feelin' good I was not. There was actually a medium-sized puddle of tears on the floor where I had been crying for a hundred and fifty minutes solid. I rubbed at my eyes with the heel of my hand and sniffed a bit. Jeez, what a baby. 

Tai suddenly sat bolt upright, nearly giving me a heart attack. "Man, what the hell...?" 

"Welcome to Hotel Dungeon," I joked wearily, keeping my head down so he wouldn't see my red eyes. Not that he would have probably been able to in the dim light anyway, but I wasn't taking any chances. "If you need anything, please feel free to shout for it. You'll receive a smack in the mouth for your efforts." 

"Man..." Tai was shaking his head slowly. "I feel rough." He took a good look around, then asked, "Where're Agumon and Gabumon?" 

"I don't have a clue where *Koromon* and *Tsunomon* are," I replied calmly. Tai looked at me disbelievingly. 

"You know, Yamato -" *MATT!* I screamed silently "- I honestly don't know how you can be like that." 

I cringed inwardly. I really didn't want to fight with Tai, not now, but I felt powerless to stop it. "Like what?" 

"Our digimon are de-digivolved, we're captured with no hope of escape, and all our friends are going to be captured soon too, including Takeru - your brother, Takeru! And you just don't care!" 

Oh, I care all right, I thought. Just because I don't show it, doesn't mean I don't care. I didn't say that though, of course. Instead I said, "If I got all het up like you, would it help?" 

Tai thumped the floor. "Dude, you're so COLD all the time! Takeru is up there crying his eyes out because he wants to see his brother, he misses you, man, and you're down here like I-don't-give-a-shit! I know you *don't* give a shit about the rest of us, but you do about Takeru and we all know it. There's nothing wrong with caring, man, so why pretend that you don't all the time? It's not tough, it's not cool. It's just stupid!" 

That did it. I launched myself at him, took him by surprise and wrestled him to the floor. He was struggling hard, but I had the advantage and he knew it. "Take it back!" I yelled. Go on, take it back!" 

"Man, I only said you were stupid and I say that all the time! What's with you?" 

"Not that! The other thing!" 

"WHAT other thing?" 

But it wasn't anything he'd called me that got me mad, it was an observation he'd made. That I did care, but I tried to hide it. God knows why he bothered, but slowly and surely Tai was beginning to figure me out, to understand me. And that was what I wanted him to take back. I don't want to be understood, just to be left alone, but Tai evidently wasn't going to let that happen. He looked up at me with suspiscious dark eyes, and I swallowed hard. Those eyes scared the hell out of me. Just watch me get to the bottom of this, they said. Our eyes bored into eachother's, and I kept mine filled with as much hate as was possible. I didn't know whether Tai was much good at reading the expressions in people's eyes, he hadn't seemed the observant type. Until now, that is. For a fraction of a second, I thought I saw something in his eyes that was - well, I couldn't tell. It was there and gone in a flash. His face hardened again, and when he spoke it was with complete lack of emotion. 

"Dude, you're shaking." 

It was another observation of weakness, the stuff I tried to hide and pretended I didn't have. "No I'm not." It was a ridiculously obvious lie - I was trembling like a leaf. 

"Man, look at yourself! What is with you?" I muttered something unintelligible and made to roll off, but Tai hadn't finished with me yet. He shoved me over and pinned me down, and I didn't have the strength to fight him. I was beginning to feel like crying - again. Man, I am so screwed up. "All right, Yamato, out with it. What's your problem?" 

"You," I snarled. It wasn't a lie. Tai gave a yell of indignance and frustration. 

"Man, I saved your ass back there!" 

"Yeah... and you did it so well that I'm now sat captured in a dungeon." 

"Christ, talk about a lack of gratitude! At least I tried, which is probably more than you'd do for me!" 

"Probably," I agreed, smirking. He had no idea that I'd go to the end of the world - either world - hell, BOTH worlds! - for him. That got him mad, though. His eyes were almost shooting sparks at me, and I couldn't look at them any longer. I closed my eyes. 

"Yamato, dammit, look at me when I'm talking to you!" 

I couldn't. My eyes were tired of always disguising how I really felt, and they wouldn't do it anymore. So I had to keep them closed. 

"DAMMIT, NOW!" 

I was sick of resisting, sick of hiding it. Tai wanted me to look at him, fine. What would happen would happen. 

"That's more like it! Now... Yamato? Have you been -" 

"Have I been what?" I asked dully. 

"Well, uh... crying?" 

Oh, that was good. Have I been crying. I gave him the chance to see into my soul, to realise what I felt. What he did was his choice, I had thrown myself upon his mercy. Even if he had just been disgusted and vowed never to talk to me again, it would have at least cleared the air. But no, he hadn't even noticed. Just had I been crying. 

"Uh..." 

"Tai? Matt? Are you guys down there?" The light was blocked, and the voice was coming from where it once had shone. "Guys?" 

Tai rolled off me swiftly, with a guilty expression on his face. Guilty? I thought. We fight all the time. Why is he guilty about it now? Probably doesn't want to worry his precious *Sora*, I concluded. I hate her. Not that she was any contendor as far as romance was concerned, everyone else thought they would end up dating eventually but I could see they were just good friends. Sora might want something more one day, but Tai definitely wasn't interested. No, it was their strong friendship I was jealous of. They always support eachother, and laugh at eachother's jokes, and all that other friendship stuff. I'd have killed for a friendship that strong with Tai. For a friendship of any kind with Tai. 

"We're down here! Is that you, Sora?" 

"Uh huh. Don't worry, we'll have you out in no time." 

"Sora, it's a trap! They want you all to rescue us so they can capture you too. They're expecting you!" 

"Maybe. But they're not expecting this. Stand back!" 

We scrambled out of the way, as a bellow of "Harpoon Torpedo!" filled the air. There was an explosion and the opposite wall shattered. Chunks of brick flew in all directions, I grabbed Tai and pulled him to my chest as a brick imbedded itself in the wall where his head had been a digi-second before. He stayed there for a moment - frozen in shock, I guess - then jerked away, eyeing me suspisciously. "Dude..." then his face cleared, and he punched me on the arm. "Thanks. I owe you one." 

"No..." I took a deep breath, then just said it. "We're even. I owed you from when you tried to get me out before - I was wro -" *Say* it, Matt! I commanded. "I was wrong to yell at you when you were just helping me. I'm, uh... sorry." 

Tai stared at me in amazement. "Dude! Will wonders never cease?" 

"Don't push it, kid," I growled. Secretly, though, I was pleased - he had noticed what a sacrifice it had been, and I think he accepted my apology. 

"Guys, come on! Get out of there!" Sora called. We grinned at eachother, and began climbing the rubble. Tai got ahead of me, then reached back to give me a hand. I gave him a look - you know, I am big and tough and I don't need no help - so he rolled his eyes, grabbed my wrist and pulled me up anyway. We reached the top hand in hand, and I felt like exploding with happiness. It was official, we were friends. 

"Matt!" screeched Takeru. "Oh Matt, I -" 

"Hold it right there." Shadows fell over all seven kids and five digimon - Myotismon and DemiDevimon leading an entire army of virus digimon. Looming over all of them was Megastatumon. He leaned down to us and bellowed. 

"FREEZIWIND!" 

Tai threw himself flat on the floor beside me, and the digimon protected each of their partners with their own personal attack. But as for me... 

A deathly cold enveloped my body, freezing my mind and senses. Hearing was last to go, I heard Tai scream my name in terror. 

"MMAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTT!!!" 

He called me Matt, I realised dimly. Wow. It was the last thing I thought before I toppled stiffly to the floor. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Well, that's part two and, as you can see, it's still not finished. Don't ask me how many parts there are going to be because I don't know any more than you do! Me write more, oui? =D -Kae Ti xx


	3. Hurt Can Be Forgiven

Body *Disclaimer* - I don't own the characters, never have done, never will do. Sueing me will earn you all of $5.36 and if you're really that desperate for cash then you can start saving money by getting the hell off the internet. Unless you have a completely free server of course. In which case I envy you greatly. Anyway, on with the fic... 

**A Love Born of Hate (Part Three)**

"Matt? I know you can't hear me, but it'll be okay. I'll look after you. Anytime you wanna wake up, I'll be here, all right?" 

Tai? I thought. Is that you? I tried to open my eyes but they were too heavy, I tried to speak but I couldn't even move my lips. I felt like I was slowly coming out of the longest, deepest sleep in the world. 

"We won the battle, Matt; Sora and Birdramon went to rescue Koromon and Tsunomon. Then they digivolved to MetalGreymon and Garurumon, and the virus digimon had to retreat. We brought you into the forest where it's safe, and everyone else is asleep at the moment. But I'll look after you, Matt." I felt a light kiss on my cheek. "I love you." 

I cracked my eyes open, and found my voice. "Tai?" 

"Huh? Matt! Oh, you're okay!" Takeru flung himself onto me in a massive bearhug. "Hey Tai, Patamon, everyone, wake up! Matt's awake!" 

Takeru. Bitter disappointment ripped brutally through my being as I saw Tai raise his head sleepily, on the other side of the clearing. That's what you get for letting yourself hope, I reprimanded myself viciously. Then I realised in horror what I was thinking - I was disappointed at seeing Takeru, own brother! How could I? I gave him an extra-hard hug, now comforted by his presence. My Takeru, who would stand by me and love me unconditionally no matter what. It was more than I deserved, at any rate. 

Tai grinned at me. "Hey, Yamato. How're ya doing?" 

It was *Yamato* again, I noted. Oh well, you can't win 'em all. "Okay, I guess." I would have asked how he and everyone else was doing, but I could see they were all fine and besides... that would have been too much like caring. "Uh, Takeru, I can hardly breathe..." 

"Oh. Sorry, Matt." 

"S'okay... C'mere, you!" I grabbed him in another bear-hug, and he giggled. It sure felt good to be needed. "Hey, Otouto-chan, you got anything to eat there, li'l buddy?" 

"Ne, Tai ate it all." I grinned - sounded about right. Tai looked mildly offended, though. 

"I didn't eat all of it!" 

"You calling my little brother a liar?" I yelled in mock fury. "Huh? HUH? ARE YA?" 

Tai fell to his knees in front of me and put a terrified, pleading expression on his face. "No, no, please, Mister Ishida, I'm sorry! I'll never say anything about Mister Takaishi again, just please don't hurt me!" 

I hadn't expected him to join in the game. This was fun. I shook my head sternly. "Put your hand out in front of you." Tai obeyed slowly, seemingly petrified of what I might do to him. It trembled before me in an exaggerated way. Takeru giggled. "Go on, Big Takaishi," I growled in my best American hit-man accent. Takeru looked up at me questioningly. 

"Watcha want me to do, Matt?" he asked innocently. 

"You don't KNOW?" I asked in shock. Takeru shook his head. "Slap 'im!" I yelled. "Smack 'is 'and!" 

"No!" squealed Taichi, snatching his hand back. "Please, anything but that!" 

"You called my brother a liar, Kamiya!" I roared. "Now you will pay the price! Hand! Out! NOW!" 

Tai reluctantly put his hand back out in front of us. I looked at Takeru. He grinned. 

"Tai, if you *promise* never to say anything bad about me or Matt ever again..." 

"Oh, I swear!" Tai promised fervently. "Thank you, Mister Takaishi! Thank you!" 

"Ah, yer soft." I pushed a happy Takeru off me just in time to be assailed by a set of flying blue and white stripes. "Gabumon! Are you okay?" 

"I'm fine, Matt. I thought you were never going to wake up!" 

"He didn't want to sleep," put in Palmon quietly. "I made him, though. He was gonna lie there all day and all night just waiting for you to come round." I shook my head disapprovingly at my faithful digimon, but I would have expected nothing less from Gabumon. He was as stubborn as me sometimes. 

"How long have I been out for?" I asked. 

"About eighteen hours," Tai replied. "You must be starving, I'll go with Sora to find some food. Sora! We gotta..." 

He ambled off into the forest, leaving me to sit with Gabumon and listen to Takeru's endless chatter. I found that chatter comforting, somehow, so long as he was happy and safe then I could just about hold my world together. I need him as much as he needs me... I guess you could say, I need him to need me. And that's a lot of needing. And don't you ever get that, when you say one word too much and it starts to sound really weird? Need need need. Weird. Yup, Yamato Ishida has officially gone completely insane. Aw, shaddup. I'm just tired, leave me alone. 

Twenty minutes later, Tai and Sora were back with some kind of vegetables that looked like nothing I've ever seen in the real world. It was the size and shape of a pineapple, but it had rubbery skin like a banana. And it was the color of a tangerine. It tasted... well, all right, I guess. I've had better. 

We spent most of the day just lounging about, having a laugh. When evening rolled round, Tai called a meeting to discuss what we would do the next day. 

"Okay," he began, "tomorow we're moving on again. I -" 

"Taaiiiiii! We only just stooooopped!" That was Mimi, obviously. "Can't we have just one more day's rest? Puh-leeeeeaaasse?" 

"No, Mimi, we can't," I told her. "Tai wants to push us all to the brink of exhaustion and then drop us off it, one by one. He wants to hear us scream." I was only joking - and I was quite proud of myself for doing the social thing so well after so much time out of practise, too. But Mister Big Shot seemed to not be in a joking mood. 

"If you want to stay here, Yamato, fine. But we're still not all that far from Myotismon's standing, chiefly because of *you*, so have a little gratitude, hmm?" 

"Hey, chill, dude! I was making with the funny." 

"Well, make with it someplace else. This is a serious meeting." 

"Aww, don't be such a stick-in-the-mud." 

"I'm not a stick-in-the-mud!" Tai yelled. "I'm trying to keep your ass out of trouble, because from what I remember you don't seem to be very good at looking after it yourself!" 

"And what's that supposed to mean?" I yelled back furiously, jumping to my feet. 

"Just that it wasn't me who got stuck in Myotismon's dungeon for days on end!" 

"I like that! It was your dumb plan that got me caught in the first place. And at least I don't walk head-first into VERY obvious traps, unlike SOMEbody I could mention!" 

"Well, excuse my happening to give a damn whether you live or die! Excuse my happening to CARE!" 

"Care? You?" I snorted scornfully. "Since when?" Then it sunk in, what he had said... he actually TOLD me he cared! In front of everyone, he actually SAID it! And then I said... oh no. What had I done? He looked hurt, like he'd just given me his most precious possession as a gift and I'd deliberately smashed it in front of his face. He turned and began to walk away. 

"I'm going for a walk," he said in a a voice that was meant to be hard and cold, but nonetheless shook ever so slightly. I'd torn it now. I started after him. 

"No, Tai, I... I didn't mean... Tai - Tai, wait! Tai..." 

He walked faster. "Leave me alone, Yamato!" he called over his shoulder. "I'm just going for a walk, that's all." 

"Tai..." He broke into a run and was gone. I slammed my fist into a tree in frustration. Nice going, Ishida. Real smooth. I trailed back to the group, dragging my feet. I glanced briefly at them - most just looked upset or confused (usually I was the one who freaked out and ran off), but one or two sets of eyes seemed hostile and accusing. I don't remember which ones, I was too upset to think clearly. "I, uh, might go for a walk too." I trailed back off again, and not a word was spoken behind me. This time, I deliberately took the opposite direction to Tai. I had screwed up real bad this time, he was never gonna forgive me for this. 

I walked for a couple of minutes, then sat down behind a tree. I just stayed there for about five minutes, not moving, then I sighed and dragged out my trusty harmonica. I put it to my lips and began to play. It wasn't a tune I'd learnt, I just made it up as I went along. To hear me play, you would have thought the instrument was called a harmisery. I don't know how long I played for, I was lost in the music and I would have been oblivious to a brass band, let alone something as subtle as time. Eventually I put the little music-maker away, and contemplated going back. After all, I couldn't stay out here for ever... but I dreaded facing Tai. In a minute, I promised myself. I'll go back in a minute. A minute was all it took my exhausted body to fall into a troubled sleep. 

I dreamed... about lots of crazy stuff. Mainly Tai, and how much I'd hurt him. I kept seeing his face, just after I gave him that emotional smack in the mouth. How COULD I have? I was on a stage, collecting an award. Sora was presenting it, she was holding up a massive golden plaque and saying something. "And the winner of the Bastard of the Year Award... ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Mister Ishida Yamato!" The rest of the digi-destined were in the front row, clapping and cheering for all they were worth. Mimi had tears in her eyes, Joe was telling Koushiro how great it was to be around me, because he never had to worry about anything going wrong so long as I was there. Koushiro was nodding agreement and tapping on his laptop, spreading the great news all round the world via the net. And Takeru was yelling up at me, telling me how brilliant it was to have a big brother that he could look up to and be proud of. And at the very back of the hall was Tai, just looking at me with that heartbroken expression on his face. I woke up with a start. I was crying. Great. 

I had no idea how late it was, but I felt like I'd been sleeping for at least a couple of hours. The others would be frantic - I had gotten over the 'nobody cares' phase. I knew they'd be frantic, especially Takeru. I had to get back... but not yet. First I had to dry my eyes. 

I stiffened as I heard a noise almost right behind me. It's them! I thought. Sora and Koushiro and all the rest of them and maybe Taichi too, and they're gonna catch me crying... Never. Not in a million years, I'd never live it down and they'd tease me forever. Well, maybe not tease, but bring it up now and then in the topic of conversation, and natter about it while I burned with hatred for all their emotionalism. Not if I could help it. I upped and ran. 

"What the..?" It had only been a couple of digimon I didn''t know, out for a late night stroll. I'd scared them out of their wits when I burst out from behind my tree like that. I began to slow down, but then, to my left, I heard the calls of my friends. 

"Matt! Over here! We've been looking for you for *ages*. Are you all right? Yamato..." 

I froze. My eyes were still bright red from crying and if they got any closer they'd see that straight away. If Tai saw - wait a minute. I did a double take. TAI?! What was he doing here? It was true, though, he was leading the group in their search for me. After all I'd said to hurt him he still wanted to make sure I was okay. My knees felt weak as a tide of pain ripped through me - I didn't deserve this. I didn't deserve Tai's friendship, I didn't deserve any of their friendship. But they didn't care about that, and I didn't understand it. 

Sora suddenly stepped forward and whispered something in Tai's ear. Tai looked surprised for a moment, then studied me more intently. He spoke. "Yamato... have you been -" 

My red eyes! Tai was already beginning to move swiftly towards me, in a couple more seconds he would know for sure. I whirled around and ran back into the trees, not knowing where I was going, not caring, only panicking. I had to get away. I could hear the others yelling exasperatedly at me, but I didn't stop. They all thought I was the tough one. If they saw me crying, it would complicate *everything*. 

Fortunately for me, I have a pretty good sense of direction. I had an idea of the way back to camp so I began making my way there, drying my eyes along the way. If I could get back before them then I could pretend to be asleep. Then maybe they wouldn't bother to wake me up and by the morning they might have forgotten about the whole thing. Yeah, right. But I'd deal with tomorrow tomorrow. I just wanted out at that moment, and sleep seemed the best way to go about it. 

I wasn't far from camp, I realised. After only a couple of minutes jogging I could see the campfire's faint glow between the trees, and I broke into a full run. I wanted to make sure I got there well before the others did. But it was dark, and I wasn't looking where I was going anyway. My right foot sprinted straight into a large rock. 

"AAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHH!" I shoved my clenched fist into my mouth, but it was too late. The damage had been done. Thirteen shapes (that's including the digimon) appeared from the forest behind me, sprinting up to where I was standing. I tried to run, but I could only manage a limping trot. The others caught up easily, all talking at once. 

"Matt, sit down and let me take a look at that foot." That was Sora's voice, rising above those of the other digi-destined. I gave up and sat down with my foot stuck out awkwardly in front of me. At least I didn't look like I'd been crying any more. I hardly dared look up at Tai, not after what I'd said to him, but I made myself do it. Oh God - he looked FURIOUS. I swallowed and shrank back against the tree I was leaning on. But I was determined that, when he started yelling, I wouldn't yell back. Not this time. I was going to take every insult he spat at me, I owed him that at least. He glared straight into my eyes and I stopped breathing. Here it came. 

Tai suddenly spun round on his heel and began to walk away. "I'm gonna KILL them," he hissed. "Come on, Agumon. When I get my hands on them, they are *dead*." 

I gaped in confusion. "Huh? Tai, where are you going?" 

Tai turned back round to look at me, still with an expression of fierceness on his face, but now it was laced with grim determination, too. "To kick some digimon butt, Yamato. What else?" 

"What? But - but WHY?" I spluttered. 

"Why? WHY? How can you ask me WHY? Nobody beats up on my friend and gets away with it!" 

"What are you on about, Tai? Have you lost your mind?" 

"Oh, come on, Yamato. We all saw those digimon that you were running from. Everyone gets beat up on from time to time, don't go all too-proud-to-admit-I-got-my-ass-kicked on me now." 

"Tai, they didnt' touch me! I ran because..." I stopped. What was I supposed to say? I sighed and shook my head. "Drop it, Tai, they weren't beating up on me." 

"Oh really? Then why WERE you running from them, huh?" 

Because I thought it was you, and I didn't want you to see that I was crying. No way in HELL was I telling him that, especially not in front of all the others as well! "Tai, I... I can't tell you. But they weren't trying to hurt me, okay?" 

Tai shook his head vehemently. "No. *Not* okay. I know you're too proud to admit it, Yamato, but you don't have any other explanation, do you? So excuse me while Agumon and I go and beat six different colors of shit out of them. We'll be back soon." 

"Tai, wait! They didn't... they weren't... TAI!" But he was gone. I sighed in exasperation, but I was smiling all over inside. Tai was trying to protect me. He had the wrong end of the stick entirely, of course, but he was still having a good go at bashing evil over the head with it... for me. Good old Tai. And yet... the smile left, and a frown took its place. I didn't deserve it. Everything I'd said to him, how much I'd hurt him, and he still stood up for me. I'd looked down my nose at the fact that he cared, and yet he carried on caring. Why? 

"Okay, Matt, this is probably gonna hurt..." I winced as Sora tugged off my sneaker, bringing me back to reality. Mimi covered her eyes and moaned. 

"Oh..." she whimpered. "Oh, all the blood..." 

"Mimi, there isn't any blood," Jyou told her. "You can open your eyes." 

I sighed in relief, then raised my head to look at Sora. "Is it broken?" 

"I don't know, I'm gonna have to take your sock off." 

"EWW! But Matt's feet are probably really CHEEESY!" 

I considered telling Mimi to shut up, but figured I'd hurt enough feelings for one night. I hissed in air through my teeth as Sora peeled my sock down and slid it off, and Takeru squeezed my hand worriedly. I squeezed it back and smiled at him. "I'm fine," I whispered. "I just knocked it is all." Takeru nodded, comforted. Sora poked my toe gently, and I cleared my throat at her. She ignored me and carried on prodding. "Uh, Sora... that kinda hurts..." 

"It's okay. It's not broken, but it's bruised pretty badly. You'll have a limp for a couple of days, but that's about it. We'll help you back to the campfire." She helped me to my feet, then instructed Mimi and Jyou to support me on either side. 

"Why can't Koushiro do it?" walied Mimi. "I'm tired!" 

"Because you and Jyou are the tallest," Sora replied firmly. Come on, Mimi, it's not far." Grumbling, Mimi helped Jyou support me as I hopped over to the fire. I collapsed onto the ground and muttered my thanks, then closed my eyes. As soon as Tai got back, I was hitting the sack. But not before. I owed it to him to make sure he was okay before I went to sleep. 

Five minutes later, Agumon and a very annoyed looking Tai reappeared. "They've vanished," Tai said, scowling. "We couldn't find them." I was relieved - I didn't want to be the cause of two innocent digimon getting pounded into the dirt, and Tai looked set to kill. 

Half an hour later, everyone was asleep except me. I was dead beat, but I couldn't sleep because I was still trying to puzzle out Tai's behaviour. He couldn't have forgotten what I'd said to him, so he must have forgiven me for it. But why? I would have understood it if he had forgiven me after a few days or something, but this had been immediate. And I still couldn't figure out what it was that made him still care after I'd... well, you know. Scorned his care. I sighed and turned over, and my eyes met Tai's. We both started. "Hey," I whispered. "I thought you were asleep." 

"Couldn't," he replied quietly. "You neither?" 

"Nah." We were quiet for a moment. "Tai..." 

"Yeah?" 

"Those digimon... weren't beating me up. But... it was, uh..." Oh hell. I swallowed my pride in one huge gulp, then said what I had to say. "It's good to know you'd stick up for me if I was ever really in trouble." 

Tai gave me a warning glance. "Don't get used to it. I just didn't want them starting trouble with anyone else as well. I was acting in the group's best interests." 

Yeah, right, I thought. If you say so, man. "Well, anyway... thanks, Tai." 

"Whatever." 

I chuckled. "You're starting to sound like me." 

"Of course," Tai replied blandly. "Just like you. After all, you're the one who just doesn't care, aren't you, Yamato?" 

I lowered my gaze to the floor. "About that..." 

"Forget it. I shouldn't have dragged it up." 

"No, really, I didn't mean what I said. We were just arguing, and it slipped out... and you do care, Tai. I know you do." I was looking straight at him again, but this time he was the one who looked away. 

"I said forget it, Yamato. It's over." 

"Yeah, I guess... night, Tai." 

"Night, Matt." 

I smiled. "You did it again." 

"Did what?" 

"Called me Matt." 

"Uh... It *is* your name, right?" 

"Yeah, but you never call me Matt. Always Yamato. You only called me Matt once before... when Megastatumon Freeziwinded me. You yelled it. It was the last thing I heard before..." 

"Before you crashed into my arms." 

"Before I WHAT?!" 

"Ssshh, you'll wake everyone up!" He looked at me and grinned. "Yeah, Mr I-Have-My-Pride, Mr I-Am-So-Cool, Mr Don't-Mess-My-Hair-Or-I'll-Break-Your-Nose. You fainted in my arms. And now you're blushing." 

"Am not!" I could feel it though, a hot blush starting in my cheeks and racing round behind my ears. 

"You are too, dude! Aww, you looked so sweet..." He was just winding me up now. I made a face at him, and he poked his tongue out back. So silly, so childish... I promised myself I'd never reduce myself to being sociable again. And yet here I was, and it felt great. I'd forgotten how long it was since I'd had a friend. 

"Man, we should sleep. We're gonna be heading out tomorrow." 

"Yeah... did you guys ever decide on where we were going?" 

"No, but I thought we might see if there's anything interesting in those hills on the horizon." 

I closed my eyes and snuggled into Gabumon's stripey fur, smiling. "Okay." 

There was a moment of pure shocked silence. Then, "What? What did you just say?" 

"I said okay. If you wanna head for the hills, that's fine by me. I'm right behind you, man." 

Tai let out a breath. "Well! You never cease to amaze me, Ya... Matt." 

I grinned at his deliberate use of my nickname. "The feeling is mutual." 

Tai muttered something under his breath then that I didn't quite catch. I couldn't be sure, of course, but I think it was, "I wish." What did *that* mean? Unless it meant... no. It couldn't. Tai and I were finally friends, and I had no right to hope for anything more. I yawned widely, then shifted myself into a more comfortable position. "Night, Tai." 

"Night, Matt." 

"Sweet, uh, dreams." 

"You too." 

"Night." 

"Night." 

I opened my eyes to look at him, and smiled sleepily. He was so - okay, no, I guess nobody's perfect. Tai least of all. But he was so... right. And yet the whole thing was so wrong. I sighed, gazing longingly at the smaller boy. If only... 

Tai's eyes shot open, nearly bulging out of his head. He clutched his stomach and doubled over, now squeezing his eyes tight shut. "M-M-Matt... oh..." He looked up at me in terror and pain, pleading me to help him with his eyes. I stared in shock as those eyes rolled up in their sockets and Tai began shaking all over, not just shivering but juddering against the ground. I yelped, then gave vent to a proper yell. 

"SORA!!! Oh my God, wake up, I think he's having a fit..." By then the whole camp was awake, and Sora was at Tai's side in a flash, trying to restrain him. 

"Jyou, get that first aid kit over here... Koushiro, I need a hand! Do you know what's wrong?" 

Koushiro hurried over to where Tai lay, turning pale as he saw the condition his friend was in. "You need to support the head, to stop it banging on the ground," he told her. "Other than that... there should be some information about fits on the internet." 

"Do it! Now!" Sora yelled frantically, yanking her helmet from her head and trying to strap it onto Tai's. Koushiro flipped open his laptop and began tapping on the keys at high speed. Finally I regained control of my body, and I scrambled over to where Sora knelt beside Tai, trying to push her aside. 

"Will he be all right? Is he okay?" I demanded hysterically. "Sora, what's *wrong* with him?" 

"I don't know, Matt, just... oh shit, Mimi! Get over here and hold Matt back! JYOU! Where's that first aid kit?" 

Then Mimi was tugging me away, and I sat holding a crying Takeru while Sora and Jyou fussed over our leader. They tried smelling salts - no result. They tried slapping him - no result. They even tried panicking and didn't work all that well either. But then suddenly the juddering became less violent, and Tai was only shivering. Gradually that, too, ceased. I heaved a sigh of relief. 

"Thank God," breathed Sora. We all looked at eachother in consternation - what in the heck had just happened to Tai?! Jyou tapped his cheek. 

"Come on, Tai, wake up... Tai... Tai..." his expression froze. "Oh my God, TAI! Sora, he's not breathing!" 

"Oh no..." Sora checked for a pulse, I guessed from her sick expression that she didn't find one. "All right, Jyou, give him ten chest compressions, okay?" 

"Right." Jyou began giving Taichi CPR, while Sora pinched his nose and gave him mouth to mouth. Jealousy washed over me and then took a back seat, this was no time for pettiness. Not when Tai was dead. Takeru was sobbing all over me, and I held him tighter. Please be all right, Tai, I thought, closing my eyes and trying to hold back the tears. Please be okay... 

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What a place to leave it! Aren't I mean? Anyways, even if you think it's a load of rubbish I'm STILL gonna write part four, ya hear? Cos *I* wanna know what happens next too! Feedback would still be nice though, because I am a feedback junkie *foams at the mouth and leers* support my habit, or feel my wrath!. :~( -Kae Ti xx 


	4. Interfering Samaritans and a Shock

*Disclaimer* - I don't own the characters, never have done, never will do. Sueing me will earn you all of $5.36 and if you're really that desperate for cash then you can start saving money by getting the hell off the internet. Unless you have a completely free server of course. In which case I envy you greatly. Anyway, on with the fic... 

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A Love Born of Hate (Part Four)

Interfering Samaritans - and a Shock

Tai gave a spluttering choke, coughed weakly for a bit, then settled down into a pattern of regular breathing. Sora and Jyou exchanged relieved glances, Takeru sniffed and began to stop crying. Koushiro studiously continued his research on the net in case of any more fits, and Mimi fluttered round him and got in the way. And me? I just sat there, numb with shock. Taichi had died. MY Taichi had stopped breathing, and stopped pumping that life-giving blood around his body. And nobody knew why. 

"All right, everybody," Sora announced shakily. "We need to keep watch over him, preferably in pairs in case one falls asleep. Mimi and I will watch for two hours, then Jyou and Koushiro, then Matt and Takeru. Okay?" 

"I'm gonna stay awake anyway, keep researching," Koushiro told her quietly. "If Matt keeps watch with Jyou, then Takeru can get some rest. Each group can take a half-night shift." 

Sora nodded. "Okay. Matt, Jyou, Takeru; you rest now. Mimi and I will wake you up in a few hours." 

Sora and Mimi sat down on either side of Tai's sleeping form, Koushiro tapped quietly away. Jyou began to settle back down to sleep. I was aware of everything that was going on, but as though I could see it from millions of kilometers away. "Matt?" piped up Takeru. "Aren't you going to sleep now?" 

I stayed still for a moment, vaguely aware that Takeru had spoken but not sure if I should answer. It was a weird feeling. I felt distant, not like it was a movie or something, but as though I was hiding in the deepest darkest corner of my mind, as far away from it all as I could get without turning and running. I was in shock, I guess. Maybe I figured that if I ignored it for long enough then it might all go away. Many times I had kept telling myself how screwed up I was, and now that I really *was* screwed up, I didn't realise it. I didn't even think of it. I didn't think of anything much. I just hid. 

Then I turned to Takeru and smiled, it was a face that didn't seem to be my own. A face I could put on and take off and change whenever I felt like it, but the expressions I wore were just like an actor's costumes. They said nothing about the real me. I led down and closed my eyes. I would not sleep, I wasn't tired. I would simply lie, and pretend, and everyone would think I was okay. I didn't want them fussing. I may have been losing my mind, but I still had my pride. I was clinging to it with the tips of my fingernails, because my pride was the only thing which was stopping me breaking down altogether and becoming hysterical, screaming like a baby. If that happened, I would never be able to live it down. 

"Goodnight, Onii-chan." I opened my eyes and smiled at Takeru in reply. I had no choice but to see, no choice but to hear, they were on automatic and it was okay if my mind hid in the corner of my brain, because they would work without me. But speech... for that, I would have to operate the controls manually, by hand, climb back into my brain and re-assume command. That wasn't something I was ready to do. That would give me responsibilities, responsibility for Takeru, responsibility for myself. I didn't want to have to take care of anything. I just wanted to hide. 

"Aren't you going to say goodnight?" Takeru pouted slightly, upset that I wasn't comforting him after the ordeal he had been through. Well, what about the ordeal that *I* had been through? When does Ishida get to look after number one? To hell with Takeru. He was old enough to look after himself. I rolled over and put my back to him. Wait for it, I thought grimly. Count to three. 

But he didn't start bawling... at least not loudly. After a few seconds, I could hear little, sniffling hiccups behind me. They gradually grew louder, and became smallish sobs. Sora looked up. 

"Takeru, what's wrong?" she asked, concerned. Oh good, she was going to deal with him. That got him off my back, at any rate. Takeru burst into fresh sobs. 

"Matt! I-I know you're a-w-w-wake. Wh-what have I d-d-done?" I didn't stir. Let someone else sort him out. "MA HATT!" 

Sora hurried over, putting her arms round Takeru. "Ssshh, Takeru. Let Matt sleep, he's tired." 

"He's NOT asleep! He's ign-noring me, and he wouldn't say goodnight! He only j-j-just closed his eyes a few se-heconds ago!" 

Sora stood over me, I could sense her presence. "Matt? Are you awake? Open your eyes." 

I stayed still. That little squirt couldn't prove a thing. "He IS!" Takeru wailed. 

Sora evidently decided there was only one way to sort this out. She shook my shoulder gently. I didn't move. She tried again, harder. Oh hell, I thought, she's not gonna give up. I opened my eyes. 

"Matt, Takeru is upset sbout something." I shrugged. What did she expect me to do? Sora blinked a couple of times, then looked suspicious. "Matt? Are you okay?" 

I nodded, scowling at her. She sighed. "Matt, we're all upset about Tai. But I've never seen you act like this before, and Takeru is your little brother, your Otouto-chan. He's upset because he thinks you're ignoring him. Why don't you tell me what's wrong, hmm?" 

I gave her the finger. She sat back, shocked. "I'm... just trying to help..." she murmured. I started to roll over again, but she lunged forward and pushed me back. I didn't have the energy to fight her. "All right, Matt, I'm not letting you go until you level with me. Tell me what's wrong." 

I scowled at her some more. She couldn't make me talk. And Takeru was *still* crying, God, does he ever shut up? Snivelling little coward, he was just like all the rest of them. No self-control, no pride. Just cry, cry, whinge, whinge. He's pathetic. 

"Matt! We can't help you until you tell us what's wrong!" By now a crowd was forming, Koushiro was still typing away but Mimi and Jyou were looking on with a kind of puzzled interest. "Come on, Matt," Sora pleaded. "Let us help you." 

Maybe I don't need help! Maybe I'm just fine on my own! The words were on the tip of my tongue but I couldn't bring myself to say them. Once she got me speaking, Sora would try to reason with me, break down my barriers, persuade me to talk with her. Maybe she expected that then I would burst into tears all over her and tell the story of my life, starting with some crap like "Mom never loved me and Dad was too drunk to care." Then I would feel better for talking about it and everyone would live happily ever after. Well, sorry to disappoint you, Sora. It ain't happening. 

"Matt, it's all right. We're all your friends here." Now she was speaking in the soft, cajoling tones normally reserved for injured animals and the mentally ill. "You know you can tell us anything, and it'll be okay." 

I'm in love with your leader, who happens to be a guy. You reckon you'll be okay with that, Sora? No, I didn't think so either. 

"We love you, Matt." 

I literally sneered. I flared my nostrils and curled my lips in an unpleasant smile, raising my chin a couple of centimeters as I did so. Sora sighed. 

"Matt, *please*. I -" 

"Let me try, Sora." That was Takeru. He shuffled a bit closer to me and opened his mouth to say something, then shut it again. "I think it'd be best if I speak to him alone," he whispered. Sora nodded and herded the audience away. 

"Hey, Onii-chan. What's wrong?" I ignored him. I didn't have the heart to scowl at him, not any more, but I wasn't going to smile at him either. "Okay. You think I'm too little to notice stuff, but you're wrong. I do. I know how stubborn you are, and if you don't want to talk then I can't make you. But I'm right here if you want me, okay?" 

I didn't look at him, but after a moment I nodded slowly. He smiled at me in a watery way, and led back down. Gabumon pressed himself against my leg. "Same here," he growled. "I'm not going anywhere, Matt. I'm your digi-partner and your friend. Never forget that." 

Why was everyone being so patient with me? If someone else was behaving like me, I'd have been yelling at them long before now. And Takeru... he had deliberatley gotten rid of Sora because he knew I wanted to be left alone. Good old Takeru. He was right, he *did* know more about me than I thought. I shifted closer to my brother and put an arm round him. He blearily opened his eyes and smiled groggily at me, he was nearly asleep already. I smiled myself, and stroked his hair. He fell asleep. Soon after, so did I. 

I was awoken a bit later by Sora shaking my shoulder. I considered scowling at her, but that hadn't gotten me anywhere before and it wasn't likely to now. She'd just start fussing again. So I smiled instead, and she looked a little surprised and more than a little wary. "Are you up to your shift, Matt? I could cover it if you want..." But Sora was hanging, and just cause I was worried about Tai there was no reason to put the rest of my friends through the mill. I shook my head at her offer and got to my feet, ignoring the proffered helping hand. It caught my arm as I made to go and sit with Tai, pulling me back to face its owner. 

"Matt, are you okay now?" I nodded tiredly, I didn't want to have to go through the Spanish Inquisition again. Not that I really know what that is, apart from it's something where you get asked lots of questions, I think. "Cause, well... you don't seem to be talking much, you know? If you want to get something off your chest... well, I'm here." 

Just to keep her happy, I nodded again, and she left satisfied that she had done her work as the good samaritan of the gang. I rolled my eyes and sighed as I walked over to where Jyou was sat with Tai. Give me a break! 

Jyou smiled at me as I sat down. If I see one more person smiling at me, I thought, I'm gonna rip their head off and piss down their neck. Still, I forced a return smile onto my face that I'm sure was more just a twitch of the lips than anything else. We sat in silence for a few moments while the rest of the digidestined settled themselves down to sleep. Koushiro was still up, of course, but his eyelids looked like they were carrying lead weights. If he didn't pack it in soon, he'd fall asleep over his laptop. Well, that wasn't exactly unheard of as far as Koushiro was concerned. I let my gaze drift down to Tai - my Tai, who looked so sweet when he was asleep. Somehow I had less appreciation for his beauty tonight, though. I just wanted him to wake up. Sat across from Jyou, on the other side of our friend, I was fairly certain he couldn't see when I slipped my hand into Tai's. I squeezed it gently, but if I was expecting a return squeeze then I was disappointed. Tai lay still as stone, apart form the tell-tale rise and fall of his chest as he breathed. I fixed my attention on that, up and down, up and down, down and up, side to side, round and round... 

"Matt?" I snapped to attention, pulling myself sharply out of the doze I had been slowly drifting into. I guess I was more tired than I had thought. Jyou grinned at me. I gritted my teeth. "Maybe you should sleep. I can watch Tai on my own." I shook my head fiercely. I was damned if I was going to cop out on my shift at looking after Tai, I owed him more than that. I squeezed his hand again. Again, no response. I felt tears of frustration pricking behind my eyelids, but I willed them away. Not in front of Jyou. Not in front of anyone. 

"Hey, look at Koushiro!" I looked over, and this time a genuine smile rose to my face, albeit a small one. Sleep had finally won, Koushiro was still hunched over his laptop, but now his forehead was resting on top of it and he was snoring gently. Jyou chuckled. 

"I'll sort him out," he whispered. I watched as he tiptoed over to where Koushiro sat sleeping, and pulled his back until he was lying down. The boy didn't even stir. Jyou then turned his attention to shutting down the laptop. He hesitated for a moment, then... 

"Hey, Matt!" He grabbed the laptop and legged it over to where I was sitting. I hurriedly disentangled Tai's hand from mine as Jyou dumped the little computer down beside me. "I think he's got something here!" He pointed to the screen, where there was a large picture of a teenage girl undergoing an epileptic fit. "Here," Jyou breathed, running his finger along the third line of text. "It says, 'Not all fits are caused by epilepsy or other brain diseases. Fits can be caused as the result of a loss of blood, extreme depression (nervous breakdown) or, in rare cases, an allergic reaction, usually to something the victim has eaten'... Matt, this is it! That's what's happened to Tai! He was just allergic! He had a reaction to that pineapple banana tangerine... thing. It has to be that!" 

I nodded excitedly, gazing at the screen in wonder. Good for Koushiro! I could have kissed him. Well... not really, but I could have given him a good clap on the back, at least. Jyou was starting towards Sora to wake her, but I pulled him back. "I'm just gonna tell the others," he told me, but I shook my head. They were all tired, and knowing this information wouldn't help us to help Tai. It was best to let them sleep. Jyou obviously wasn't thinking along those lines, though. "What, Matt? What is it?" 

I looked at him pleadingly. It's very difficult to reason with someone when you're not talking. Jyou began to look worried. "Matt, are you all right? You haven't spoken two words since our watch began. In fact, I don't think I've even heard you say one." He frowned at me, and I rolled my eyes back at him. "No, don't give me that 'stop being such a worrywart' look. Look, if you wanna talk, man to man... you can talk to me, okay?" 

Man, it was pathetic! Takeru, Gabumon, Sora, Jyou... each of them thought that he or she was the special one I could confide in, a real friend that I would open up to and share everything with. Yamato Ishida doesn't need to talk to anyone, and he doesn't particularly want to either. I scowled at Jyou and sat back down. He pushed his glasses back up his nose in bafflement. "All right. If that's how you feel, fine. But I'm going to tell Sora what we've found." I gave up on trying to stop him, and let him go. I slipped my hand back into Tai's. 

"Hey, Taichi," I whispered. I wasn't sure how to continue, it felt funny talking to someone who wasn't going to talk back. Then I remembered that I wasn't supposed to be talking anyway... and then shrugged my shoulders. Nobody could hear me. It didn't count. "You gonna be all right?" I paused, as though waiting for a reply, and then realised how ridiculous I must sound. I could hear everybody else moving around behind me, someone was coming this way. I tugged my hand back and looked round. 

"Hi, Onii-chan!" Takeru chirruped. "He's gonna be okay now, isn't he?" I nodded, smiling, and a little frown of concern crossed my brother's face. "How about you?" he asked, more quietly this time. "Are you better now?" I studied his serious face for a couple of seconds, and realised how much he looked like me when he was worried. I hated to think he might turn out a screw-up as well, one per family was bad enough. I grabbed him in fierce hug, and he squealed and hugged me back. "So are you speaking now, then?" He looked at me hopefully, but I had to slowly shake my head. I wasn't ready for that yet. "That's okay. I'll do enough talking for both of us!... Matt, is it because you're so worried about Tai that you won't talk to me? Cause, you know, I don't *think* it was my fault..." I smiled at him again, and ruffled the hair poking out of his helmet. He grinned back. "You really like Tai, don't you? Why do you pretend you don't?" 

I looked sharply at him. Did he suspect? No, he was to young and innocent to think of something like that. He was pretty damn perceptive, though. I shrugged in answer to his question, and he waggled his finger at me in what was supposed to be a stern way. "Now now, Mister Ishida," he growled in a fair impression of my Mister Ishida voice. "That's not good enough. You must tell Mister Yagami that you want to be his friend. Don't answer me back!" He paused to giggle, which somewhat ruined the effect. "You will tell him, or I will have to hit you over the head. With a big stick." I chuckled at him, and he gave a fierce yell. "Don't make me hurt you, Mister Ishida! I will if I have to!" 

We were interrupted my the rest of the digidestined crowding round to see Tai. He lay still as ever. "The only thing we can do now," sighed Sora, "is to make sure he doesn't eat any more of that fruit. I think he's through the worst, he'll eventually wake up on his own." Everyone else nodded sagely. They chatted for a bit, but in ones and twos they eventually went back to sleep. Half an hour later, only Takeru and I were left sitting. 

"Everyone else is asleep," Takeru whispered. Even Jyou was sprawled out on the grass, and he was supposed to be keeping watch with me. I nodded in reply to Takeru's observation, and pulled him up against me. For a little while, all was quiet. Then - "Matt?" 

I looked down at the little face peering up at me questioningly. "You will start talking again soon, won't you?" I nodded, and drew him back against me. Five minutes later, he was fast asleep. 

I led my brother down next to Patamon, who was sleeping with Gabumon. (Shut UP all ya hentai-lovers!) They'd gotten the hint that we wanted to be alone. I dragged myself wearily back over to where Tai was sleeping, and took his hand once more. "Come on, Taichi," I whispered. "You've had your fun. It's time to wake up." No reply. No movement. I sighed. 

"All right, Tai. I guess I should take up Takeru's advice. I... I want to be your friend." I swallowed the lump in my throat. Understatement of the year! "I've wanted to for a long time. I know we fight a lot, and mostly I start the fight, but I don't know how else I'm supposed to get your attention. Until recently, you've never strung a sentence together to me except when we're arguing. I just want..." I gulped. I knew exactly what I wanted, but how could I tell Tai? Hell, Tai can't hear what you're saying! a voice shouted in my head. Go for it! But... this isn't a fairytale! I argued desperately. What, you think I'll tell him how I feel, he'll hear me, he'll wake up, we'll all live happy ever after? Life doesn't work that way! He isn't gonna hear me! 

So what do you have to lose? 

I took a deep breath. "I don't know how to tell you this, Tai, but... for a while now, I've wanted us to be friends. More recently, I've wanted... more than that. I don't expect you to feel the same way. To be honest, right now I'm not sure how you feel about me but - I love you, Tai." I held my breath. I waited for the explosion. 

Nothing hapeened. 

Nothing at all. Zero. Zip. 

"Well, that's that, then." Still no response. I was right. This wasn't a fairytale. He didn't even hear me. I squeezed his hand in frustration. I was never gonna get this off my chest. 

*squeeze* 

I looked down at his hand. It was still. Had I imagined it? "Uh, Tai...?" 

*squeeze* 

I hadn't imagined that! "Tai? Come on, Tai, wake up. Do you hear me, Tai?" 

*squeeze, squeeze* 

"Tai! Come on, man, open your eyes!" 

"Hungh..." They were fluttering. I watched excitedly as the lids cracked open, just barely enough for me to see his gorgeous dark eyes. 

"Tai?" 

*squeeze* 

"Speak to me!" 

"I love you too..." 

I dropped his hand like it was on fire and sat back in shock, eyes stretched wide and jaw hanging down. "You - you WHAT?" 

"I..." His eyes were straining to stay open, he was so exhausted, poor baby... I leaned forward again and began stroking his hair, as I so often do with Takeru. "Sssh. Sleep, Tai, it'll be okay." His eyes slid shut again. He gave my hand one final, weak squeeze, then lay still once more. I leaned away from him and sweatdropped like mad. He was delusional, he was dreaming, he was confused, this couldn't be, he didn't love me! 

He does love me. 

Tai loves me. 

YAGAMI TAICHI LOVES ISHIDA YAMATO!!! 

I wanted to sing, I wanted to dance. But I just sat, very quietly, and basked in the marvellous feel-good rush that was pouring over me in waves. Just... just WOW, you know? Maybe you don't. I tell you, everyone should get a chance to feel this good. If you're not in love, find yourself someone NOW. It might be hard work getting yourself noticed, but it will all be worth it in the end. 

"It's okay, Tai," I whispered, resuming stroking his hair back. I love Tai's hair, it's so... wild. And messy. Free. I love his eyes. I love his cute little nose. I love every little bit of him. I told him so, too, sat there just the two of us in the dark. He couldn't hear me, but that didn't matter. What mattered was that I was finally getting the chance to tell him everything I never thought I'd be able to say. "I love you, man. I'll look after you, you'll be okay. I won't let anything happen to you, I swear. Nothing's gonna come between you and me, gorgeous." 

"Matt?" 

My head shot round like it had been fired from a cannon. Sora was stood behind me, looking down at us. She'd already seen that we were holding hands, so I decided that keeping it there would look less suspicious than guiltily snatching it away. My heart hammered in my chest, but I forced myself to look outwardly composed. "Hi, Sora. How long have you been there?" 

"Oh, quite a while," she replied grimly. I gulped. "I think we need to have a little chat, Yamato. Don't you?" 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Uh oh! How evil of me... *demonic snigger* Just when you thought things were going well, my love for angst and heartbreak rears its three ugly heads and bites all romance into tiny little pieces, using Yamato's harmonica as a toothpick when it's finished. Muahahahaha! Til next time. =P -Kae Ti xx


	5. Do Not Pass Go, Do Not Collect 200

*Disclaimer* - I don't own the characters, never have done, never will do. Sueing me will earn you all of $5.36 and if you're really that desperate for cash then you can start saving money by getting the hell off the internet. Unless you have a completely free server of course. In which case I envy you greatly. Anyway, on with the fic... 

****

A Love Born of Hate (Part Five)

Do Not Pass Go, Do Not Collect $200

Sora glared down at me, and I suddenly felt much more frightened of her than I had ever been of either of my parents, or any of my teachers. She knew my secret. My world began to crumble and collapse around me, spinning off in all different directions... 

Sora stooped down and delivered a sharp slap to my cheek. I could only stare, dumbfounded. This was very bad indeed. My face stung where she had smacked it, but somehow I doubted that it would be anything compared to the emotional pain to come. 

"Sorry," she apologised. "You were hyperventilating." 

"Hyper... huh?" 

"You were hyperventilating. I administered shock treatment - a good hard slap. Sorry if I hurt you." 

I felt very confused. I realised I was still holding Tai's hand so, now not entirely sure if that was what she wanted to talk to me about, I let it go. 

"It's too late for that now, Matt. I heard every word." I cringed away from her. Sora sighed and shook her head. "You poor thing." 

"Me poor th... *what*?" This was even more confusing. Sora sat down on the floor beside me. 

"Matt, how long have you felt this way about Tai?" 

I was too bewildered to even consider a lie, let alone make one up. "Uh, I'm not sure. A long time... weeks... more like months, I think..." I thought back to when it had started, when I had seen Tai standing atop that little hillock, and I'd thought how cute he looked. That had to be about... "Nearly five months now, if memory serves." 

"Oh, Matt!" Sora went to put her arm round me, then thought better of it. "How did you cope?" 

"I managed." I didn't really want to talk about this, it was the last thing I wanted... well, second last thing. 

The very last thing I wanted was to get Sora annoyed with me. She seemed to be on my side for now, but I had learned from past experience how quickly that could change. 

"Oh, Matt..." Sora seemed at a loss for words. "Does anybody else know?" I shook my head. "Why did you keep it to yourself all this time?" 

I shrugged. "You know me." 

"Sometimes I think I do. Other times I wish I did. But Matt, if you need to talk, you can talk to me any time, you know." 

"Yeah, okay." Please! I was screaming. Please just go away! 

"But you won't. I know you well enough to know that, at least. Nobody makes it through life all on their own, Matt, even the biggest bird in the top of the tallest tree had a little help from someone, somewhere along the line." 

"Thanks for the words of wisdom, Sora, but I'm not looking to be a big bird, or to sit in a tall tree. I just wanna keep my head down and get on with my life." 

"And what kind of an example is that for Takeru?" 

I snapped my head up. "ExCUSE me? WHAT did you just say?" 

"Keep your voice down, Matt. Every day, he grows more and more like you, and I know you don't really want that, do you? You've got to think of your little brother, y -" 

"If you weren't a girl, I'd deck you right now! How DARE you?!" I was furious, I leapt up and clenched my fists. Sora also rose to her feet, looking less certain of herself now. "Takeru is MY brother, how DARE you tell me how to bring him up? You barely even KNOW him! And even more importantly, how fucking DARE you imply that I am not thinking of him every little thing I do? I KNOW how much I influence Takeru, God DAMN you Sora, you really like to play mother, don't you? You consider yourself partly responsible for everybody here, but you have NO idea what it's like to be fully responsible for even just one person twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, fifty-two weeks a year. Don't you dare even THINK of telling me that I am not doing my absolute best to make sure that he doesn't turn out a screw-up like me, cause it's all I ever think about! That, and -" I paused. She looked taken aback and concerned... Didn't she EVER get angry? I didn't want to be cared about by Miss Crest of Love, I wanted to fight. "Just keep away from me, Sora." I turned, jammed my hands back into my pockets and headed off toward the trees. I needed to be alone. 

"You're not a screw-up, Matt." 

"No, of course not," I scoffed. She didn't have a clue what she was talking about. 

"You're *not* a screw-up. You're just gay, or maybe bi. So are millions of other people, but they don't cut themselves up over it. It's no big deal." 

I turned, eyes blazing. "No big deal? NO BIG DEAL? You wanna step in my shoes for a while, Miss I-Understand-Exactly-How-You-Feel? Because you DON'T understand. You have no idea how it feels to love someone so much it kills you just to look at them, because you know they'll never feel the same way! YOU DON'T KNOW HOW THAT FEELS!" I was screaming now, the rest of the camp was waking up and staring at the commotion, but I didn't care. My secret was out anyway. "You don't understand everything, Sora, and you don't understand me, so leave me alone!" 

Sora looked round at our audience, then dragged me off to one side. "But he does feel the same way. He said so. I heard him." 

"Yeah, but..." I tried desperately to think of a but. There wasn't one. 

"But nothing. He loves you. You could be really happy together." 

Aha! A but! "But what about setting an example for Takeru?" 

"He knows how the world works, that mostly guys love girls. If he turns out gay too, it'll only be coincidence. He's your brother, Matt. He'll love you no matter what." 

"I guess..." 

"I know." 

"Is there anything you don't know?" 

"Yup. I don't know why you're standing around her waiting when you could be talking to Tai." 

"He's still asleep!" 

"No he's not. Look." Tai was in a half-sitting position, supporting himself on his elbows. The rest of the digidestined were crowded all round him. He was okay. I looked at Sora. "Go on," she encouraged me. "What are you waiting for?" 

I swallowed, and began to cross the clearing. "Be still my beating heart," I murmured under my breath. I reached the huddle. I smiled as best I could. I felt just about ready to pass out with fear. "Hi, Taichi. How ya doing?" 

He looked at me. I sweatdropped. "Fine now, I think." He grinned. My stomach churned with nerves. "How 'bout you?" 

"Oh, I'm okay." I decided to drop a hint. "Better than I've been in a while, actually." 

"Really? How come?" 

Just then, Takeru besieged me. "Matt! You're talking!" 

"Hey, otouto-chan!" I picked up and swung him round, narrowly missing Koushiro with his feet. "Steady, there, little man. You're gonna hurt yourself." 

"More likely is the situation whereby you both lead to the injury of another member of our group," Koushiro told us sternly. We cut it out. 

Sora filled Tai in on the details of what had happened to him, but as usual he was being too impatient to listen. "Yeah yeah, okay. Shall we wait until dawn before we move out?" 

"You aren't going anywhere today. You're going to stay right here and rest for the day," Sora ordered. 

"Aww, Sora!" Tai protested. "I feel fine!" 

"Sorry," she replied, walking away to sort out breakfast. "Doctor's orders." 

"Man!" Tai made a face at Sora's retreating back, and we all laughed. Her voice floated back to us. 

"I saw that, Taichi Yagami, I have eyes in the back of my head. Any more faces and you don't get any breakfast!" An awed hush fell over the group. 

"Does she really have eyes in the back of her head?" whispered Takeru. I laughed. 

"No, silly, it's just a saying." 

"But how did she know?" 

"I'm guessing it's that women's intuition thing," said Jyou. 

"Pff," Tai scoffed. "Sora's no woman. She's just a girl, and I've got more eyes on my little finger than she'll ever have in the back of her head." 

"Yeah, right," I joked. "You couldn't see your way out of a paper bag, Tai." 

"Well at least I wouldn't be stupid enough to crawl into a paper bag in the first place, unlike *some* people I could mention!" Tai shot back. The others chuckled. 

"The man is back!" Jyou exclaimed, whacking him on the back. Tai feigned a choking fit. 

"Hah!" yelled Sora from over by the campfire. "Taichi's no man! He's just a boy, and I've got more hairs on the back of my hand than he'll ever have on his chest!" 

We again fell into a fearful silence. "It's that intuition thing again," whispered Jyou. 

"No such thing," Tai snorted. "It's just something that women make up so that you don't leave the toilet seat up after taking a piss." 

We all looked at each other, and burst out laughing. Even Takeru and Mimi were tittering. "There is such a thing as women's intuition, though," Mimi squeaked excitedly. Then, blushing a little, she said, "I bet I could guess which of you guys leave the seat up and which ones don't." 

"All right, go on then!" we all challenged her. She smiled, took a deep breath, and began. 

"Taichi, you're always in a rush and you hardly ever remember to. Jyou *always* remembers, Takeru means to but often forgets. Koushiro -" Here she paused. From the looks on their faces, I could see that she had gotten everyone right so far. "You're such a conscientious little boy that you always remember to put the seat down afterwards... but you're so wrapped up in your own little world that you sometimes forget to put it up before you start!" We all roared with laughter, and Koushiro blushed. 

"Maybe once or twice," he murmured. We promptly went into fits, and I mentally stood back from the scene in front of me for a moment. A few days ago I would have scorned myself for laughing along with them, for becoming just another one of the gang. But a lot had changed in the past few days, and another quality I prided myself on was my adaptability. That was my excuse, anyway. The truth was - I was having fun. For the first time in ages, I was really enjoying the company of others. 

"Let's see, who haven't I done... oh, Matt, that's easy, of course. Mister Organised would always -" But she paused suddenly, and a knowing smile curled her lips. It was mirrored in my own face, I had wondered if she would realise. "That was a close one. I've got it now, though." Everyone else was looking confused. "You never bother to put the seat down in your own house, but you always do when visiting someone else's. Am I right?" 

"Bingo!" I yelled, tickling Takeru's sides and making him squeal. "Give the girl a prize!" 

The rest of the gang were dumbfounded. "But... how... Mimi, how did you know?" spluttered Taichi. Mimi grinned. 

"Women's intuition." 

"Oh, come on!" 

"All right, all right. I used my brains." 

"I'll believe the intuition thing," Jyou sniggered. Mimi slapped his arm. "Ow!" 

"It's quite simple, really. Matt lives alone with his father, so there would be no need to put the seat down after... use. But when in somebody else's house, being the perfect polite gentleman, he always puts their seat down when he's finished his... business." 

After a second of awed silence, the others burst into applause. "She's made a believer out of me," Tai murmured. "I guess she's not as ditzy as she looks." I shrugged, but I was secretly impressed. 

"Grub's up!" called Sora. Everyone stampeded over, I paused to help Tai up and then we joined the ravenous herd. Everyone except Tai had more of that fruit, Sora handed him a bunch of little purple cherry-things. "There wasn't enough for all of us," Sora explained, "so I just got enough for Tai." 

"Thanks, Sora," Tai grunted, stuffing them into his mouth like there was no tomorrow. (As far as Tai was concerned, there almost hadn't been.) Dark juice ran down his chin as he tried to gobble down as many as he could. We stared. 

All us boys burst out laughing, Sora looked halfway between amused and disgusted. Mimi looked just about ready to throw up. "TAAIIII!" she screeched. "That's disGUSTing!" 

Tai paused and looked up, frozen in a picture of pure innocence. A big fat drop of juice plopped from his chin to land on the now small pile of cherries before him. He attempted to speak with his mouth full. "Wha?" 

* * * * * 

It was getting dark, finally everyone was beginning to leave Tai alone. I had been in agony all day, I was still nervous about talking to him but now the suspense was killing me. I wanted to get it over with. 

"Uh, how you feeling?" I asked nervously. He grinned. 

"Okay. A little tired, I guess." 

"Oh. You want me to leave you alone to get some rest?" 

"Nah, stick around for a while yet." 

"Okay." Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed that Sora was working to keep Takeru amused, so that he wouldn't come over and interrupt our little chat. Good old Sora - from what I could see, she hadn't told anybody either. "Look, Tai - I really need to talk to you about what, uh, happened this morning." 

Tai raised his eyebrows. "Okay. Go for it." 

"Well, uh, you know when you, uh, woke up?" 

"Yeah..." 

"Well, um you know what you said to me?" 

"What, 'Fine now, I think, how about you?', you mean?" 

"No, before that... when you woke up the first time..." 

Tai frowned. "Matt, what are you talking about? That was the first time! All I remember is saying goodnight to you last night, and then getting the worst stomach pains of my life, and then waking up and Takeru and everyone else practically bouncing all over me.." He paused for a moment, regarding me with a great deal of suspicion and also some fear. "When do you mean?" 

I stared at him in shock for a moment. He didn't remember. Maybe I had fallen asleep and dreamed it. But no, Sora had heard him too. He just didn't remember, cause he had barely even been awake. Probably he hadn't even meant it. He was confused, he must have thought I was someone else. "Oh... of course," I murmured. 

"Matt... what are you talking about?" Tai asked hesitantly. He was beginning to look kinda pale. 

"Oh, nothing. It, uh... was a dream," I finished lamely. Tai looked hard at me, then slowly nodded. 

"Okay. I'm feeling kinda sleepy now, I might, um, catch some sleep. Okay?" 

"Yeah, okay." I ambled off dazedly, and crashed into a sitting position on the other side of the clearing. Sora came over and sat down beside me, looking concerned. 

"Didn't go too well?" 

"Sora, please, I appreciate that you're trying to help but I really need to be on my own right now," I choked out. I wasn't crying, but I was battling with tears that just didn't wanna die. 

"Matt, are you crying?" 

"Sora, *please*!" A lone tear tracked its way down my cheek. I kept my head down. 

"Okay, okay. But if you wanna talk..." She left the sentence hanging in the air and slowly walked away. 

When I was sure she was at a safe distance, I turned and ran into the forest, tears streaming down my face. Once again, I collapsed behind a tree and sobbed. Man, I've cried before, I'll admit it, but for the first time in my life I wanted to wail like Takeru, to scream my sorrow to the open sky and ask it why, why was I doomed to a life of misery? Silent tears just didn't do this justice, but if I wanted to make a lot of noise then I needed to get a lot further away from camp. I dragged myself up and stumbled on. 

After about twenty minutes of aimless wandering, I came to a river. It was pretty fast-flowing and I didn't think much of my chances at crossing it, so I began to follow it down. My tears dried up. Sorrow rapidly faded as a new kind of fire burned in my soul, not one of love but of hatred. I hated Taichi ten times as much as I had in the beginning, a hundred times, a thousand! Let him die for all I cared! I didn't want to ever see his face again. Any of their faces. I realised suddenly that I had an important decision to make, one that I had to think through carefully. If I left the DigiDestined, what effect would it have? They'd all get on faster without me there to argue, that was for sure, and Taichi would be much happier without me. Takeru... would be looked after by Sora. I felt a pang of sorrow as I thought of leaving my brother behind, but I swept it away. Sora would be a better role model than me anyhow. That left just one issue: Gabumon. 

Life in the Digiworld would be difficult without Gabumon to look after me, that was for sure, but I was accustomed to a hard life. I would miss him, he was the best friend I had ever had, but I reminded myself that I didn't need anyone except myself. Over the past week I had been getting too friendly, too soft, and now I was paying the price. Friendship only ends in sorrow... and hatred. My decision was made. I would leave the DigiDestined. 

I didn't know where I was going. I didn't really care. I would simply follow the river and see where it led me. *Without Gabumon to look after you,* a little voice whispered in my head, *the wild Digimon will have you for breakfast.* I ignored it. I didn't need *anybody*. 

I stopped short. The ground fell away in front of me, forming a sheer rocky cliff face down which endless gallons of water tumble. I didn't much like the thought of tumbling with it, but it looked fairly easy to climb on this side. Lots of crags and flats big enough to sit on. Peering over, I judged the distance at about a hundred and fifty feet. Could be worse. But it would probably be best to wait untl it was light to try and climb down. Knowing Gabumon's nose, though, the DigiDestined could easily find me before dawn. The river would be slower after the fall, I'd be able to wade in and lose my scent. I had to climb down now. 

I carefully lowered myself over the edge and began to feel for handholds and footholds. There was still just enough light to see by, but if I didn't hurry then I'd be stuck halfway down this cliff in the dark. I swiftly made my way down to the first little precipice, about fiteen feet down. So far so good. 

About another ten feet down, and slightly to one side, there was another ledge I could climb down to. It would bring me right next to the roaring mass of water, but that didn't bother me. I achieved it safely, and peered around for my next goal. 

The crag I was standing on suddenly shifted slightly. I froze. It shifted again. *I've got to get off this ledge!* I thought in a panic, just as the whole thing crumbled away from the cliff face and plummeted down toward the rocks and churning water. I followed right behind it all, the deafening roar of the water drowning out my screams. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

*plays Jaws theme* Oh no! Whatever will he do? I know and you don't! *pokes out tongue* I'll try for part six as quick as I can, okay? *runs away from mob of angry Yamato fans* Aaargh! Til next time! =/ -Kae Ti xx


	6. Abroad in the Digiworld

*Disclaimer* - I don't own the characters, never have done, never will do. Sueing me will earn you all of $5.36 and if you're really that desperate for cash then you can start saving money by getting the hell off the internet. Unless you have a completely free server of course. In which case I envy you greatly. Anyway, on with the fic... 

****

A Love Born of Hate (Part Six)

Abroad in the Digiworld

Hurtling droplets of spray stung against my cheeks as I tumbled toward the churning waters below. Turning as I fell, I caught glimpses of the jagged rocks sticking out of the frothy pool below me, the moon highlighting their sharp edges. I shut my eyes and waited to be dashed into a million different pieces. 

I landed heavily, but it wasn't on water and it wasn't on rocks. I clutched onto warm fur as I was carried across the rocks to the other side of the river. Gasping, I slid to the foor and opened my eyes. "Garurumon?" 

"Matt, are you okay?" my digipartner growled. I nodded, weak with relief. "What were you doing, my friend? You could have been killed!" 

I ducked the question. "What are you doing here?" 

"Following you, of course. Sora mentioned that you seemed upset, so I thought I'd better follow you in case you got yourself into trouble." He shook his head, frowning. "That was a very foolish thing to do, Matt, especially in the dark. Why have you wandered so far from camp?" 

I closed my eyes again, hardened my voice and my heart. "I'm not going back, Garurumon." 

"Why not? You were just beginning to get along really well with the other digidestined... why leave now?" 

"They don't need me. I only get in the way." 

"What about Takeru? He needs you." 

"No, he doesn't. Sora can look after him." 

"He doesn't love Sora, he loves you." 

"..." 

"Matt?" 

"He'll get over it." 

"He won't accept it, Matt, he's the Child of Hope. He'll keep hoping that someday you'll come back, and when you don't and he eventually has to face up to the fact that he's lost you forever, it'll break his heart. All that innocence, destroyed." 

"Quit with the guilt trip, Garurumon. It's not going to work." 

"Very well. But I am going to stay with you and protect you." 

"Garurumon..." 

"As I said before, I am your digipartner and your friend. I am sworn to protect you, it is my duty, and I will not allow you to do this on your own." 

I sighed and nodded. "Okay. Thanks, Garurumon." 

"It is what I was born to do." He promptly de-digivolved to Gabumon. "Now sleep, you are tired. We will make further progress in the morning." I nodded and yawned... I was exhausted. It had been a long hard day and a long hard night before it, and I just wanted to rest. I was vaguely aware of Gabumon pulling his fur over me as I drifted off... "Goodnight, Matt. Sleep well." 

* * * * * 

When I awoke the next morning, Gabumon had reclaimed his fur and was taking a swim at the gentler end of the pool. I blinked lazily and considered joining him, but in the end I couldn't be bothered. I led back in the sunshine, revelling in the fact that I didn't have to look after anyone but myself. True, I had Gabumon, but he was more than capable of looking after himself. No plan to stick to, no goal to achieve. It felt like a holiday and boy, was I loving it. (Then why won't that little tight knot in your stomach go away, Matt?) Oh yeah, I was loving it to bits. 

I sat and watched Gabumon until he realised I was there, then we both went to look for some breakfast. We found some nuts - peanuts, they looked like - and feasted on them. Not having to share, not having to ration out. (What is that tight knot in your stomach, Matt?) Just feasting. 

After breakfast, I pondered on what I had to do today. I didn't have anything to do for the moment, except put as much distance as possible between myself and the rest of the digidestined. So I set about that task immediately, once again following the river that flowed out from the pool. (Is that knot *fear*, Matt? Is that what it is?) It felt amazing to be completely free. 

As Gabumon and I wandered along, I found my thoughts turning to the future. Without the digidestined's help, it was unlikely that I would ever get back home, but then again what was there at home for me anyway? Yeah, I missed my Dad, but every kid has to leave their parents and live on their own sooner or later. (Come on, stop denying it. You're afraid. What is it that you're afraid of?) So I would be one of the ones who took that road a little sooner - no big deal. I could handle it. 

"Matt, where are we going?" Gabumon asked me. I shrugged. Basically, I was going wherever the fancy took me. Just call me a tumbleweed blown in the wind. Maybe I would make a home and a name for myself in the digiworld, become someone important. A mighty ruler, or a sneaky underdog with a massive reputation. I could get to like it here. (It's the loneliness you fear, Matt. The thought of never seeing your friends again. They *are* your friends, Matt, you can't deny it.) I especially liked being alone. I like it, I told myself fiercely. It's what I've always wanted, what I'm finally going to have. Solitude. 

"Matt!" 

"Huh?" I spun round so fast I nearly fell over. They've found me! I panicked. They're gonna drag me back and watch over me and there'll be no getting away!... 

"Watcha doing all the way out here on your own, kid?" 

"You!" I clenched my fists at the sight of DemiDevimon. "What do you care?" 

"Hey, don't get mad at me. I was just following orders when I kidnapped you. I don't work for Myotismon anymore." 

"The only way you'd end up not working for Myotismon anymore is if he killed you. You're too cowardly to try and escape from him." 

"Look who's talking! Not exactly Mister Bravery yourself, are you?" 

"And what's that supposed to mean?" I demanded. DemiDevimon chuckled. 

"I've seen the rest of the digidestined, none of them knows where you are. You've obviously run away. So who are you to be calling me a coward? You can't even face your own friends!" 

"I have my reasons!" I yelled defiantly. 

"Oh really?" he replied lazily. "Such as?" 

"Why should I tell you?" 

DemiDevimon shrugged as well as a little furball of a digimon like him was able to. "Fine, don't. Doesn't really bother me. It's easier to pick you off one by one anyway. You've separated yourself, the others are talking about splitting up to find you. As I believe some famous guy on your world once said, 'divide and conquer'. Those crests and digivices are as good as ours. I'll just take yours now, shall I?" 

"Not a chance in hell, you overgrown ear-muff! Gabumon, get him!" 

"Blue Blaster!" DemiDevimon dodged the attack and swooped closer, but Gabumon wouldn't let him near me. Teeth bared, eyes flashing, he stood guard and snapped and snarled and Blue Blastered until DemiDevimon was forced to retreat. 

"Just you wait, kid!" he called back over his shoulder. "Just you wait until Myotismon sends in reinforcements to give me some backup! You'll be sorry you ever heard of the digital world!" Cackling, he flew up and away into the sky and was gone. 

Gabumon looked up at me enquiringly. "Matt?" 

"What?" I asked shortly. 

"We have to go back." 

"Why?" 

"Didn't you hear what DemiDevimon said? The fate of the digidestined is in our hands! We have to go back and warn them." 

"He's trying to trick us into going back. I don't know why, but that's what he's doing. If that was really their plan, do you think DemiDevimon would share it with us? No, he wants us to go back to the rest of the digidestined." 

"Why would he want that, when we are stronger as a group? You know what a babbler DemiDevimon is, he couldn't keep a secret if his life depended on it. We should go back and warn the others, just in case." 

"Go on then, but I'm staying here," I informed the striped digimon stubbornly. "Myotismon probably told DemiDevimon that was the real plan, just so the little rent-a-gob would blab to us. I still think it's a trap, and I'm not falling into it. Myotismon wants us all together for some reason, although I don't have a clue why. You go and warn them while I stay here. That way the digidestined will be ready for whatever's coming, but I won't be there so we won't have fallen into Myotismon's trap." 

"I don't like it, Matt," Gabumon replied doubtfully. "You shouldn't be out here on your own." 

"Oh come on, Gabumon. I can look after myself for a couple of days. And besides," I added cunningly, "Think how pleased the others will be to hear that I'm all right. Think of Takeru's face. Takeru's hope." 

"All right, Matt," sighed Gabumon. "You win. But be careful, okay?" 

"I will," I answered him cheerfully. "Bye!" 

Gabumon trotted off, and I began to look for food. I wasn't really hungry yet, but I might be by the time I found something to eat. Rooting around in a particularly interesting looking patch of tomato-ish plants, I suddenly became aware of voices nearby. I froze... the digidestined? No... a deeper voice... and a quite high-pitched one... and a feminine voice I didn't recognise. But the other two had to be - yes, they were. DemiDevimon and Myotismon. Whatever they were talking about was bound to be interesting. If I was going to live as a rogue, I could trade the information with someone for something valuable. 

"...a fool!" Myotismon was admonishing. "Can you not keep your mouth closed for a few meagre hours, DemiDevimon? Now the Child of Friendship will wish to re-unite with the other digidestined, and our plan will be ruined! Incompetent fool!" 

"Yeesh, Master! I'm sorry!" 

"Enough of your piteous whining! Kelimon will not fail me, as you have often done. She is a powerful ally, she will crush the digidestined in an instant, but first we must find the Child of Friendship before he finds the rest of the group and alerts them to my plan! When he does not return, the digidestined will execute their plan, which is to split up, henceforth rendering them even more vulnerable to our attack!" 

"Great plan, Master!" grovelled DemiDevimon. "What do you want me to do?" 

"Nothing, fool!" Myotismon snapped. "You have caused enough damage. Kelimon will find the Child of Friendship and take him captive. I shall once again relieve him of his digivice and crest, and everything shall go according to plan. DemiDevimon, leave us! We have important matters to discuss." 

"Yeesh! She's hardly been here five minutes and - I mean, yes, your mightiness. Of course, at once," DemiDevimon finished meekly, quailing under Myotismon's terrifying glare. He fluttered off without another word, and I turned my attention back to the two remaining digimon in the clearing. 

Kelimon was a fairly large digimon, coming up to about Myotismon's shoulder. She was a human-type digimon, but there were other parts thrown in... catlike ears, a bushy foxtail and an impressive set of dragonfly wings. Slim and graceful, there was a quiet menace about her that seemed to chill the air around her. I shivered as fingers of ice seemed to scuttle across my back. She spoke, and it was a high tinkling sound that hung in the air like droplets of pure clear glass. 

"You wish me to leave on the search for the Child of Friendship immediately?" she enquired. 

"A moment of your time, my dear," Myotismon requested, his voice dripping with honey. "You look so beautiful this morning." 

My jaw dropped. He was chatting her up! Kelimon smiled coyly at his compliment. "I don't look beautiful most mornings, then?" Myotismon hurriedly corrected his error. 

"Of course, sweetness. Just more so today." 

"Why thank you, Myotismon. It is a relief to know that I do not go unnoticed." 

"It is an impossibility, my dear Kelimon, for you to go unnoticed. You have the most unusual eyes." 

Kelimon laughed, a sound that would freeze fire. "You can say that again." 

Whoa, whoa. Time out. This is not Myotismon here. Christ, he's not that kind of guy! And yet... here he is, practically drooling over some dame. Sure, she was pretty enough, but that wasn't the point. Had Myotismon lost his mind?! Apparently, he had. Wrapping his arms around Kelimon, he leaned in to kiss her lips. I shuddered and choked down on bile. It was like... well, Alaskan Queen meets Boy George! But Kelimon pulled back at the last moment, with a playful smile. "I should find the child..." 

"The child can wait, my dear. Surrender yourself to me..." 

"The child will not wait, Myotismon. Now, I must leave. I will return." 

"I cannot wait." Myotismon captured Kelimon's hand in his and kissed it. Kelimon smiled, but Myotismon could not see that smile. If he had, he would have probably screamed and ran. I nearly did myself, and I was a good twenty feet away. It was ice and daggers, cruel and sly... pure, unadulterated evil that clutched at my insides with a hand of frozen flame. I couldn't breathe, I could barely see. That's what that smile did to me from a distance of twenty feet. It would probably have killed Myotismon. 

"I must leave." So saying, Kelimon spread her wings and hovered above the forest floor. "Until my return." 

"I wait with bated breath until the time I see your beautiful face once more." Make me hurl! But Kelimon just smiled sweetly and whizzed away, a cold turquoise haze of wings shimmering behind her. Myotismon gazed longingly after her, then stooped to pick a flower before vanishing into thin air. I was left alone. 

Well! That was an interesting development, to say the least. Myotismon... and a girl... I pushed the thought firmly away. It made me feel quite ill. But I had to get back to the digidestined, that much was certain. There would be a lot of questions to face and a lot of pride to overcome, but my friends were in trouble and I was the only one who knew it. It was all up to me. 

Juuuuust great. 

Kelimon was my main problem now, she made Mytoismon look about as powerful as Kermit the Frog. If she found me, I wouldn't make it back to the digidestined, of that much I was sure. I would have to be very careful and very quick if I wanted to live to see the rest of the digidestined again. I made my way swiftly through the forest, in the direction of the river. Then I stopped. The river ran through open space, I would stick out a mile to the airborne Kelimon. I'd have to find my way through the forest instead. Gritting my teeth, I began to jog. 

"Gotcha!" The tinkling voice behind me was unmistakable. I spun around to face Kelimon... but it wasn't me she had found. She was holding a squirming digimon that I didn't recognise, and she hadn't noticed me. I dived behind a bush and watched. 

"You! Tell me if you have seen any of the digidestined recently!" she ordered. Her voice was no longer droplets of glass but shards of metal, slicing through the air with a deadly quality. I gulped. 

"Digi... destined?" squealed the poor digimon. "No! No, I haven't!" 

"You'd better not be lying to me!" 

"I - I'm not! I swear!" 

Kelimon narrowed her deep blue eyes. "Well, we'll see, won't we? Look at me!" 

The digimon suddenly stopped struggling, and went limp in Kelimon's grasp. He was staring, mouth slightly open, into Kelimon's eyes, as though they held the answers to all the secrets of the universe. I wasn't far away, even I could see the mystical quality those eyes had taken on. They had become infinitely deep and clear, and though it was a funny thing to say about blue eyes, they seemed warm and inviting... cozy... mmmn... I snapped myself out of it, with an effort. If she was closer, and she was looking at me, I wouldn't have stood a chance. "Do not resist," Kelimon was whispering softly. "You are so tired, poor thing. Just sleep... put your head down and sleep..." Even her voice had become mesmerising, I had to concentrate on not looking back up and gazing into those infinite pools of pure blue. "Lose yourself in me..." 

At that point, I did look back up, my eyes dragged up to meet hers by an invisible, irresistible force. All the muscles in my body began to relax as Kelimon's power worked itself unknowingly upon me. I felt incredibly exhausted, I just wanted to sink into those eyes and sleep for all eternity... And then those eyes snapped back into focus as the digimon's head dropped to his chest, and the blue satin brushing around me, lulling me into sleep, faded away. I shook my head to clear it and watched to see what would happen. 

"Now, tell me," Kelimon ordered in a voice of steel. "Have you seen any human children pass this way?" 

The digimon replied distantly. "One..." 

"Which was it? The Child of Friendship?" I held my breath. 

"Don't know... a boy..." 

"What did his crest look like?" 

"Didn't see..." 

"Ugh!" Kelimon threw her arms in the air exasperatedly. "Where did he go?" 

"Down the river..." 

"WHEN?" 

"Five minutes ago... maybe ten..." 

Kelimon abruptly dropped the digimon and flew away in the direction of the river. I scrambled to my feet and followed. Whoever that boy was, it wasn't me. It could be Jyou or Koushiro, or Takeru... or even Tai. I ran faster. I had to warn him. 

A couple of minutes later, I skidded out of the trees just in time to see Kelimon carrying a screaming Takeru up into the sky. Angemon was following behind them, an expression of utter blankness on his face. He'd been hypnotised. "TAKERU!" I yelled. "You BITCH, put my brother DOWN!" 

Kelimon stopped and turned her head. Fool that I was, I stood my ground. "Matt!" Takeru was wailing. "Onii-chan, help me! Get me down!" Kelimon smiled that smile again, and my insides quailed. 

"Child of Friendship!" she called. "You really think you stand a chance against me? Do you know who I am?" 

"I know what you're gonna be if you don't put him down RIGHT NOW!" I roared defiantly. "I mean it!" 

Kelimon snarled and let Takeru go. He plummeted shrieking to the ground, and I ran forward to catch him. I reached him just in time. "Wait here," Kelimon ordered Angemon, and swooped down, snatching Takeru up again just before he reached my arms. 

"NO!" 

Kelimon flew back up to Angemon. "Hold him." Angemon complied, and Kelimon fluttered back down to the ground before me. "You really think you can stop me? Where is your digimon, Child of Friendship? You cannot defeat me with him, so what hope do you have without?" 

"I'm not going to let you take my brother away!" 

Kelimon rolled her eyes. "Oh please, you have about as much power as a drunken gnat in a room full of insecticide. And besides, you can barely keep your eyes open, you're so tired..." 

Shit! Suddenly her eyes had become deep again, stretching away forever into the distance. I shut my eyes and pressed the lids together, gritting my teeth. 

"Look at me!" 

"Not on your life." 

"But you *want* to," Kelimon crooned. All I could think of was those mesmerising eyes. "You want to sink into my blueness, and lose yourself there forever..." 

It was strange, my eyes weren't opening against my will or anything. That voice was actually making me want to gaze into Kelimon's eyes. I tried thinking of the digidestined, of Takeru, but it was a crazy need that couldn't be ignored. Just a peek... 

Again, my whole body relaxed as I sunk into Kelimon's hypnotic gaze. I was much closer, and everything happened much faster this time. I felt so sleepy, my whole body felt like it was holding a thousand pounds on my shoulders. My eyes, which had a moment ago been begging to let me open them, were once again sliding closed. 

"Sleep, Child of Friendship... sleep..." 

Yeah... sleep... 

"Matt! Help me! PLEASE!" 

Takeru! I struggled with my eyelids... have to... save ... Takeru... 

"Do not resist... do not fight... you want to sleep, Child of Friendship... just sleep... I will return for you later, and you can sleep within my eyes for all eternity. Let yourself go..." 

I was being wrapped around in soft blue velvet, and I was sinking into those eyes... sinking... warm... sleepy. Yawn... nighty night. Mmmn... 

I was lost. 

~~~~~ 

Ooh, a bad digimon! (Not even I saw Kelimon coming, she just kinda wrote herself into the story.) Anyways, you'll be seeing a lot more of her in part seven, so watch this space! :) -Kae Ti xx


	7. Yielding

*Disclaimer* - I don't own the characters, never have done, never will do. Sueing me will earn you all of $5.36 and if you're really that desperate for cash then you can start saving money by getting the hell off the internet. Unless you have a completely free server of course. In which case I envy you greatly. Anyway, on with the fic... 

****

A Love Born of Hate (Part Seven)

Yielding

"MATT, DAMMIT, WAKE UP! DAMN YOU, ISHIDA, OPEN YOUR GODDAMN EYES!" 

"Ow... quit slappin' me, man..." 

"Matt, are you okay?" 

"Yeah, Gabumon, I'm fine... Tell Tai to cut it out." 

"Okay, Tai, Matt's awake now. You can stop slapping him." 

"Stop? Man, I'm gonna slap him black and blue! I'm gonna tear his hair out! I'm gonna give him a shiner that won't fade until his seventieth birthday which, if I have anything to do with it, he won't live to see! I'm gonna -" 

"Tai..." My head was going round in circles and it felt like it was stuffed with the whole of Japan's last week's garbage, and here was Tai trying to add to my problems. "What did I do?" 

"What did you do? What did you DO? You ran, that's what you did! We were all worried sick about you, especially Takeru, and now -" 

"TAKERU! Oh my God..." I did a quick scan of the people around me. Gabumon, Tai and Agumon, Jyou and Gomamon, Sora and Biyomon, Koushiro and Tentomon, Mimi and Palmon... no Takeru, no Angemon. 

"Yeah, that's right!" Tai yelled. "Takeru went out looking for you with Patamon, and now we don't know where they are either! You jerk Matt, you total -" 

"All right, stop." Sora's voice rang out over Tai's and he fell silent, scowling sourly. "Matt, if you're feeling okay, I think we should keep looking for Takeru. We can argue later." 

I hung my head. "I know what happened to Takeru," I said quietly. They looked at me expectantly. "You're not going to like it, but..." I launched into the full story of everything that had happened since Gabumon and I had come across DemiDevimon for the first time, right up until the last thing I remembered before passing out. "She's coming back for me," I told them finally, referring of course to Kelimon. "If I'm here when she gets back, I'm dead." 

"Good," snapped Tai. "Maybe the world will be a better place without you." 

I swallowed and closed my eyes, so nobody could see the tears forming. "I'm sorry," I said thickly. "I just... didn't know what else to do. I had a reason, it wasn't a very good one but..." I was scared. That's what had happened, but I couldn't say that. 

"So what was this not-very-good reason then, huh?" 

"Look Tai," Sora interrupted. "Kelimon may be back at any moment, and I for one don't want to to be here for that. Can we just get out of here?" 

Tai scowled at me. "Right. Let's head for those trees." 

"Well, we've got our digimon, haven't we?" Mimi pointed out. "I should think that all six of them will be more than a match for one, even if it is someone like Kelimon." 

I shook my head. "You don't get it, Mimi. I think Kelimon may even be controlling Myotismon." 

A murmur ran through my audience. "You should have seen the way he was drooling over her," I told them solemnly. "Wrapped round her little finger. Complete control. She's making him love her." 

"Pff," snorted Tai. "In control of Myotismon? Not likely." 

"If you were there," I began heatedly, but Sora cut in. 

"Enough! I have had it up to here with your petty arguing. Let's just GO." 

We headed into the trees and kept walking. "We should head for Myotismon's castle," I spoke up. "That's where Takeru will be." 

"I don't know why you care," muttered Tai. "If you gave a flying fox about Takeru, you'd never have left in the first place." 

"Shut up, Tai," I growled through gritted teeth. "Just shut up." 

We didn't see Kelimon at all on the way to Myotismon's standing, which worried me. I'd rather have seen her so I knew where she was, but like this... she could be anywhere. We kept plodding. 

"There's the castle," Jyou whispered eventually, stopping short. We all halted; we could see it through the trees. Having come to look for me when I ran away, the rest of the DigiDestined had already gone a good way back in the direction of Myotsimon's castle, so it had taken us barely more than a silent, miserable hour to reach it. All I could think about was Takeru, and how I would never forgive myself if he was hurt. Some big brother I am. Some oniichan. 

"What's the plan of attack, then?" asked Mimi. "How're we gonna rescue Takeru?" 

"We'll sneak round the -" Tai began, just as I said "We're gonna have to..." 

We broke off and glowered at each other. "I'm the leader here, not you, *Yamato*," spat Tai, deliberately using my full name. "Don't forget that." His narrowed eyes shot pure hate at me, and I quailed under their unflinching stare. 

"Takeru is my brother," I replied shakily. "I... I have to help him." 

"When he needed your help, you weren't there," Tai reminded me nastily. "What makes you think he'll even want it now?" 

"He loves me," I told Taichi, even more unsteadily now. If I were a lesser person, I'd already have been in tears. But I am Ishida Yamato, and I don't cry. 

Tai sniffed. "Don't know why, I'm sure. It's not like you care worth a damn about anyone but yourself, so why should anybody love you?" 

"Yeah," I replied coolly, fixing him with a pointed stare. "Makes you wonder, doesn't it?" 

His facial expression didn't budge an inch, but his pupils suddenly constricted with dizzying speed. Yeah, you know exactly what I'm talking about, I thought bitterly. You might be surprised at what I know about you, Kamiya Taichi. I think he paled slightly as well, and I shot him a sly smile. He changed the subject hurriedly. 

"Right, Mimi and Palmon, you can use a Poison Ivy attack to climb to the top of the castle wall and get onto the roof. Jyou and Gomamon, check out the moat to see if there's anything interesting there. Izzy and Tentomon can use the laptop to try and hack into some info about inside the castle, Sora and Biyomon can, uh, look for another way in, I guess. I'll stay here with Agumon, and if all of the rest of you get caught then I'll make a forceful and dramatic entrance. Yamato..." He appeared to be thinking about what to do with me. Sora seized the moment for me. 

"Greymon and Garurumon are the most powerful of the digimon. If there has to be a forced entry, they should handle it together. I know you and Matt don't get on well, Tai, but you're just going to have to pull together for a little while. For Takeru's sake." She scowled at us sternly, and I sighed. 

"Okay. Tai, please, for Takeru... let's just try to get along... hmmn?" 

Tai frowned. "Okay. But don't get pushy." Everyone else tiptoed away on their own private missions, and Taichi and I were left alone with Agumon and Gabumon. Silence reigned. 

"Uh, Gabumon..." I began after about five minutes. "Why don't you and Agumon go, ah, um..." I floundered. To my surprise, Tai came to my rescue. 

"What Matt is trying to say," he explained, "is that he and I have some differences to resolve. Matters to discuss. And we'd really appreciate a bit of time to ourselves to sort things out, guys. If you don't mind." 

"Sure, Tai," Agumon chirruped, and Gabumon just nodded. They left. I swallowed. This was it, I realised. The final showdown. Now or never. 

"So... what did you want to discuss?" I asked timidly. I was terrified of the upcoming conversation. 

"Would you like one black eye or two?" Tai enquired politely. I blinked. 

"Huh?" 

"Oh, *please*, Yamato, I don't want to resolve any differences. That was just for the digimon's benefit. What I really want is to rearrange your facial features. So, I repeat: one black eye or two?" He smiled nastily. I closed my eyes. 

"Taichi, this has to stop." 

"You started it." 

"I don't care who started it, it has to stop! Now! People are in danger because of us -" 

"You, Yamato, you." 

"Whatever, Tai! It takes two to tango, y'know. There's always fault on both sides, I'm not interested in placing blame." 

"Because it'd all go to you if you did! I didn't run away, Yamato, remember? You did that all by yourself." 

"Because of you!" 

"Because of me! Why because of me?" 

"Never mind, Tai, it's not important. It's just..." I bit on my lower lip. "For a few short days, we managed to be friends. Can't... can't we be friends again?" 

Tai launched himself at me, shoved me off balance and tackled me to the floor. "Friends? FRIENDS?! You think friends do to each other what you did to us?" 

"Tai, I'm sorry! I -" 

"Oh, you're sorry? How nice for you." He grabbed my collar and shook it so hard my teeth rattled and my vision blurred. "So if Takeru dies, it'll all be okay because Ishida Yamato was sorry. Is that right?" 

I got mad. I shoved Tai over and pinned him beneath me with a kind of fury I've never felt before. "DON'T SAY THAT!" I screamed into his face. "HE'S NOT GONNA DIE!" 

"How do you know? He could be dying right now! And it'll all be your fault!" 

"..." 

"Well? What do you have to say for yourself?" Tai demanded. 

"It isn't... I... he won't..." I burst into tears. I sat back from Taichi, put my face in my hands and sobbed as though I were Takeru himself, desperately trying to stop and failing dismally. Because everything Tai was saying was the truth. I might never see Takeru alive again, and it was all my own fault. 

For a minute or so, I simply sat there and cried. Cried for Takeru, for Taichi, for the childhood I'd never had because I had to grow up to look after my brother, for everything good in my life that I had somehow managed to screw up, for the happy marriage my parents used to have before I did whatever it was I did to ruin it, for anything and everything and the sheer loneliness and misery that was eating me up from the inside. I had never felt more alone in my life. 

And then I felt a hesitant arm curl round my shoulders. "You okay, man?" It was a stupid question, one that I couldn't even answer in my present state. Did I look okay? But then the arm pulled me closer, until its owner was almost hugging me. "Ssshh..." Tai began stroking my hair and I wrapped my arms round him, burying my face in his chest and sobbing all over his tee-shirt. I must have looked like a right prat, but I was beyond caring. I just needed someone to hold me. "It's okay, Matt... man, I'm sorry... that was a really dumb thing to say." 

"I-It's o-hok-kay," I hiccupped. Tai shook his head and hugged me tighter. 

"No, it's not. Takeru'll be fine, Matt, I just lost my rag..." he paused. Then: "I was just really worried about you, you know? When you ran off, and we didn't know where you were... I was crapping myself worrying about you, man. I just wish you'd tell me why you took off so suddenly." I shook my head, unintentionally wiping my streaming nose in Tai's tee-shirt. "Oh, Matt...! Ick!" 

"Shorry," I mumbled, trying to clean it off. Tai starting giggling helplessly, and it wasn't long before I joined in, sniffing between chuckles. "I'll clean it for you, man..." 

"Don't be stupid, it's just a bit of snot. It'll come off in the river next time I wash." 

"Should be there a few weeks, then." 

"Cheeky!" We sat there, with our arms round each other, not paying any attention to the rest of the world at all. It was hard to believe that, two minutes ago, Tai was practically set to kill me. Now he was hugging me and telling me everything would be okay. It felt kinda weird... but nice. 

"TAICHI! MATT!" The sound of someone crashing through the forest met our ears as we sprang guiltily apart, me drying my eyes as best I could. Jyou stumbled into the clearing, followed by Gomamon. Agumon and Gabumon entered from the other side of the clearing about the same time. I kept my blotchy face well down. Tai sprung up to help Jyou. 

"Jyou! What's wrong?" 

"Sora..." the blue-haired boy wheezed. "Myotismon has her and Bi... Biyomon. He's got... her crest... and digivice. And I'm not sure where Koushiro is either!" 

"Tai's face hardened. "All right, they know we're here. A sneak attack won't work. Where's Mimi?" 

"I'm here!" Mimi waltzed up to us carrying Palmon. "We couldn't carry out our plan because I realised that everyone would be able to see up my dress, and that wouldn't be very ladylike, would it?" The ditz blushed slightly and put on an innocent look. I rolled my eyes. 

"All right," spoke up Tai. "This calls for serious action. Almost half our people have been captured by Myotismon now. This means war! Agumon, digivolve!" 

We all cried out the same to our digimon, and their calls echoed out through the trees. 

"Agumon, digivolve to... Greymon!" 

"Gomamon, digivolve to... Ikkakumon!" 

"Gabumon, digivolve to... Garurumon!" 

"Palmon, digivolve to... Togemon!" 

"Garurumon, digivolve to... WereGarurumon!" 

"Greymon, digivolve to... MetalGreymon!" 

We stood together in a fierce knot - four digidestined children, along with their two Ultimate-stage and two Champion-stage digimon. I think Jyou said it best: "Let's kick some Myotismon ass." 

Tai narrowed his eyes. "Yeah," he agreed. "Let's go, people!" *Cue 'Hey Digimon' theme* 

We crashed towards the front door and attacked it with all our might. "Giga Blaster!" 

"Harpoon Torpedo!" 

"Needle Spray!" 

"Garuru Kick!" All our digimon battered at the door, but with no effect. It remained impassive as ever. 

"Looking for a way in?" came a tinkling voice from above us, accompanied by the high-pitched whining of dragonfly wings. We all looked up sharply. "Enter into me..." 

"Kelimon!" I yelled furiously. "Where's my brother?" 

"Hello again, Child of Friendship. Your brother is sleeping... wouldn't you like to go to sleep too?" 

"NO! Don't look at her!" I slapped my hands over my ears and scrunched up my eyes. "Don't even listen! Run!" Beginning to do so myself, I peeked at the others out of the corner of my eye. They were all following my advice, running into the forest with their eyes closed and their hands clamped over their ears. Jyou ran into a tree. 

I suddenly became aware of a steely grip on my shoulders as I was lifted into the air. "Let us see if they will keep their eyes closed now, Child of Friendship!" Kelimon hissed in my ear, grabbing my arm and twisting it sharply behind my back. I cried out in pain; I knew the trick she was trying to play but I couldn't help it. WereGarurumon hesitated without looking round, not daring to face Kelimon's eyes but refusing to go on without me. Stupid, *stupid* STUPID Taichi spun right round and gazed dead at us. 

"Matt! Are you okay?" He suddenly realised his error and tried to turn away again, but he was powerless to break the link between Kelimon's eyes and his own. "Matt..." 

"Tai! No! WereGarurumon, get him!" But the moment the digimon turned back, his eyes too were caught up in Kelimon's hypnotic gaze. Now the other DigiDestined hesitated as well. "Go!" I yelled to them. "There's nothing you can do for us now, work out a plan for later. Just go, now, before it's too late!" They hesitated a moment more, then shot off into the trees. 

"Child of Courage," muttered Kelimon softly. "Ultimate of Friendship. How exhausted you both seem..." 

"NO!" I rammed my elbow into Kelimon's stomach as hard as I could, and she released me with a little cry. I plummeted eight feet to the ground and landed hard, but I had no serious injuries. "Tai, WereGarurumon, come on! Let's go!" 

Kelimon snarled. "Meddlesome child! You shall die first!" So saying, the powerful digimon swooped down and forced my arms to my sides, pinning me to the spot. I closed my eyes. "Look at me, Child of Friendship... Look into my eyes..." 

"No." 

"Do not resist, you cannot. Look at me..." I could feel my will cracking, irrational and deadly desire seeping through the gaps. "Look into my beautiful pools of blue..." 

"Now would be a good time to help me, guys," I squeaked, but nothing happened. God, I wanted - needed! - to see those eyes... No! Yes... No... Oh, God... 

"Boom Bubble... Pwafh!" Kelimon grunted and turned away just as my eyes slid open, meeting only the back of the evil digimon's head. Wait a minute... Boom Bubble? Patamon? Takeru! 

"METEOR WING!" 

"ELECTRO SHOCKER!" Birdramon and Kabuterimon fired upon Kelimon, but served as nothing but a distraction while Sora pushed a very confused me over to the trees. Koushiro was busy slapping Taichi, and WereGarurumon had already come to his senses. 

"WOLF CLAW!" 

"BOOM BUB -" Patamon's battle cry was cut short as a storm of ice shards flew at him from Kelimon's hands, throwing him back against Myotismon's castle wall. 

"Razor Shards!" Kelimon screamed again, this time aiming her attack at Kabuterimon. Koushiro's digimon turned his back on the lethal spray of frozen water just in time, and the fragments shattered as they smashed into Kabuterimon's metal armor. He responded in kind. 

"Electr-" 

"BLUE STUN!" Kelimon's eyes shimmered and a blue shockwave shot out from them, spreading out around her head for at least twelve feet. As it touched me, the strength drained out of my legs and I sank to the floor in a jellified heap, along with the other DigiDestined. Only Takeru, too short to be within the attack's path, remained standing. Patamon had also escaped the shockwave. Kelimon turned to my brother. 

"I don't know who woke you up, little one. So rude, when all you want is to sleep..." 

Takeru grabbed his helmet in both hands and jammed it down over his ears, firmly closing his eyes at the same time. "LALALAAAAA... I CAN'T HEAR YOU!" he bellowed. Kelimon smiled cruelly. 

"Fine, have it your way... Razor Shards!" 

Poor Takeru didn't stand a chance, unable to see or hear the attack coming. The shards stuck in a good few inches all over his body, making him look like some kind of a frozen porcupine. With a choking gasp, Takeru collapsed to the floor, his blood staining the green grass an ominous dark red. 

"Takeru," I whispered. "Takeru..." But I could hardly speak, let alone move. Patamon tried to Boom Bubble, but Kelimon dodged easily and swiped him to the ground with one powerful blow. Currently standing with her back to us, Kelimon suddenly bent right over to regard us through her own legs. She giggled. 

"Blue Stun," she whispered. A faint blue ripple swept over us all and we passed clean out on the floor, Mexican Wave style. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Was that a moment of Taito I glimpsed? Is there hope for the angst-ridden ones yet? Err... don't ask me, I don't know until I've written it! ^_^ Anyways, until the next part. :p -Kae Ti xx


	8. All Your Digimon Are Belong To Myotismon

*Disclaimer* - I don't own the characters, never have done, never will do. Sueing me will earn you all of $5.36 and if you're really that desperate for cash then you can start saving money by getting the hell off the internet. Unless you have a completely free server of course. In which case I envy you greatly. Anyway, on with the fic... 

****

A Love Born of Hate (Part Eight)

All Your Digimon Are Belong To Myotismon

"Matt is gonna *hate* me for this!" 

Through my bleary, semi-conscious vision, I could see Mimi cocking her head to one side. "But you and Matt always hate each other," she pointed out reasonably. 

"And besides," Jyou added, "what happened to Takeru wasn't your fault. There was nothing anyone could have done to stop it. Don't beat yourself up over it, Tai." 

"I don't have to," the dejected leader said miserably. "Matt'll do that for me." 

"Huh..." The three of them turned to me as I struggled to sit up. "Tai... Takeru... What?" 

Looking very nervous, Taichi explained the situation. "Us four are awake, but, uh, Sora and Koushiro and Takeru are still pretty out of it. And -" 

"Takeru!" I scrambled over to where my little brother lay in the corner, patches of blood covering his fleece. 

"Oh God, Takeru... are you okay? Speak to me!" I turned frantically to Tai. "Will he be all right?" 

"We, uh, think so. The ice shards didn't go in too deep, he'll be pretty sore when he wakes up, but other than that he'll be okay... we think." 

"Unless the shards were poisoned, of course," Jyou pointed out in his usual helpful, optimistic manner. I scowled at him and he shut up. I noticed that Tai was being kinda quiet, which was unusual, he was usually all mouth. Well, that and hair, of course. 

"I'll just, uh, sit here with Takeru until he comes round." So saying, I sat beside my brother and took up his hand. "Come on, otoutochan..." 

Jyou, Mimi and Tai drifted away and left us alone. I kept up the encouragement. "You ain't badly hurt, Takeru. You'll be alright, li'l bro. I'm here. I love you, kid." 

I suddenly became aware that Taichi was still hovering behind me, watching us with a faraway expression on his face. My first instinct was to yell at him to get lost, couldn't he see this was a private moment? But I bit back on it and smiled instead. "Hey. Deja vu?" 

"Huh?" Tai looked at me strangely. "No, why?" 

I chuckled to myself. "Oh, no reason. Take a seat, Tai, I wanna talk to you." 

"Um... okay." He sat down beside me on the dusty concrete, and I began. 

"It's not your fault, Tai. Jyou's right. I'm not gonna start a fight with you on this one." 

"Why not? You fight with me on everything else." 

"Hey, I'm making an effort to be nice here," I warned him. He smiled sheepishly. 

"Sorry. Hey, deja vu yourself... recognise this dungeon, by any chance?" 

Now he mentioned it, I did. It was the same dungeon I had been kept in when Myotismon had captured me for the first time, back when me and Tai had been trying to rescue the rest of the DigiDestined. Funny how things turn out... now we were all back here. They would've done better to go on without me. Gabumon had been taken to a different cell back then, and all of the digimon were missing now, too. Just great. "Yeah, I recognise it," I muttered. "Unfortunately." 

"Hey, don't knock this place," Tai joked. "Regular four star hotel, this!" Then becoming more serious - "We made friends here, remember?" 

I began to feel uncomfortable about the turn this conversation was taking - I don't do mushy reminiscing. "Yeah, whatever." 

Tai looked slightly hurt. Oops. "Hey, I didn't mean that. We *are* friends... right?" 

"Oh yeah, the best ever!" 

I chuckled. "Okay, we don't make the perfect team. But..." I trailed off, not sure what I was trying to say. "I guess I mean... oh heck, I dunno what I mean!" I laughed nervously and ran my fingers through my hair. Tai gasped. 

"Matt! Do you have any idea what you just did? You just MESSED UP YOUR HAIR!" 

I gasped myself. "Noooooo!" I mock-wailed. "My life is over! Uh... do you have a comb?" 

Tai pointed to the great fluffy bush sprouting out above his goggles. "Do I look like I have a comb?" 

"Man, you don't look like you ever had a comb." 

"Hey! It took me ages to achieve this look!" 

"Yeah, man... I mean, it must take hours to drag yourself through a bush backwards like that..." 

"Hmmph!" Tai thumped my arm, and I thumped him back. He thumped me again. I pushed him to the floor and dangled my fist in front of his nose. He slapped it out of the way and brought his knee dangerously close to my groin. I winced and eased off. Tai grinned. "Bow to my superiority !" 

"Your superiority my ass!" I yelled. The hentai implications of that little statement hit us both at the same time and we collapsed laughing on the floor. 

"You're a sicko, Matt," Tai choked out between gasps. "Gross!" 

"Yeah," I agreed. No matter how strongly I feel for Tai, I'm only eleven years old and that kind of thing is still definitely gross in my humble opinion. 

"Guys... Mimi? What's going on?" Just as Sora woke up Koushiro stirred too, and soon all six of us were up and about. Only Takeru was still unconscious. I cast him a worried glance before turning my attention to what Sora had to say. 

"I found an open window on the second floor," she was telling us, "so Birdramon and Kabuterimon flew Koushiro and I up to it. Kabuterimon and Birdramon de-digivolved, and we slipped in undetected and began searching for Takeru." 

Tai looked at Jyou accusingly. "I thought you said they'd been captured!" 

Jyou looked embarrassed. "Well, I thought... I assumed..." 

"The worst, as usual," I muttered. "Nice one, Jyou." 

"Sorry." 

"Anyway," continued Sora, "we made our way down to a dungeon - not this one - and we found Tokomon passed out on the floor. Tentomon Super Shockered the lock and we got him out. He told us Takeru had been taken to a nearby prison, so we searched around and found him too. A guard came and we ran for it back the way we came, and we got outside just in time to see you guys in need of some serious help. Are you all okay? How's Takeru?" 

"He'll be alright," I reassured her, with a lot more confidence than I actually felt. 

"This is all my fault," Tai muttered. "If I hadn't turned round to look at Kelimon, if I hadn't been so mean to you all the time, Matt, if I wasn't so *stupid*..." 

"Hey hey hey, time out," I said, surprised. "You being mean to me? I thought I was the one who was always mean to you!" Tai shook his head. "Forget that, dude. We gotta get out of here fast, before someone gets hurt *really* badly... and then it will be my fault. We need a plan." He paused and looked round. Everyone was looking at him. He nodded. "All right, give me time to think of something. I will get us out of here. I promise." 

The whole group spirit rose after that. For a couple of seconds I felt a pang of the old jealousy, but pushed it away. It was just that - well, if Tai had been someplace else and *I* had made that speech, there would have been a hell of a lot of mistrustful muttering going round. Everyone has confidence in Tai, he's a natural leader, and I guess I'm... well, not. 

Tai went off into a corner on his own to think of a miraculous escape plan, and I sat with Takeru. "Hey, little bud," I whispered. "How's it goin'?" 

"My tummy hurts," Takeru whimpered. Then he stirred and opened his eyes. "Matt?" 

"Takeru!" I grabbed him and hugged him until he complained that I was making it hurt, so I put him gently back down. Tears trickled down his cheeks and he rubbed them away with a grubby hand. "How d'you feel?" I asked him. 

"Like a pincushion," he replied, sniffing. "Are you okay, Matt? Did we get Kelimon?" 

I shook my head slowly. "No, we didn't get her. Not this time, anyway, but we will. And everyone else is fine, it's just you who's a little banged up. You were really brave, you know." 

"I was?" Takeru's eyes shone at my praise, and it wasn't just the tears. "You really think?" 

"Course I do! You think I'd lie?" I made my voice go all funny and deep. "Mister Ishida does not take kindly to being called a liar, Mister Takaishi. You're not calling me a liar, are you?" 

"Oh Matt, cut it out," laughed Takeru. "You don't need to put on the Mister Ishida voice anymore. I'm a big boy now." 

"An' who says I do it for you, huh?" I demanded, but then I relented. "Okay, I won't anymore. You're growing up real fast. I think you'll be getting a beard any day now, whaddya think?" He giggled as I scrutinised his chin for whiskers. "Not yet, kiddo. But pretty soon now." 

"I've got it!" yelled Tai from the other end of the room. Six heads turned sharply, and Takeru tried to peer around me to get a better view. 

"What? What has he got?" 

"We can just -" our leader began excitedly. But then he hesitated, and his face fell. "No. It wouldn't work. Forget it." 

"We could -" Sora started to say, but Tai shook his head. 

"It won't work, I said. Just forget it, Sora. There's only one thing that will work now... GUARD!" 

We all looked at each other. "Perhaps he's surrendering?" suggested Jyou hopefully. Koushiro shook his head. A Digimon walked in. 

"Yes? What do you want?" 

"I want to talk with Myotismon." It was an order more than a request, and it certainly convinced our guard. 

"I-I'll let him know," he stammered, and fled. We all turned to Tai. 

"Just what in the hell are you up to?" 

"What are you going to do, Tai?" 

"I still think we should surrender." 

"He know what he's doing, don'tcha, Tai?" 

"I think he's just being silly!" 

"This does seem somewhat irrational, and would most likely irritate Myotismon further." 

"Shut up, all of you!" Tai bawled. We fell silent. "Takeru's right, I know what I'm doing. But I'm not going to tell you what I'm doing, because you won't like it and you might not let me do it." 

"Sounds dangerous to me," I commented suspiciously. Tai nodded. 

"It is. But it'll work, I'm positive of it." 

"Myotismon will see you now. Come this way. Stay back, the rest of you!" The guard began to unlock the cage. 

"Do as he says," commanded Tai in a low voice. We stayed back as he was dragged from the cage and shoved across the dungeon. I closed my eyes to block out the sight of him sprawling on his face. He got back to his feet and began to climb the stairway. 

"Tai, wait!" I called out, running to the bars. I was getting very bad vibes about this idea of Tai's. "You, uh, said it was dangerous. As a leader, you should avoid putting the group in danger at all costs!" I was desperate for him not to go. 

Tai looked back at me and smiled sadly. "The rest of you won't be in danger. Hey, Matt... take care of Agumon for me." 

"Take care of... but... Tai, you'll be coming back, right?" He was shoved up the stairs and out of sight. 

"TAI!" I yelled frantically. "Come back! Please, Tai -" 

The slam of a door was heard. Cursing and footsteps. The sounds receded, and the dungeon was plunged back into silence. 

"No," I whispered. I swallowed hard and scrunched up my eyes. "NO!" I kicked the iron bar in front of me as hard as I could, and pain flooded through my foot. That was okay, the pain felt good. I kicked it again, then slithered to the floor. God, what had he done? 

The rest of the DigiDestined looked at each other helplessly. We were nothing without our leader, I realised. What stupid thing had he gone and done now? Oh yeah, be a hero, Tai, I thought bitterly. And get us all killed while you're at it. 

"Matt?" Takeru asked in a voice that trembled. "Tai *is* coming back, isn't he?" 

"I don't know, kiddo," I had to admit. "I just don't know." 

We all sat around in silence for about half an hour, until the door crashed open and Myotismon swept in. We all jumped and scrambled to our feet. I clenched my fists. Myotismon laughed. 

"Your pitiful leader," he spat contemptuously, "has offered himself up to me in exchange for the freedom of the rest of you and all your Digimon. Heh... it was an offer I had to refuse. Why bother to strike such a deal, when I already have *all* of you under my power? I could kill you all in an instant!" 

"Then why don't you!" yelled Takeru suddenly, who had been hiding behind me up until that point. "We don't have our Digimon, we can't defend ourselves! If you want us all dead, then why haven't you killed us already!?" 

Myotismon scowled. "I have other plans. You are all going to be entrusted to the care of a dear friend of mine." So saying, Myotismon extended an arm towards the doorway behind him. A feminine hand reached out and elegantly took his, and in came Kelimon. Takeru hid back behind me again. 

"You're all coming with me, DigiDestined," she purred. "You, your Digimon and your bruised and battered friend." So saying, she produced Taichi from nowhere and flung him towards us. He passed straight through the solid metal bars and landed with a thump on the floor. I shot over to him and he opened his eyes and looked at me. 

"Matt? Ungh... ow." 

Nothing seemed broken, but his whole body (or at least, what I could see of it) was covered in huge purple and yellow bruises. A thin trickle of dried blood encrusted one cheek, and blood still ran freely from his nose. "Oh man, what did he do to you?" I whispered. Tai shook his head weakly. 

"Not him... her. She wants to use... our power... to..." He stopped and closed his eyes, trying to concentrate. "To find new worlds... like, like our world... and conquer them all. Our families, Matt, all our friends... they'll be killed, or made to... to be slaves. Like Myotismon. We can't stop her, she's too powerful... she'll *make* us help her..." He licked his dry lips and swallowed. "We're doomed." 

Kelimon laughed, and Myotismon joined in. "You will be taken to my home in the morning," Kelimon informed us, "and there you'll be put to good use. Ciao for now..." The ugly pair left us alone again. Jyou plopped his head into his hands. 

"I knew this was gonna be a bad day right from the start." 

"Oh, who cares about your day!" burst out Mimi. "I'm tired and I'm cold and I'm hungry and I don't *want* to be a slave, I want to go home and have people wait on me and let me eat chocolate ice-cream from the tub and wash my hair with egg shampoo, I want to see my Mom and Dad and sit on the sofa watching telly where it's nice and safe and dry and I don't have to worry about any scary monsters except the ones in my closet, I want to talk with all my friends about boys and homework and makeovers and I WANT TO GO HOOOOOOOMME! OHHHH..." 

"That's all you have to worry about?" muttered Jyou under the noise of Mimi's bawling. "If I don't get back to the real world soon then I'm not going to be able to catch up on all the schoolwork I've missed and I won't be able to pass any of my exams. I've got more to lose than a few home comforts and a couple of false nails, Mimi. I have *real* worries." 

"OH YEAH WELL JUST TRY THINKING OF SOMEONE ELSE BUT YOURSELF FOR A CHANGE JYOU!" Mimi yelled back at him. "JUST BECAUSE YOU LIVE A BORING GEEKY LIFE DOESN'T MEAN THE REST OF US HAVE TO!" 

"Hey, that's not fair, Mimi," said Sora. "We all miss home in different ways, but-" 

"Just butt out, Sora," Jyou snapped, clenching his fists. "This has nothing to do with you." 

"Yeah, Sora!" shrieked Mimi. "Mind your own stinking business!" 

"Jyou, Mimi; Sora is just trying to help," Koushiro spoke up. "Maybe you should listen to her." 

"I can handle this, Koushiro." 

"Yeah, and what would you know anyway?" Jyou challenged the smaller boy rudely. "You barely pull your head out of that damn laptop twice a year, it's a wonder any of us recognise your face!" 

"Those of us who can bear to look at it," Mimi added savagely. 

Sora began to lose patience. "Just shut up, Mimi! If you whined less and thought more, difficult as it is with a brain the size of a pea, the DigiDestined might actually get somewhere!" 

"Oh yeah, you can *really* handle this, can't you Sora?" drawled Koushiro, smarting from Mimi's insult and not really caring who he took it out on. "Think you're the sensible one out of all of us... don't make me laugh." 

"And like you're the most sensible person here!" Mimi shot at him, smirking. "You live in a world of your own, filled with dirty hentai webpages!" 

Koushiro reddened with rage. "I most certainly do not! And none of you are exactly what I'd call prime examples of sensibility, are you? A prodigiously idiotic bunch, if you ask me!" 

"Well nobody asked you, Koushiro, so keep it shut." 

"What would you know, Four-Eyes!?" 

Takeru slapped his hands over his ears. "You're all acting like jerks!" he yelled, but nobody heard him. I pressed my lips together in a firm line and began dragging Tai, still semi-conscious and dazed, over to a safe corner. Then I stood up and surveyed my bickering - no, almost *brawling* friends in consternation. 

"I SAID YOU'RE ALL ACTING LIKE JERKS!" screamed Takeru. All four turned on him. 

"Shut UP, Takeru!" 

That did it. "SHUT UP ALL OF YOU!" I bellowed, but nobody paid me the slightest bit of attention. Mimi was shrieking the loudest, so I changed my tactics. 

"MIMI! LOOK! A FRECKLE ON YOUR NOSE!" 

That got her attention all right. "What? Where?" she squealed, crossing her eyes and trying to get a good look at her own nose. "A freckle! Argh!" 

"Mimi, there is no freckle," I told her. She breathed a sigh of relief and turned back to Jyou... "Don't you DARE all start arguing again!" I bawled. Silence filled the dungeon and I glared at my friends. Yeah... they really were my friends. I never realised that before. "Now listen to me, all of you," I commanded. "I don't want to hear about who said what, and I don't want to know who started it. I just want it to stop, right now. This isn't helping. It isn't helping Taichi, it isn't helping me and it isn't helping any of you. Quite possibly it's helping Kelimon, though, cause while you're all bickering you're not planning an escape. We can fight, or we can stick together. Anyone who wants to fight can go stand at the other end of the dungeon and fight there." Pause for effect. "Well?" All four of them hung their heads in shame, not moving. "Good," I said, feeling pretty damn pleased with myself. I fixed them all with the evil eye for a bit, then turned back to Tai! 

"How ya doing, baby?" ...Feck! Did I just say that? Balls! Oh *no*... 

"I'm okay, I think..." Tai started to push himself into a sitting position, then hesitated and looked up at me, flicking his little fringe out of his eyes. "Yamato... did you just say...?" 

"Say what?" I asked innocently, steeling my nerves to restrain me from running screaming across the dungeon. Act normal, Matt. Gulp. 

"Uhh... nothing. Guess I must have imagined it." He eyed me distrustfully as he leaned back against the wall, and I smiled at him casually. Act normal. My chest feels tight... oh yeah, Yamato, and remember to breathe. 

Tai closed his eyes and muttered something I didn't catch. "Huh? Whaddya say?" 

"I was just wishing I could see a way out of this... but I don't. I really don't. I promised the others, but... I just don't think I can deliver this time. There really isn't anything we can do." 

I snorted. "What are you talking about, of course there is!" 

"Oh yeah? Like what?" 

"Well, Takeru's always trying to be like us... maybe now *we* should do what *Takeru* is doing." 

"You've lost me. From what I can see, Takeru is reminding himself of the lyrics to 'Three Blind Mice'. How's that supposed to help us?" 

"Not that, jackass!" 

"Well, what then?" 

"Hope," I told him simply. "We hope." 

"Hope for what? Quick and painless deaths?" 

"Come on, Tai! This isn't like you. You're the optimist of the gang, right? Don't pull a Jyou on me. The others look to you for support." 

"Well, I guess they can look somewhere else for a change..." 

"You don't sound so sure anymore." 

"I'm not. I'm not sure of anything right now, to be honest. What's the point of being a leader if I can't lead them anywhere?" 

"That doesn't matter. They feel better just having you around..." 

"Yeah right." 

"...and so do I." Hello, I am a dork! You'd better appreciate what a sacrifice that was, Yagami. 

Tai looked at me sharply. "Really?" 

"Uhh..." 

"So you look to me for support, do you?" He was grinning broadly now, but I was beginning to think this had been a bad idea. I had put a lot of pride on the line to raise his spirits, and if he just treated that as a joke then I'd probably curl up and die of the heartbreak right there on the spot. Sorry to be mushy, but that's the way I felt about it. "Well?" Taichi prompted. 

"Whatever, Tai. Whatever." 

Tai chuckled. I was inches from painful tortuous death by loss of pride when he finally got serious and said, 

"Thanks, Matt. It... means a lot to me." 

I smiled. "All in a days work." 

"You know, that speech back there was pretty good. Short but, uh, sweet. And the pep talk you gave the others was kinda impressive too... you'd make a pretty good leader after all, y'know. Don't look at me like that, I mean it." My heart was singing - praise from the mighty Taichi! O happy day! "So..." he continued, "seeing as I'm in no state to be hope-inspiring, why don't you give them the little speech you gave me? You know, the whole hope thing... raise their spirits too." 

"Uh, I dunno, Tai, you know me..." I was prepared to lay down a little pride for and cook up a special speech for Taichi, but the rest of them could forget it. This whole spirits-raising jobbie was a private matter. 

"Okay. I'll have to do it then." 

"What do you think you're doing?" 

"Why, Yamato, I'm standing up. You can't deliver a speech sitting down. And then there's the whole striding around thing, and the waving your arms about, and leaping up and down getting everybody to be enthusiastic..." 

"You can't do that, you're hurt!" 

"Nice to know you care, but it has to be done by someone. And it looks like that someone is me. Unless..." He turned the full puppy-eyes routine onto me, and I just melted into a little puddle right there and then. Putty in the hands of a master. 

"Ungh..." 

"Sorry, Yamato? What was that?" 

"I said all right, okay already, I'll do it!" 

Tachi grinned cheekily. "Knew I could count on you, Matt. I owe you one." 

"Yeah, too right. Um, okay everyone, listen, uh, up!" 

"Save the speeches, you pathetic little twerp." Kelimon flung the door open with a bang and glared at us all with venom in her eyes... whoops, don't look at the eyes. "There's been a change of plan," she barked. "We're leaving tonight. Now. Move yourselves, come on, hurry! I don't have all night. Razor Shards!" The padlock shattered as we cringed away from the attack, and Kelimon jerked the gate open with ratty impatience. "Out!" 

We trooped out silently, me helping Tai to stagger unsteadily along the hallways. Myotismon was nowhere to be seen... I wondered if he was aware of this last-minute change in plans. Finally, we reached the huge front doors. 

"If anyone tries to make a run for it," Kelimon hissed, "I will instantly kill one of the others. You know I can do it. Don't try my patience. You there! Open these doors." 

"M-M-Myotismon d-didn't say anything ab-bout anyone l-l-leaving tonight, m-miss..." 

"I don't CARE about Myotismon, and I don't CARE about YOU! RAZOR SHARDS!" The terrified Digimon tried to duck, but too late. I averted my eyes from the sight of the wretched creature pinned to the wall, blood pouring from the fatal wound, and tried to block the sound of its dying squeals from my ears. 

Takeru clung weeping to my leg as an enraged Kelimon smacked the lever over with a bloodcurdling howl of fury, and the doors creaked slowly open. Grabbing Koushiro by an ear, she marched out and flung him into the back of a silver chariot with dangerous-looking spikes on the wheels, motioning for us to follow with a toss of her head. Sora, Jyou and Mimi scrambled in, I helped Tai to climb up and then lifted Takeru into the dim, bare space inside. Kelimon grabbed the back of my collar and shoved me roughly inside, and I sprawled face-first into the carriage with my companions. I wondered briefly where Gabumon was before the doors were slammed shut and we were all plunged into inky blackness. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

I know, I know, it was way longer than all the other parts. So sue me! I know this was a bit long in coming, I've been a bit busy lately, but I'll try to get part nine done quickly, m'kay? :) -Kae Ti xx


	9. Gripped By Daring

*Disclaimer* - I don't own the characters, never have done, never will do. Sueing me will earn you all of $5.36 and if you're really that desperate for cash then you can start saving money by getting the hell off the internet. Unless you have a completely free server of course. In which case I envy you greatly. Anyway, on with the fic... 

****

A Love Born of Hate (Part Nine)

Gripped By Daring

"Matt?" Takeru's tearful whisper floated through the pitch-dark inside Kelimon's chariot. "Where are you?" I crawled forwards a couple of feet towards the voice, and a small pair of hands attached themselves to my arm. "Matt?" 

"Yeah, it's me. It's okay, Takeru. I'm here." I put my arms round him and he snuffled into my top, giving little hiccups now and then. Otherwise, we were silent. The chariot jerked forward and began to move, gliding smoothly along the track. This did not look good at all. 

Then I realised that my eyes were beginning to adjust to the darkness - there must be light getting in somewhere, I could make out five indistinct forms around me. Too dark to tell who was who, though. Nobody spoke. Nobody believed we were going to get out of this alive, I realised. Including me. 

"We're not giving up." The determination in Tai's voice cut through the dark like a knife. "Not now. Not after we've been through this much together, it's not going to end like this. I won't let it." 

I raised my head to listen, and I could feel the people around me doing the same. Even Takeru pulled his face out of my top. Tai went on. "It's not just a matter of living or dying, or even saving the world now. It's gotten way too personal. Remember when we first came to the Digiworld? We didn't have a clue how to survive. If it wasn't for Agumon I wouldn't have lasted twenty minutes, and you all owe your Digimon the same debt. Wherever they are, whatever Myotismon and Kelimon have done with them, we have to help them now. It's our turn to save them, because they've done so much for us since we arrived here." He raised his voice slightly. "Are you lot going to let her kill us without ever seeing our friends again?" 

"Hell no!" Jyou sounded strangely determined, and braver than I've ever seen him act before. "I'm going to see Gomamon again whatever it takes, whetever I have to do I'll do it, and I don't care how many consequences there are just so long as seeing Gomamon is one of them!" 

"Yeah!" sqeaked Mimi. "I haven't shown Palmon even *half* the different hairstyles I can give her, and I'm gonna show her the rest... besides, I care about her, and she's done so much for me." 

"Tentomon... you always protected me," Koushiro muttered, sounding kinda choked up. "You can count on me to help you." 

"For Biyomon!" agreed Sora. "Climb any mountain! Swim any sea! Brave any thunderstorm, cause there's always a rainbow at the end." She paused. "My Mom used to say that," she added softly. 

"My Mom always says, 'Takeru, be careful! Mind you don't hurt yourself!'... and other stuff like that," my little brother piped up. "That's cause she's always looking out for me. Now I have to look out for Patamon. He's like having a little brother - and you have to look after a little brother, don'tcha, Matt?" 

"Too right!" I agreed. "And you have to look after your friends, too. Gabumon is my friend, and I'll do whatever I have to to see him again. Whatever that Keli-slapper throws at me I'm not gonna give up!" 

"Great!" enthused Tai. "That's the spirit... I guess we just needed to have a little hope after all." The Tai-shape stood up and moved towrds the door. I heard it rattling, but it was locked fast. "Do you have a hairclip, Mimi?" he asked. 

"Uh, let me see... Sora, can you wear my hat a minute?" So saying, Mimi unceremoniously plonked her monstrous pink *thing* onto my head. 

"Hey!" I protested. "I'm not Sora!" 

"Oops... sorry, Matt," Mimi giggled, and I felt it being lifted off my head. 

"And I'm not Sora either!" I heard Koushiro's voice say indignantly. 

"Oh for goodness sake, Mimi, I'm here!" 

Sora took the hat, and Mimi began searching her head for a hairpin. "Got one!" she cried triumphantly, handing it to Taichi and nearly poking Jyou's eye out in the process. "What're you gonna do with it?" 

"I'm gonna try and pick the lock with it." 

"You aren't going to bend it out of shape, are you?" 

"Already have. Sorry, Mimi." 

"TAAIIII! That was my best hairpin!" 

"Keep it quiet back there!" we heard Kelimon bark. Tai answered Mimi in a whisper. 

"Hey... anything for Palmon, right?" 

"Oh yeah. Right. I'm definitely going to rescue her now, it's be a waste of a hairpin otherwise." 

Two or three minutes passed, Tai working on the lock and the rest of us talking in whispers. Finally, Jyou got impatient. "You got it yet, Tai?" 

"Hardly," our leader puffed, switching hands. "I don't even know if this is going to work, it's a strong lock and only a little hairpin... no offense, Mimi. But this is probably going to take an hour or more, if it works at all... but it's all we can do for now, so I'm going to do it. Damn, this is awkward with my left hand..." Tai switched hands again. "Talk amongst yourselves." 

An hour passed. Takeru and Sora fell asleep, and Koushiro looked to be getting that way. Jyou and Mimi were swapping funny stories in low voices, and I was leaning against the door watching Taichi work. He didn't seem any closer to getting the doors open. "Give it a break, Tai," I whispered. "Let me take over for ten minutes, you're gonna kill yourself like that." 

Taichi shook his head. "I know my... my way around the ins...side of this lock now. If you tried... you'd be starting from... from scratch. Our chances... our chances are better if I keep going." 

I shrugged. "If you say so." I leaned my head back and decided to rest my eyes... just for five minutes. 

When I woke up, Koushiro, Mimi and Jyou were all fast asleep. Tai was still wearily attacking the lock, and he turned to me as I sat up a bit. "Hiya, sleepy." 

"Hi," I mumbled, still half asleep. "How long's it been?" 

"About another hour and a half or so," Tai replied, rattling the hairpin inside the lock in sheer frustration. "Damn! why can't I open this?" 

"I don't think it's going to work, Tai," I told him. "There's hope and there's obsession, and you're veering towards the latter." 

"I have to keep trying," he said resolutely. "I'm not giving up now." He switched hands again. 

"Nobody's going to blame you for not doing it, Tai." 

"I know, because I'm going to do it!" He kept hacking, and I drifted off back to sleep. 

* * * * * 

I awoke with a start, in a blind panic, as the doors flew open behind me and I tumbled out of them backwards. I reached out to grab the nearest thing to stop my fall, which happened to be Taichi. Who was also falling. With little yelps of panic, we both plummeted out of the back of Kelimon's silver chariot. I braced myself for the thump of the ground... but it didn't come. I met air and more air as Taichi and I fell down and away from the chariot, being drawn by two flying horse Digimon. We had been flying the whole time. I couldn't see the ground and I didn't know how far down it was, but by the time I had fallen twenty feet I was certain that, when I landed, I would break every bone in my body. 

"Matt!" I heard Tai gasp. We clung to each other as we fell, and I realised that, if I didn't tell him how I felt now, I'd never be able to. I opened my mouth and began to pour everything out in a rush. 

"Tai, you have to know that I lo-" The words were cut off as we were plunged into icy water, its stinging slap bringing pain almost beyond belief to every square inch of my body. Realising that I was going pretty deep, I kicked for the surface with all my might, feeling Tai do the same beside me. Struggling upwards with burning lungs, I realised I wasn't going to make it. It was too far, I couldn't hold my breath... Then I felt Taichi grab me by the collar and yank me up, and suddenly I was gasping in the night air again, extremely thankful to be alive. I grabbed Tai's arm and he grabbed mine, and we bobbed and gasped and gasped and bobbed. Then Tai began paddling feebly for shore.

"Come on, Matt," he panted. "You can see the beach from here. We have to find someplace to hide before Kelimon realises we're gone." Dazedly, I followed him. Everything was happening way too fast. 

We dragged ourselves out onto the beach and took a good look around. It wasn't a beach I recognised, something told me that we were far, far away from File Island. "Oh, crap," croaked Taichi suddenly. "Look, Matt." 

I looked, and my heart sank. The beach faded out into a dry, cracked, earthy desert, punctuated only by the occasional limp tree. Even in the dark, I could see that this was no haven of life. "Great," I sighed, slumping to the ground. "Now what?" 

"Hope, Matt, hope," Taichi reprimanded me. "That's the advice you gave me, and pretty darn good advice it was too. At least we're better off here than we were in Kelimon's chariot, right? We can use my compass to keep us moving in one direction - and after all, this desert can't stretch on forever." 

I grinned - at least he'd gotten his optimism back. "You're right," I agreed. "Let's go." 

"Just a mo," said Tai, pulling his tee-shirt off to wring it dry. I concentrated on not staring at his chest. "Okay, I'm ready." He squirmed his way back into his top and dragged his compass out. "Uh, South-West. Let's move on out." We began trudging. 

We talked a lot while we were walking. Not about anything important, just chatter, but it... well, I dunno. There's nothing special about talking to someone, I guess, it just... well, felt nice to have him all to myself for a while. Not that I wasn't worried about Takeru and the others, but being alone with Tai was a consolation, at least. But after an hour or so, the chattering grew less and faded out, and it was just march, march, march. Tai looked pretty tired so I asked him if he wanted to stop for a bit, but he just shook his head and kept walking. By the time we hit the two hour mark, it was pretty obvious that Tai wasn't going to be able to go much further. I was pretty knackered myself, but Tai was exhausted. I stopped. "Come on, Tai," I said firmly. "We've been walking for two hours. It's time to stop and get some sleep." 

"Can't." Tai turned to look at me. "Kelimon'll spot us a mile off in this terrain. We have to keep moving." 

"You're gonna collapse or something." 

"Rubbish." Tai began walking on again, but stumbled over nothing but air and would have gone down if I hadn't caught his arm. "I'm okay, Matt, lemme go..." 

"You're *not* okay," I retorted, slipping an arm round his waist to support him. He sagged against me for a moment, then pulled himself up again. 

"Let's keep moving." 

"Let's not. Tai, you've been heavily bashed about and you haven't had any sleep yet tonight. Look, it's nearly dawn, you can see the light on the horizon. You need to rest." 

"No, Matt..." 

"Yes, Tai... oh, for crying out loud, alright then. Here, let me take the compass." Tai handed it over and I half-helped, half-carried him over to the nearest tree and sat him down against the trunk. He cracked his eyes open blearily. 

"Wot you doing...?" 

I sat down beside him and put an arm round his shoulders, not caring what he thought about it. He wouldn't remember half of what had happened by morning anyway, he was so tired. "C'mere, you," I whispered, pulling him against me. His eyes closed, his head slid down onto my chest and he slept. I smiled. 

* * * * * 

I woke up many hours later because Tai was shifting position. A very light sleeper, me. Anyways, I opened one eye just a fraction and spied on him as he lifted his head and blinked sleepily. Kawaii! Then he looked up at me, and I clamped my eyes shut quickly. "Dude, what the...?" I heard him mumble, starting to move away to find a sleeping spot of his own. But then he hesitated. I squinted through one barely-open eyelid again, try to see what he was up to. He went to move off again, then hesitated again. Finally, with a little shrug of resignation, he shuffled back over to me and put his head back down on my chest, wrapping his arms round my waist and snuggling - there is no other word to describe it but *snuggling* - back down to sleep. 

"And to what do I owe this unexpected honor?" I drawled. I was taking a huge risk, I knew, but I think it was fairly obvious how Tai felt. It was time to sort this out - and besides, I probably wouldn't get a chance like this ever again. 

Taichi jumped a mile. He leapt away from me like he'd been shot and regarded me with terrified guilt. Gotcha red-handed, I thought. "Didn't say anything about you having to move, though," I added ruefully. "Don't look at me like that, Tai, it makes you look as though you've done something wrong." 

Taichi obviously thought I was toying with him. "Uh, Yamato, I -" 

"Matt," I corrected him pleasantly. "You call me Matt now, remember?" 

Poor Tai was was beginning to look extremely confused. "Yeah okay, Matt, then... I honestly don't know how that happened," he lied through his teeth. "Amazing the mistakes you can make when you're asleep, huh?" 

"You were awake," I reminded him. "I saw you." 

Tai looked as though someone had just squeezed all the air out of his lungs. "I... uh..." 

"Oh, Tai... c'mere." 

"Maybe I should just -" 

"C'mere, I said." 

Tai shuffled nervously over, obviously thinking I was set to deck him the minute he got within decking distance. I stood up and he planted himself before me, head hung down, the absolute picture of dejection. I sighed and put a hand on his shoulder, lifting his chin with the other. He gave me a quick, miserable glance before dropping his gaze again. I closed my eyes and kissed him full on the lips. 

Taichi stood absolutely still, rigid with shock. I wrapped an arm round his shoulders, pulling him closer, and he hesitantly put his arms round my waist and started kissing tentatively back. I was in sweet, sweet heaven for all of three seconds... and then he suddenly pulled his arms back, shoved against my stomach and pushed away from me, gasping and spitting. 

"Dude, SICK!" he spluttered, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand and making disgusted faces. "What kind of a sick freak *are* you?" He looked up at me in horror, revulsion and fear, before bending back over to spit exaggeratedly on the ground. "Make me puke!" 

"But... wha?" It was my turn to be confused. "Tai..." 

"Just don't, okay Yamato? Just keep away from me!" 

My knees began to tremble. This was not going the way I had planned. "You're saying... you don't have feelings for me?" I asked in a small voice. 

"You're damn right I don't have feelings for you!" 

I closed my eyes and concentrated on not passing out. "Oh... okay," I heard myself say faintly. 

"Yamato, I don't even want to have to look at you for the rest of this journey," Tai informed me coldly. "Just give me the compass and follow me." I gave him his compass and he strode off, leaving me to straggle along in his wake. This wasn't happening to me. Oh God, please let this be a dream. I squeezed my eyes shut against tears but they rolled out from under my lids anyway. I choked on a sob. 

"Don't be so wet, Yamato," Tai scoffed from up ahead. "You're acting like a baby." I stifled the sobs but the tears kept coming. Through my blurry vision I made out a forest on the horizon, a haven of greenery... but it just didn't seem to matter anymore. Nothing seemed to matter anymore. I didn't even care if I saw Takeru again or not. 

It was about three quarters of an hour later when we hit the shade of the forest - we had walked for two hours or more during the night, but this was daytime and the sun was merciless. Taichi sat under a tree, his hair wilting. 

"We'll rest here." I nodded and sat down under a different tree, a little way away from Taichi. Then I opened my nouth. I didn't know what I was going to say, but something had to be said. Things couldn't go on like this. 

"Tai -" 

"Don't talk to me, Yamato." 

I flipped. This was totally unfair. "Oh yeah, well if you don't have feelings for me then how come you snuggled right back up to me after you woke up? Answer me that, Mister I-Think-You're-Sick-For-Fancying-A-Guy! And how come you got all hugsy with me that time when I got upset, huh? HUH?" 

"Because... just because you were my friend, and I cared about you, okay? WERE my friend, that is!" 

"You snuggled up with your head on my chest because you were my FRIEND?" 

"I don't have to listen to this." Tai stood up and began to walk away. I leapt to my feet. 

"Don't you dare just turn around and walk away from me! You love me, Yagami! You said so!" 

Taichi spun round. "Oh yeah? When?" 

"After that fit you had from eating that fruit you were allergic to! I sat beside you and held your hand and hoped and prayed that you would get better, and I told you I loved then, and you opened your eyes and said *'I love you too'*... You may not remember it, but you said it, man! Sora can can vouch for me!" 

Taichi stared at me pale-faced. "I thought that was a dream," he whispered. Then he snapped back into focus. "Sora knows?!" 

"Man, she came up behind me..." I sat back down and wiped my forehead clean of sweat. "She heard everything, Tai. But she hasn't told a soul. She's okay with the whole thing, really." 

"WHAT whole thing?" Taichi demanded. "There's nothing going on here, Yamato! So just leave me alone!" He began to walk away again. 

"Tai!" I yelled. "Be reasonable! You know what you said!" 

"I didn't say nothing, ya frickin homo perv!" 

I began to run after him. "We can't afford to split up, Tai, wait for me!" 

"Fuck off, Yamato!" He broke into a sprint and was immediately lost among the trees; I tried to give chase but it was hopeless. He could have veered off in any direction... I had lost him. 

"YOU LOVE ME, YAGAMI TAICHI!" I screamed into the forest, tears streaming down my face. "YOU SAID SO!" There was no reply. I collapsed to my knees and sobbed like a baby, rejected and completely alone. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Sorry, everyone, I just had to trail out the angst a little longer. I'm now looking to have twelve parts in this saga, but don't hold me to it, I might change my mind. Ja ne! :-} -Kae Ti xx


	10. Alone Again

*Disclaimer* - I don't own the characters, never have done, never will do. Sueing me will earn you all of $5.36 and if you're really that desperate for cash then you can start saving money by getting the hell off the internet. Unless you have a completely free server of course. In which case I envy you greatly. Anyway, on with the fic... 

****

A Love Born of Hate (Part Ten)

Alone Again

"Tai..." It hurt to talk now, after three days my throat was so dry and parched it felt like sandpaper when I swallowed. "Please... I'm sorry..." I stumbled and fell to my knees. "Help, me Taichi... I don't want to die..." 

"Matt... it's okay..." I felt strong arms supporting me. "I'm here, Yama-chan, it's all right. I'll look after you. You just rest." 

"Tai?" My eyelids fluttered weakly. "You came back..." 

"I had to. I couldn't let you get hurt. Matt, I'm sorry. I was such a jerk, I just -" 

"It's okay." I struggled to speak. "I really do love you, Taichi." 

"Oh Matt..." Tai opened his mouth to say what I'd waited so long to hear, to tell me that he loved me too, but the sudden crack of thunder jerked me awake. I was alone, it was dark, it was raining and it was cold. I shivered. 

"Where are you, Tai?" I whispered to the forest. But Tai was long gone. It had only been a few hours, not three days, but he was gone nonetheless. It hurt like nothing before, like someone had taken my heart right out of my chest and stamped it into the mud. A lightning flash illuminated the forest in black and white for a split second, then plunged me back into darkness, hiding my tear-streaked face from the world. But I wasn't crying anymore. I couldn't. The tears just wouldn't come. 

Lightning flashed again; ominous thunder rumbled. I wished Sora was there. I frowned - why in the hell would I want Sora? Just someone to talk to, someone who understood. I didn't care about being big tough Yamato and not needing anyone. I just wanted to die. 

"TAI!" I howled suddenly, grief burting from me in a torrent. "COME BACK! I NEED YOU!" There was no answer. I didn't expect one. Rain spattered against my upturned face, cleansing it and washing away the teartracks. Lightning froze my image staring skyward, arms outstretched with palms turned up, beseeching the world to give him back, to GIVE MY TAICHI BACK DAMMIT. 

The world didn't. 

I beat my fist helplessly against a tree, now consumed by rage and fear and pain. The rain beat down, the thunder and lightning shattered the sky and tore the landscape apart. My hair was plastered against my cheeks and my clothes were soaked through by the onslaught, the rain fell in fat droplets from my eyelashes, nose and chin. 

And still the world did not give me my Taichi back. 

I wrenched myself to my feet and staggered across to another tree. "STOPITT!" I screamed, this time at myself. "GET A GRIP!" 

It worked. I began to feel much calmer, and the rage drained out of me to be replaced with a resolute stillness. Takeru still needed me. It seemed a million years since I had last seen Takeru. I had been wrong, to go after Taichi and practically abandon my own otoutochan, but now I could put that right. If it wasn't already too late. I began to walk through the forest, a lone figure in the storm battling his way to rescue his younger brother. He was all I had left now. 

The sun was rising now, pinky-red light filtering through the green leaves to create a crimson and brown effect. But it was still cold. Faint heat fell on my cheek when I passed through sun-dappled patches. I wrapped my arms around me and hunched my shoulders over a bit for warmth. 

"Maaa-aaaatt! Yaaaa-maaaaa-tooooo!" 

I stopped short. It couldn't be. It wasn't. There was no way... 

"Matt... wait..." Patamon tumbled to the earth at my feet, de-digivolving to Tokomon as he fell. "Takeru's in trouble," he panted with his last remaining energy. "Kelimon's not a Digimon. She's a Magimon. She's... going to kill Takeru." 

"What?" I shook the little white creature as hard as I dared. "Tell me what happened!" 

"She's from another world, the Magiworld, created the some way as this one, back when humans used magic instead of computers. She wants... to... to take over all the di... mensions she can find. To open... a portal... she needs digital energy from the... crests. Lots of it. To release it all at once... she has to kill... the child. Starting... with Takeru." Tokomons eyelids fell shut. "We have to help him..." he whimpered, before passing out completely. 

Takeru. Takeru-chan. Oh my God Takeru is gonna die. 

"No," I said aloud, quite calmly, although I had never felt less calm in my life. "No, Takeru is not going to die. I won't let him. I don't care if Kelimon's a Digimon or a Magimon or a Spawn of Hell, she's not going to lay so much as a finger on my otoutochan. And that's final." I hefted Tokomon onto my shoulder and began walking with a sharp pace in the direction he had come from. "That's definitely final." Then it sunk in and my heart dropped into my boots and I started to run, pelting through the forest as though the hounds were after me. "TAKERU!!" I yelled. "WHERE ARE YOUUU?" 

I stopped, panting for breath, and cocked my head to listen. The forest was eerily silent. "TAAKEERUUUUU!!!" No reply. Tears of rage and frustration pricked my eyelids, and I blinked them back furiously. "Damn you, Tokomon, wake up! Tell me where to find him!" I shook the little white creature hard, but he just flopped over in my arms. "TOKOMON!! Curse you, beast, open your goddam eyes!" 

Deja vu slammed into the pit of my stomach, I could almost feel the slaps and hear Tai screaming: 

"MATT, DAMMIT, WAKE UP! DAMN YOU, ISHIDA, OPEN YOUR GODDAM EYES!" 

I snarled the memory into submission and concentrated on the task in hand. Why did every little thing remind me of Taichi? I just wanted to forget about him! "Tokomon! WAKE UP!" 

"Huh?" He turned over sleepily and cracked an eye open. "What?" 

"Tokomon, where is Takeru?" 

"She's got him again... he'll be back at the Glass Tower again by now. And it's my fault... I led her to him..." 

"What the heck are you on about?" He was drifting off again... "Tokomon! Where is this Glass Tower? Tell me!" 

"It's in the center of the forest, where the trees are thickest... Hurry, Matt..." 

I began to run again. 

* * * * * 

"This is HOPELESS!" I yelled. "Just as the trees seem to get thicker, they suddenly thin out again. How in the blue fuck am I supposed to know where the center of this stupid shithole forest is?" 

I wiped the back of my hand across my head and scowled down at the gently snoring Tokomon. Fat lot of good his instructions had been. And the more I searched, the uneasier I became. It wasn't just that I couldn't find this dumb Glass Tower, either... I just couldn't shake the feeling of being watched. I kept looking round to check but I couldn't see anybody. It was giving me the heebie-jeebies. 

"Stupid Tokomon," I muttered. "Stupid Kelimon. Stupid Forest. Stupid Digiworld. I wish I'd never gone to Summer Camp at all. I should've just stayed home and watched TV with a big bowl of -" 

*SNAP* went a twig. 

I spun round so fast I got my feet tangled round eachother, and I fell flat on my face in the dirt on top of Tokomon. A splash of blue streaked across the corner of my vision and was gone. By the time I scrambled to my feet, it was already hopeless to try and follow. Leaving Tokomon to snooze where he lay on the ground (the little bastard hadn't so much as raised a murmur at his unexpected tumble), I meandered over to where I had heard the noise, eyes trained on the ground. 

There it was. A gert thick dry twig, snapped clean in half. No wonder it made such a loud cracking noise. It hadn't been more than a few yards behind us. 

Somebody was following me. 

I glanced suspiciously at Tokomon. What if he wasn't really Tokomon? I mean sure, he was A Tokomon, but what if he wasn't THE Tokomon? How did I know the little twerp wasn't going to digivolve to Angemon on the spot and drag me kicking and screaming to Kelimon? 

Because he would have done it already. 

The simple and obvious reply calmed my nerves somewhat, and I scooped Tokomon back up and continued searching for the Glass Tower. I didn't have time to deal with my mystery stalker. Takeru was more important, WAY more improtant. Still, I kept a watch-out from the corner of my eye. Just in case. 

After that, my nerves were so highly strung it was impossible to tell whether the prickly being-watched feeling was real or imagined. I was constantly looking behind me, but there was never anybody there. Gooseflesh ran along the tops of my arms and all down my sides, meeting in the small of my back with a little shudder. 

Less and less light was filtering through the trees now, as they became more and more tightly knit. Glancing back over my shoulder, I still saw nothing but still felt uneasy. I turned around and walked on backwards, scanning the forest behind me. 

Sudden strong sunlight poured onto my back, making me jump with surprise. I whipped round and was forced to squint against the bright light reflecting from a huge tower of glass in the center of the clearing. 

The Glass Tower. I had found it. 

I backed hurriedly into the thick foliage again and peeped through the bushes, poking Tokomon gently. "We're here, Tokomon... Hey, Tokomon!" 

"Huh? Oh, you found it. Right. Umm..." 

"Well? Now what?" 

"I'm not exactly sure..." 

I snorted. "Well, that's a good start." 

Tokomon sat up and took a good look round for the first time. "Isn't Tai with you?" 

"No," I replied shortly, turning away. "He's not." 

"Why not? Didn't you escape together?" 

"Yeah... we, uh, got separated. By accident," I lied. Tokomon seemed to accept it. 

"Why don't I go look for him?" he suggested. "We need all the help we can get, after all." 

"No." 

Tokomon blinked. "Have you been fighting again? Because I really don't think that -" 

"I said NO!!" 

Tokomon quailed away from me and sniffed. "Okay," he squeaked in a tiny little voice. His eyes filed with tears. "I was just trying to help..." 

"Well don't," I snapped. I knew I was being really mean, but I didn't care. "Don't try to help and DON'T poke your nose into stuff that doesn't concern you." Of course, the notion that the well being of a DigiDestined human didn't concern a DigiDestined Digimon was absurd, but Tokomon didn't dare argue. He just nodded. 

"O-okay, Matt. I'm sorry." 

"Whatever." I scowled and studied the Glass Tower intently. "Suppose you tell me exactly what happened, Tokomon. Go on." 

Tokomon took a deep, shaky breath and began his story. 

* * * * * 

"GRRRAAAGH!" All seven in-training Digimon flinched as Myotismon paced up and down outside their cage, snarling furiosly. "Gone!" he spat. "All of them, gone! And *her*..." 

Yokomon and Tanemon exchanged glances, and Tokomon scooted a little further behind Tsunomon. Koromon stepped forward. 

"That's right!" he yelled fiercely. "Kelimon's working against you! Always has been! That's probably why she left so suddenly, she was frightened you might find her out. And she's taken the DigiDestined children with her too!" 

"QUIET!!" Myotismon roared. Tokomon whimpered. "I was going to give her those kids anyway..." 

"Why?" asked Motimon. 

"Yeah, why?" demanded everyone else. Myotismon scowled some more and turned away. 

"You don't have a reason, do you?" Bukamon said bravely. "You don't want to admit that she's controlling you." 

"RRRrrrrRRrrrrrrr... *CRIMSON LIGHTNING!*" Bukamon froze in terror as the red whiplash which would so easily crush an in-training Digimon snaked towards him with deadly speed. At the last minute, it flicked off to one side and smashed into the wall behind him, spraying tiny splinters of brickwork in all directions. Bukamon gasped in relief. 

"Nobody. Controls. Me." Myotismon turned his back on the Digimon and swept angrily out of the room, slamming the heavy iron-braced door behind him with terrifying ferocity. The Digimon looked at eachother. 

"I hope Sora's okay," said Yokomon sadly. 

~ * ~ 

"Tokomon..." 

Tokomon raised his head sharply. All the other Digimon were still asleep. "Who's there?" he whispered nervously. 

"Tokomon..." The lock on the door was shimmering gently. As Tokomon watched, it unlatched and the door swung open. The crest and digivice of Hope appeared in the open gateway. Tokomon gaped. 

"Tsunomon," he whispered. "Wake up, Tsunomon..." 

"No, Tokomon," the voice commanded. "Just you." 

"Just me?" Tokomon struggled with confusion. "But why?" 

"Tokomon! Matt! To-ko-mon!" Takeru's voice floated to Tokomon's ears from what seemed like a million miles away. "Where arrre youuuu?" 

"Takeru!" Tokomon scrambled to his feet and bolted for the door, grabbing the crest and digivice on the way. "I'm coming! Wait for me!" Even the outer door opened for him, the iron-studded one, and Tokomon pattered down the corridors as fast as his short legs could take him. It was the middle of the night, and nobody stopped him. He squeezed out of a grate amd found himself free. He looked around him, then went with his instincts and headed west. 

Tokomon trotted away and began his search for his partner, never once questioning the force that had set him free, or what intentions it might have. 

~ * ~ 

"Takeru!" 

"Tokomon!" 

They fell into eachother's arms, hugging and rolling over on the ground. "Tokomon, I found you!" Takeru cried happily. Tokomon dropped the crest and digivice into Takeru's hand and promptly digivolved to Patamon. Then he laughed and flapped up onto Takeru's helmet. Looking around, he frowned. 

"Where's everybody else?" he asked. 

Takeru sat down on the floor and began to cry. "Kelimon took us away in a carriage, and when I woke up Matt and Tai were gone!" he wailed. "I jumped out the back, because the doors were open, and I thought I could find them on my own, but now I'm lost and I don't know where anybody is... ohhh..." He burst into fresh sobs, and the orange Digimon patted his fringe comfortingly. 

"I'm sure we'll find them, Takeru -" 

"Or not." 

They both looked up and Patamon squeaked in surprise at Kelimon. "You really are a little fool," she snarled. "Led me right to him. Now all I need is to get his brother and that annoying leader." Takeru tried to run, but a whole army of blank-faced Kuwagamon surrounded them. Takeru gulped, then fixed his face resolutely. 

"I won't let you get away with this!" he cried, jumping up and fisting his hands. "We'll show you! Patamon, digivolve!" 

"Patamon, digivolve to... Angemon!" 

"Oh please," Kelimon sighed, slapping away a Hand of Fate with one light flick of the wrist. "Your puny digi-powers can't possibly hope to harm a fully evolved Magimon." 

"A what?" Takeru gave her a funny look. "What's a Magimon?" 

"A being from the Magiworld, of course," Kelimon laughed. Angemon stopped short. 

"The Magiworld is just a legend!" he rumbled. "It doesn't exist." 

"Oh, it does. And I'm going to prove it by enslaving every Digimon on this miserable world and taking them back there with me. And after that..." She smiled cruelly. "I'll start on the human world. Razor Shards!" 

She caught Angemon off guard, and he plummeted to the ground, de-digivolving back to Patamon. "Patamon, run!" Takeru squealed, as Kelimon dragged him up into the sky. "Find Matt! Find Tai! Get help, Patamon! Go!" 

Patamon hesitated, wanting to go with Takeru, but he decided that he had better do as Takeru suggested if he wanted to save him. The Kuwagamon came after him, but he flew into the forest nearby and lost them Then he began searching for hope for Takeru. 

* * * * * 

"...and then I found you," Tokomon finished sorrowfully. I sighed, and for a moment I caught myself wishing Tai was here to help me. I brushed the feeling off. Tai was a jerk and he'd only mess things up. 

"Tokomon, this is going to take everything we've got, and then some," I said, by way of a pep talk. "Are you ready?" 

"Sure, Matt! But... what are we going to do?" 

"What do you mean, you haven't FOUND them yet?" a familiar voice roared from nearby. I quailed behind my bush. Kelimon... and it sounded as though she was barely feet away. "I NEED those kids! I've worked out my plan, and to keep the portal going we need seven sacrifices, at regular intervals! How am I supposed to do that if I don't have seven kids?" 

"Of course, your most amazingness, we're trying our very best," a second voice groveled. 

"Try harder," Kelimon answered shortly. "For now, I'm going to sacrifice the first kid. The Child of Hope. You'd better not keep me waiting with the other two." 

"No, no, your excellence, of course not..." The groveler scurried away into the trees on the other side of the Tower. I peeked over my bush with my heart in my mouth. Takeru... 

Kelimon approached the Tower, and one side of it shimmered and vanished. She swept regally through and, grabbing Tokomon, I scurried in after her. I was practically right on her heels, but it was the only way to get in and I had to save Takeru. There was nobody left to do it but me. 

It was dark inside the Tower. I flattened myself against the wall until Kelimon had vanished around a corner, thanking my lucky stars she never looked back. Then I proceeded to follow her. 

Keepng to the shadows, ducking round corners, I somehow made it to our destination without any other Digimon seeing me. There weren't that many around to be truthful, but there were enough for it to be a miracle that I never got noticed. 

"Hello, kids," Kelimon purred. 

I stopped short, still clutching Tokomon tightly. I could hear raised voices, some angry, some upset. I picked out Mimi's high whine and Koushiro's steady, reasonable tone. I could hear Takeru sobbing. I wanted to go in and hug him so much it hurt, but I would condemn both of us to death by doing that. This had to be a discreet operation. 

"You, with the helmet. You're with me." 

"She's going to do it now!" Tokomon whispered in a panic. I wracked my brains. *Think, Ishida! There must be something you can do!* 

"There's no time," I hissed. "We have to get him out now! Can you digivolve?" 

"No," said Tokomon miserably, "I think she has Takeru's digivice." 

"Then we're gonna have to do this the old fashioned way," I said resolutely. Pressing myself into the shadows, I waited. I could hear Sora's voice rising above the ruckus. 

"Why don't you pick on someone your own size?" she cried angrily. There was a thud and a small cry, and the sound of a gate clanging shut. 

"Don't get in my way next time," said Kelimon harshly, sweeping out of the room and straight past me with Takeru. Seizing the element of surprise, I sprang from the shadows and grabbed him. 

"Matt!" he squealed. I tucked him under my arm and began to run, Tokomon grimly hanging onto my brother's leg. We were half way down the corridor before Kelimon even realised what had happened. 

"Razor Shards!" She missed us by a mile. I kept running. I could hear her yelling at the Digimon she commanded to stop us, but this was Takeru's only hope. If I didn't get him out now, he'd never get out alive. 

So many corners... each time I turned one, there were a hundred more. I could see no signs of an exit, and each breath rasped up and down my throat as I continued my frantic search. I could hear voices all around me, from every turning, closing in. I rounded a corner and bumped into something huge, and went sprawling on my back. 

"How *dare* you!" Kelimon was glaring down at me from beside an enormously fat pink Digimon. "Cretinmon, take the brat back to the keep," she ordered coldly. 

"Takeru!" I grabbed for him, but Kelimon dragged me back by my collar and I fell at her feet, choking for breath. Takeru was taken kicking and howling away. 

"Your bravery amuses me," Kelimon said, tapping her foot. "I'm not going to sacrifice your brother first, you troublemaking little runt. I'm going to sacrifice *you*. Get up off the floor," she commanded. "Or I might just change my mind." 

I stumbled up and followed her down the corridor. I was too out of breath to try and run, and besides, Kelimon's steely grip on my ear somewhat discouraged the idea. She threw me through a grand set of double doors, and tied me to a post in the center of the room. My heart thudded painfully as she blew on her fingertips, smiling coldly at me the whole time. "Let's see," she murmured. "How much can we make this hurt?" Standing back, she took one of seven plain pearly orbs from the shelf. "This," she said, tapping it, "is going to absorb all your digital energy when you die. I made it myself," she added proudly. "Too bad you won't get to see it in action." 

I closed my eyes and breathed very slowly. I was at least going to die with dignity. 

Takeru... 

His face floated behind my eyelids, accompanied by a flood of tears that I determinedly kept at bay. Kelimon wasn't getting the damn satisfaction. 

Tai... 

I refused to think about Tai. 

"Any last words?" 

"Go to hell," I growled through clenched teeth. I didn't trust myself to say anything more without bursting into tears. 

Kelimon laughed. "I admire your spirit. To bad I'm about to crush it. Permanently." 

I drew an uncontrollably shaky breath. Goodbye, Takeru... Sorry I couldn't protect you. I'll always love you... 

"Razors Shards!" 

"LEAVE HIM ALONE!" 

One shard scraped past my cheek as the main swarm rushed past to imbed itself into the wall behind me. I flicked my eyes open just in time to see a shape hurtle into Kelimon, sending her sprawling across the room and into the wall. I heard the solid *thump* of a fist connecting solidly with someone's face. Kelimon slumped into the corner and lay still. My rescuer climbed back to his feet, nursing his hand. 

"Should have done that a long time ago," he said, looking at the floor. "Much easier than mucking about with Digivolutions and stuff." 

I could only gape. 

"Hi, Yamato," Taichi said softly. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

It's finished! Finally! *dances* I'm really sorry to all who were waiting for ages. Especially Meg-sama (glomps), Imouto-chan (huggles), Lexx (give my love to Cunomon) and Sarah-chan (love & rhubarb!). Also many thanks to all those who have emailed me and poked me to write more. This wouldn't be finished now if it wasn't for youuuu! - Ti x


	11. Moment of Truth

* * *

*Disclaimer* - I don't own the characters, never have done, never will do. Sueing me will earn you all of $5.36 and if you're really that desperate for cash then you can start saving money by getting the hell off the internet. Unless you have a completely free server of course. In which case I envy you greatly. Anyway, on with the fic... 

****

A Love Born of Hate (Part Eleven)

Moment of Truth

I didn't know what to say. I didn't know whether to thank him for saving me, or to scream at him for being such a bastard as to run off in the first place. He just stood there looking unsure of himself, waiting to see what I would say. His eyes met mine briefly, and then we both looked away. I think I flushed.

"Is Takeru all right?" I asked finally. Taichi shrugged.

"I haven't seen him," he replied. He licked his lips nervously. "Look, Matt… We've got some stuff we need to talk about." The floor seemed to be interesting him greatly, suddenly. "But not here and not now. So maybe we should just…" His voice trailed off.

"Set our differences aside?" I suggested coldly. I wasn't about to forgive him for what he'd put me through that easily. "Sure, Taichi, I just won't dwell on the fact that you see me as a sick perverted freak for a bit. That ought to be easy." Bitter sarcasm oozed from my words like a poisonous honey. Tai winced.

"I'm not asking you to be nice to me, but we need to co-operate," he pressed. "And we need to get out of here before Kelimon comes round… Here, I'll untie you." He moved swiftly round behind me and began picking deftly at the knots which bound me to my post. "See, I've been thinking –"

"Makes a pleasant change," I interrupted bluntly. So what if I was being catty? He deserved it. I cried out in sudden pain as he wrenched the rope from my wrists, then spun me ruthlessly around to face him.

"I'm *sorry*, okay!?" he burst out. His earnest gaze met my startled one, and I felt uncomfortable but didn't look away. "It sounds lame, but I swear to God it's true. I –"

"Whatever." I turned away then – his excuses hurt too much. "Let's just get the others and get out of here."

Taichi sighed in a defeated way behind me. "Right. Do you know where they are?"

"…Uh… yes…" I replied distractedly. Something had caught my eye on the shelf opposite. Something round and pale. Seven round and pale somethings.

//This is going to absorb all your digital energy when you die.//

With a cry of triumph, I snatched one up and threw it to the stone floor as hard as I could. It shattered from the inside out, like a supernova star. Taichi gaped. "Matt! We have to be quiet, stupid!" he hissed. Ignoring him, I grabbed another from the shelf and aimed it at the wall. If Kelimon didn't have her orbs, she couldn't create her portal – and that meant that none of the DigiDestined's deaths could be of any use! The second sphere made an extremely satisfying SMASH sound as it hit the wall and blew up.

"No! Don't touch them!"

Kelimon staggered to her feet in the corner and made a beeline for me, eyes glittering savagely. "You've destroyed them!" she shrieked. "They take *months* to grow, and I can't get into the human world without all seven – you little brat!" She lunged for me, howling like a cat, and I scrambled out of the way just shy of fast enough. Her fingers closed around the hem of my top and she yanked me back. Caught off balance, I threw out a hand to steady myself, and it lashed against the shelf. Four more orbs toppled to the floor and exploded in showers of glass. I went down hard amid the pearly slivers and felt them crunch underneath me, digging sharply into my skin. One unprotected arm was gashed wide open, and the other suffered a thousand tiny pieces of glass sticking out of it. Blood ran freely from the more badly injured left arm. I could hear Kelimon screaming in anguish.

"Matt!" Tai grabbed me under the arms and hauled me up. I staggered back against him briefly before finding my own feet, trying to ignore the feel of his steadying hands on my waist. There was still one orb on the shelf. I didn't know how Kelimon "grew" her orbs, but I wasn't willing to risk that she might plant this one and have a bushload more by the next time we met. I had to destroy all of them. I lunged forward.

"Razor Shards!"

"Shit!" I ducked, and they flew over my head. Taichi grabbed my right arm and I hissed in pain.

"Matt!" he yelled. "Come on!" He started tugging me towards the door, but I resisted. I wished I had the breath to explain to him, but I didn't, and the burning in my arms was getting worse, and everything was so jumbled up inside my panicking head I couldn't form the words. But I *had* to smash that orb! Couldn't he see it was important? I mentally cursed him for being so thick as he pushed me towards the door. The ordeal of hiking for hours through treacherous forest, nearly getting myself killed and then losing about a gallon of blood was taking its toll, and I was pretty ashamed to discover there wasn't much fight left in me. I gave up and let Tai drag me out of the room. Kelimon, hysterically bemoaning the loss of her precious orbs, was as yet making no move to prevent our getaway.

Still tightly gripping my arm, Tai led me down the corridor and round a corner in a kind of half-run. I wasn't feeling particularly steady on my feet and I was suddenly exhausted beyond belief, but it seemed like so much of an effort to argue with him, so I let him tug me onwards. The walls kept tilting at odd angles and I was only semi-aware of what he was saying. "Damn idiot thing to do!" he was berating me. "Could have got yourself killed, could have got me killed, look at your arm, dammit, you're hurt. Thought I was supposed to be the impulsive moron, you're meant to be the one who thinks before he acts, not goes rushing into danger like some kind of…"

He was talking so fast, and the words all bled together to make a continuous stream that washed over me. Not much of it went in. Two more corners, three, four. And then the world suddenly skewed off to one side so sharply that I fell against the wall. Dizziness attacked me from all directions. My knees felt weak.

"Matt?" Tai was by my side in an instant. "Are you okay?"

I nodded, and the dizziness got worse. One of my knees gave out and I lurched into Taichi. For one horrible instant I could strongly taste vomit in the back of my throat, and I was filled with the certainty that I was about to throw up, but then it passed. Tai slid me to the floor and I sat with my head between my knees, gasping for breath. Slowly but surely, the dizzy feeling began to recede. I felt a hesitant hand on my shoulder.

"What's the matter?" Tai asked gently. I shrugged his hand off. I didn't need his sympathy. He chose the wrong time to start giving a damn about me.

He fell silent after that. I started to feel guilty for being so harsh, and wondered if I'd hurt him, but then I stamped savagely down on that train of thought before I started caring too much. I took deep breaths for a couple more minutes and then, feeling much better, I stood. My arm wasn't bleeding as much anymore, but faint dizziness still haunted me as I rose. I ignored it. "I'm ready," I told Tai, not looking at him. "Let's go."

"Right." His voice sounded weird. I risked a glance at him, but he had already turned his back to me, fists clenched. "Where are the others?"

"I'm not sure, from here." Taichi nodded, and started walking. I followed behind, at first in silence, but then curiosity and worry for Takeru got the better of me. "Where are we going?"

"Looking," he replied roughly, without turning around. I glared at his unresponsive back. What the hell was *his* problem?

"You should have let me smash that orb," I told him haughtily. "It was more important than you know." He didn't reply, so I continued relentlessly. "Seven orbs for seven DigiDestined kids, Taichi. She was going to use them to absorb our digital energy after she'd killed us, and make a portal to the real world. I could have stopped her."

"She said she needed seven. You destroyed six. It was enough." Tai's voice was positively hoarse now. I wrestled with wanting to ask him if he was all right. I didn't care, dammit!… But I did. Too much. It hurt.

"*NII-CHAN!!!*"

Both Taichi and I stopped dead. "Takeru…" I breathed. I pushed past Tai and sprinted ahead, not caring whether or not he was following. I wanted to call out to my brother, I wanted to so badly, I wanted to let him know that I was coming for him and that he'd be okay, but I knew that if I gave myself away then I'd lose any chance I had of rescuing him. I chose left at the first corner… right at the second… I hoped blindly that I was going in the right direction. And then, suddenly,

*I remember this.*

And I did. I remembered scurrying after Kelimon, Tokomon under one arm, as she led me towards the place where she was keeping the rest of the DigiDestined. I remembered another right turn, then two more lefts. And then:

"Matt? Matt! Tai!" Sora leapt to her feet, and Jyou, Koushiro and Mimi yelled in delight and sprang up behind her. An iron gate stood between us and them, with no guard or key in sight. Tokomon was being looked after by Jyou.

"Where's Takeru?" I demanded frantically, just as Tai asked "Are you guys all right?"

"We're fine," Koushiro answered quickly, "but Takeru was removed by Kelimon just a few moments ago. She was talking about a last orb - it having enough power to at least get her back home. However, I fail to understand how this relates to Takeru." He frowned in a puzzled way. Tai was looking at me with eyes like saucers.

"The last orb… Matt…"

I didn't waste time or breath on words. I turned my back on the lot of them and bolted on up the corridor as fast as I could. Tai rattled off a garbled promise to the others to return and get them out, and then I could hear his feet slapping rapidly on the floor in my wake. My pulse was pounding inside my head as I ran. I should have got to that last orb. I should have done it no matter what, even if it meant being seriously hurt or even killed. If Takeru died now, it would be my fault. *My fault*. I skidded to a halt as I came upon another junction. I hated the maze-likeness of this infernal place.

"Which way?" I muttered. "God, which way!?"

Tai drew up beside me, panting for breath. "You go left, I'll take the right," he wheezed. Indecision wracked me, but I knew there was no other choice. Not even pausing to nod at Tai, I set off down the left path at a run, my footsteps' echoes ricocheting off the walls at me like gunshots.

The corridor seemed to stretch on for ever. It curved gently to the right from time to time, and I was struck again by the impossibility of such vast and endless hallways in a place that looked so small from the outside. I scowled savagely, and bitterly demanded of myself why it was always Takeru that got into these scrapes. Why couldn't it have been one of the others, for crying out loud? Anyone but my otouto-chan…

I stopped dead. I was suddenly facing a glittering crystal spiral staircase. I licked my lips nervously. What if they hadn't even come in this direction? What if I was going entirely the wrong way? I closed my eyes for a moment, and imagined that Tai was with me. I didn't care how mad I was at him. Impossible obstacles always seemed easier to overcome when we were together. And now… He had apologised, and I had thrown it back in his face. What if he never wanted to speak to me again? What if -

My wild ruminations were interrupted by a short shrill scream above me - short because it was suddenly cut off. My heart leapt into my throat and I threw myself at the stairs, taking them two or three at a time. Being somewhat lanky has its advantages. In my mind, Taichi was right behind me. I felt braver that way. In ten seconds flat I had reached the top and burst through the silver archway into the circular room beyond. The sight before me was permanently emblazoned upon my memory with just one look.

The room was dim. The only light came from the pearly orb that Kelimon was holding; and from a round pit in the centre, maybe some twenty feet across, from which a dull, hot red glow was pulsing. And suspended above this pit, jerking and whimpering on the end of a rope, was Takeru.

"Matt!" he cried when he saw me. It broke my heart to see how his little face lit up at my entrance - he was so sure I could save him. But how could I defeat Kelimon on my own? One simple attack would send me tumbling straight into that fiery pit, head over heels. I was rooted to the spot in panic. "Onii, help me!"

"Takeru…" I couldn't reach him. Tall as I am, it was too high up. From the light of her orb I could see Kelimon smiling at me in an evil and twisted sort of way.

"The game's not over yet, Child of Friendship," she hissed. "Seven orbs to make a new portal, yes, but only one to re-open an old one. I'll simply return to the Magiworld and grow new orbs… and when I return, I will crush you like insects. I think I shall especially enjoy watching you die. You have eluded me once too often."

I pounced on the flaw in her logic. "But if you use Takeru's digital energy to return to the Magiworld, there will only be six of us when you return!" I yelled defiantly. "You still won't be able to get into the human world - you can't use Digimon. If you could, you would have already!"

Kelimon's smirk widened. "You forget about the Eighth Child," she said. I blinked.

"Eighth… child?" Since when were there eight of us? This had to be a trick. Kelimon laughed nastily.

"It's of no matter, you'll learn soon enough. Ask Myotismon. He quite obligingly told me all about it. Razor Shards!" Her ice attack flew at the rope binding Takeru, cutting it almost through. He screamed as he jerked sharply downwards and then began to slowly spin, the remaining fibres of rope pinging apart one by one.

"Matt!"

"'Touto!" I ran towards him, skidding towards the pit and stopping just in time. My toes stuck out over the edge. Searing heat assaulted my face. I looked down, and swirling red energy roared hungrily below.

"Welcome to my portal room!" Kelimon yelled above Takeru's terrified screams. "When your *dear* little brother - he is a sweetie, isn't he? - hits that fire energy and *diessss*…" She drew it out into a long hiss. "…The orb will suck up all his digital energy. Then all I have to do is throw the orb into the pit, and the portal will appear below! Isn't it ingenious?"

"Let my brother go!" I screamed furiously, fists balled, tears sticking to my eyelashes. "Let him go, you bitch!"

"Or what?" she asked lazily, one eyebrow arched. She flicked the orb from hand to hand. "You'll bite my ankles?"

Helplessness consumed me. Above, Takeru choked on a sobbing gasp as he jerked still lower. I stretched desperately towards him, but he was too far out and too high up. I teetered on the edge, trying to reach him, but he remained elusively just beyond my fingertips. And then my feet slipped, my balance shattered, and I was falling. I yelled, twisted and caught the lip of the pit with my fingers. My torn and bleeding arms screamed in protest at the sudden strain, and my grip weakened. I slid down several feet before my sore, scratched fingers found a outjut to grab, and I hung grimly on.

Then, I heard a snap, and Takeru plummeted screaming down behind me.

"NO!" But it wasn't just me who had cried out. In the next instant, Kelimon zoomed down after the tumbling Takeru, wings flat against her back, arms outstretched. Had someone pushed her? Tai? Oh God, Takeru… My arms felt weak. I didn't have the strength, either of body or mind, to hold on much longer. I could still hear otouto-chan's shrieks as he fell away from me. Tears dribbled down my face as I waited for the agonising instant in which they would be muted. I couldn't look.

A gasp. Silence. I sobbed wretchedly into the wall, my entire body wracking, fingers slipping. I didn't care if I died. I had let Kelimon kill Takeru - I didn't deserve to live.

"Onii-chan!"

"He's dead, you little idiot!"

My head snapped up and I twisted to look behind me, digging my fingers in hard. Rising out of the pit, apparently unharmed, came Kelimon, her back to me. Peering anxiously at me over her shoulder was Takeru. My mouth fell open, and it suddenly made sense. Kelimon hadn't seen me! She thought I had fallen right down and been killed, and so she caught Takeru in order to have seven children left to get into the human world with - including the Eighth Child, whoever he was. Relief washed over me, making me weak. *Don't give me away, Takeru,* I pleaded silently. *Please don't give me away.*

Takeru stared a moment more and opened his mouth. I shook my head frantically at him. He hesitated, then started beating on Kelimon's chest with his little fists.

"YOU KILLED MY ONII! WANT MY ONII!" He burst into an impressive bout of hysterical wails.

"Oh, put a sock in it," Kelimon snapped irritably, dumping him onto the solid ground above. I looked up for another ledge to grab onto, to try and claw my way up, but there was nothing. The inferno below was sticking my top to my back with sweat, and my hair was wilting into my eyes. I began to feel desperate. I looked down, and the vast greedy red power mesmerised me. I was too terrified to look away.

"Hmm… that's odd." I could hear Kelimon's frown in her voice, and the sound of fingernails tapping on glass. "The orb should be glowing. Why hasn't it collected his energy?" She sounded slightly frantic. I prayed that she wouldn't come and find me. It was in vain. I could hear her footsteps clicking closer…

"Hey, Kelimon!" Takeru yelled suddenly. "Come and get me! I'm running away!"

"Blue stun!" There was a thud as something - or someone - hit the floor. I winced. As least now he wouldn't have to watch if… if…

"Takeru!" cried a familiar voice.

"*You!*" Kelimon snarled.

"Where's Matt?" Tai demanded fiercely. I gave a silent cheer. Good old Tai! This was the second time he'd come to my rescue in under half an hour. But… I craned my neck up desperately. How would he reach me? I had slipped too far down…

"You're too late," Kelimon told him in a cold, hard voice. "I already killed him."

There was a shocked silence. It lasted for several moments. Then, "I don't believe you," Taichi whispered. "I'd know if he was dead. I'd - I'd just *know*."

"Well, you know now," said Kelimon harshly. "He's dead. I threw him in the pit. His miserable little life has come to an unfortunate but necessary end. Get over it. Dammit, why won't this orb work…?"

There was another thud sound, which I took to mean that Taichi had slumped to his knees. The unmistakable sound of a sob being wrenched out of a person by force came to my ears. Taichi was crying… for me? I struggled for a better grip, but my fingers were too sweaty. I dug the toes of my shoes into the wall to try and help. Perspiration ran in rivulets down the side of my face. If Kelimon found me now, she might not cast me down. She might throw Takeru into the pit, or Taichi. I couldn't let that happen. I'd rather be killed.

"He's my best friend," Tai said, in the same hoarse voice he'd used earlier. Had he been crying then, too? I'd made him cry. God, I felt so guilty in that moment. "You can't… you can't just kill a guy's best friend, just…" He broke down sobbing again. *I'm alive, Taichi!* I wanted to scream at him. I wanted to tell him that I was okay. But that would have spelt death for any one of us. I closed my eyes, and tears leaked from underneath them. It really didn't seem to matter so much anymore, me crying. In fact, it seemed pretty insignificant.

"I never told him!" Taichi choked. "I j-just ran away from him, and now… now…" He gasped for breath. "This is all my fault! If I hadn't been such a bastard to him, this w-wouldn't have happened!"

"Will you SHUT UP!" Kelimon yelled suddenly. "I'm trying to concentrate here!" Tai regressed back to sobs. "Come on… Glow… Glow! Did I grow it right? I know I did. I performed *countless* trial runs." She was outright panicking now, I could hear it in her voice. "WHY. ISN'T. IT. WORKING!?"

Tai had stopped crying. I wished I could see what he was doing. Kelimon was still muttering frantically to herself - and then suddenly, she screamed. It was a shrill and unending scream of pure pain. I tensed myself against the wall, breathing raggedly. I heard Taichi yell something about burning in hell, and then Kelimon toppled past me, screeching at the top of her lungs. Blood spattered my back as she fell. I panicked. *She's going to see me the minute she starts flying back up!* I thought hysterically. But… she wasn't flying. A moment later, a single fine dragonfly wing fluttered past me, leaking blood. It scorched to black and fell apart in the roasting air even before Kelimon's screams were cut short. I stared down. She had vanished. Was she… dead?

"Matt…" Tai's whimpering brought me back to my senses. If I stayed here any longer, I was going to fall. My feet kept slipping out of their little niche, and my fingers were aching with the effort of maintaining their grip. Everything ached. I had run out of adrenaline, and I just wanted to be safe again.

"Tai." It came out as a tiny dry squeak. I barely heard it myself. I swallowed painfully, several times, My throat was dry as a bone. "Tai!"

Sudden silence above. Had he heard me? I tried again. "Tai! Taichi!"

A scuffling noise. Taichi's face appeared above me, eyes red and swollen. His lips parted in disbelief. "M-Matt?" he stammered.

"Yeah!" I was still crying, I couldn't help it. "Get me out of here!"

"Christ…" He looked around for something to throw down to me, but evidently couldn't find anything. "Hang on!" he called. "Don't let go!"

Yeah right, 'cause I'm gonna be doing *that* of my own free will, I thought sarcastically. He stretched an arm down, but it barely covered half the distance between us. He got this weirdly resolute look on his face. "I'm coming down to get you!"

"What!?" I couldn't believe what an idiot he was being! "Don't be such a pillock." His only response was to swing his legs over the edge. "Tai! Moron alert!"

"I don't care," he said through gritted teeth, lowering himself down a little. He scrabbled for a foothold, found one, and gingerly put his weight on it. It broke away and he was left kicking over air.

"Kamiya Taichi, you climb back up *this instant*!" I yelled at him.

"You sound like my mom," he huffed, testing out another smaller ledge. This one held. "Hot, ain't it?"

"Tai, please," I begged. "Even if you get down here, what good will it do? You can't carry me up!"

He hesitated then; looked down, and then up. Who knows, his brain may even have started working. "I'm not gonna let you die!" he yelled suddenly.

"Then stop acting like a damn fool and do something useful!" I yelled back. He looked at me, then shook his head fiercely and stuck out a hand.

"Grab on!"

"TAI!"

"Do it!"

I gauged the distance between his hand and mine. I might actually make it. But what if I pulled him down with me? "You'll fall!" I shouted at him. "I won't do it!"

"Then I'm coming down," he answered stubbornly. I wanted to scream at him. I looked above again, searching desperately for something to grab onto so I could climb up, but there was just nothing there. One of my feet slipped. My weight jerked onto my hands, my hands gave way, and I flung one arm up instinctively to try and grab something, anything…

Tai's hand clamped around my wrist, and I dangled, gasping. "Cling onto the wall!" he shouted. "I can't hold you for long!" I obeyed, digging my protesting fingers into a slim crack in the rock. My feet found a purchase, too. There was another little ledge above me. "Climb up," Taichi ordered. I didn't move. I couldn't. I'd fall, I knew it. I was paralysed with fear.

"Dammit, Matt, climb!"

Perhaps I still had some energy left after all - or maybe it was that climbing up seemed relaxing compared to arguing with Tai - but either way, I lunged up with my right arm and clung onto the ledge above. "And again!" barked Tai. I did as I was told, scrambling up with my feet and snatching out with my hand. Tai started climbing, too, pulling me on and shouting at me to keep going when I stopped. It seemed an eternity before Tai was able to haul himself back over the edge to safety. It still seemed so far away to me. The heat and exhaustion were making me faint, and if I had to drag myself one inch further I was going to pass out. Another hand grabbed my wrist. I looked up, and Tai had both hands wrapped tightly around my arm, whilst Takeru (when had he regained consciousness?) held onto Tai's ankles for dear life to stop him slipping. Slowly but surely, me kicking against the wall with my feet and Taichi and Takeru pulling with superhuman effort, I slid over the edge of the pit and collapsed bonelessly onto the floor, eyes closed, gasping.

"Onii? Onii! Onii-chan!"

"He's all right, Takeru." I could feel a hand stroking my hair. "Here, take this key and go let the others out. You remember the way?"

I presume Takeru must have nodded. "But where's Kelimon?" he wailed worriedly.

"She's gone now. She fell into the pit. You don't have anything to worry about - go on, Tokomon's waiting for you."

Little arms clutched tight around my chest. "I'll be back in a minute, Matt," Takeru promised, and then scuttled off down the stairs. "I'm coming, Tokomon!"

Opening my eyes seemed like too much effort. So I led there, breathing in gulps, and let Tai stroke my hair. It felt nice. There was companionable quiet for a while, and then Tai asked, "Are you all right?"

I started to nod automatically, then sighed and shook my head. I opened my eyes then, and smiled at Tai, albeit somewhat wonkily. "I will be, though," I promised him.

I've never believed in all that romance-novel crap about two people 'feeling a spark of electricity pass between them' when they look at each other, or a person instinctively knowing what somebody else is thinking, just because they love them. And it wasn't like that. It was just that, for no reason at all, we suddenly understood each other, and we both knew what the other needed. I shoved myself roughly into a sitting position and flung myself at Taichi, and we wrapped our arms around each other, chests pressed close, Tai's hair tickling my nose. And God I could have thrown myself back into that pit right then and there, if only I could have died feeling like this.

"I thought you were dead," said Tai in a trembly voice. "She said… and I thought…"

"It doesn't matter," I told him, hugging him tighter. "I'm all right. You're all right. I've got you, you're safe." I blushed - did I really say that?

"I'm sorry." I felt a wetness trickle onto my ear as Tai whispered the words. "That I ran off. I was so stupid - don't be mad at me, please. I hate it when you're mad at me."

I shook my head. "I'm not mad at you, not anymore. It's just, I thought you hated me…" I swallowed. "That hurt." A painful admission.

A hand brushed my cheek. "I don't hate you, Matt," Tai said thickly. I smiled.

"I know," I whispered. I could feel him nodding slowly. He pulled back, hesitating a little, and we looked at each other. A split second before he did it, I knew what he was going to do. I closed my eyes as he leaned forward…

He did it. He kissed me, so softly I could hardly feel it at first, and I melted in his arms. God knows if I was kissing back or not. There was no heavenly music, no fireworks or flashing lights. Like I said, that's romance-novel crap. Any of that rubbish would have just been distracting - it was wonderful for what it was. And I didn't want him to stop, ever. It was perfect.

"…Onii-chan!!?"

* * * * * * * * * *

I can't believe I wrote that. Dear God. That was pure Mills & Boon trash… only not, for obvious reasons. *hides her face* Err… blame it on my muse? ^_^;;; See you at Part Twelve XD :-P -Kae Ti xx


	12. Ice Melts

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*Disclaimer* - I don't own the characters, never have done, never will do. Sueing me will earn you all of $5.36 and if you're really that desperate for cash then you can start saving money by getting the hell off the internet. Unless you have a completely free server of course. In which case I envy you greatly. Anyway, on with the fic... 

Author's Note: This last installment of ALBoH is dedicated to you, the reviewers! Because you guys ROOL and you didn't give up on me when I didn't post anything for about a year, which is a level of faithfulness I frankly don't deserve. Special thanks go to Yama-Chan_Luvvah, whose inspirational review of Ch11 hauled me off my ass and back into the writing seat, and to Uni, whose email reminded me to hurry up and finish this part off. It may not have seemed like it much but all your reviews and emails have really motivated me (sometimes just by making me feel so guilty for not having written any more!) so, without further ado, this one's for you guys!

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A Love Born of Hate (Part Twelve)

Ice Melts

Takeru…

I froze at the sound of my brother's voice, and felt Tai do the same. The next five minutes ran through my head before I'd even lived them, in less than a second. Tai would push me away. He'd spit on the floor and call me a sick freak again. Then he'd shout at me, saying that he never wanted to speak to me again, and storm out. And that would be the end of it.

My panicked reverie was broken as Tai's forehead clunked onto my shoulder. "Crap," he muttered. "Yama, look."

I looked. I winced. Takeru was staring at us, eyes wide, a completely bewildered expression on his little round face. But he wasn't all. Sora stood just behind him, a hand on his shoulder, the corners of her lips twitching as she tried to fight a smile. The smile won. Jyou's jaw was somwhere in the region of the floor. Mimi was blushing and stifling giggles behind her hand, and Koushiro, for once, looked completely blank.

"What's the matter, Takeru?" Tokomon piped up. Everyone turned their gaze to look at him, and he blinked. "What? What is it?"

"Oh, it's so romantic!" Mimi gushed suddenly. "I mean, rescued from the evil sorceress in the nick of time, you could have both died! And then…" She sighed happily, clasping her hands together, not able to resist another giggle. "You two are *so cute* together!"

Tai's head had risen slowly to stare at her in disbelief. I made a noise in the back of my throat that sounded somewhat akin to gargling.

Jyou had finally shut his mouth, but still looked a tad vacant. "Why am I always the last one to find out about these things?" he asked of nobody in particular.

"Oh, I didn't know either," Mimi replied with a shrug. "But *look* at them! Whosacutie? Whoscutiesden?"

"All right, Mimi, calm down," Sora said, barely keeping from giggling herself at the interesting shade of purple I had turned. I don't appreciate being spoken to like some kind of kitten, dammit. When Tai stood up, I uncertainly did the same.

"Look, guys," Tai began awkwardly. Sora cut him off.

"It's okay, Tai. Really. We're all okay with it, right, guys?"

Mimi nodded vigorously (in my opinion, she was a little *too* okay with it) and, after a moment, so did Jyou, although he seemed a bit dubious. There was a moment's silence. "Koushiro?" Sora prompted him quietly. I swallowed. I liked Koushiro, for all his odd little ways and frankly weird attachment to his laptop. And the way he was looking at me was scaring me.

"So… you two are together, right?" he clarified, with some difficulty. I panicked, and looked at Tai. Were we? I didn't know. There was a long pause.

"Yeah," Tai eventually answered him, a little defensively, ears burning. "Yeah, we are, I guess." I felt his fingers touch mine, and I squeezed his hand. We shared a quick, embarassed smile. I could see what an effort it was for poor Mimi to restrain herself from leaping around the room, just squealing from the cutsieness of it all.

"Well, congratulations!" Sora said warmly, stepping forward and giving us both a quick hug at the same time. I felt kind of uncomfortable, but I owed her, so I didn't complain.

Koushiro picked his words carefully. "Perhaps we should direct our attention to more pressing matters…?" he suggested delicately. Without meeting his eye, I murmured an assent. The room had gone somewhat quiet - he had been unable to keep quite all of the hostility out of his voice. I felt dirty suddenly, and ashamed. At least only one of them was getting weird about it, I mean it could have been worse I guess…

"Orb," said Tai suddenly, probably more to break the awkward silence than anything. We were all reunited, and he was back in leader mode. He strode over to the last orb, which Kelimon had presumably dropped. "Let's smash it, ne?"

"I don't understand about all this orb stuff," said Sora, and the others agreed. So Tai launched into a long explanation about how Kelimon had been using them to collect digital energy and make portals. Tugging on my leg alerted me to Takeru's presence, innocent blue eyes gazing up at me.

"I don't get it," he whispered.

"Well you see," I said, quietly so I wouldn't drown Tai out, "Kelimon came from another world called the Magiworld, and -"

"No, no." Takeru shook his head. "Not that. I mean, about you and Tai."

"Oh." I arranged myself cross-legged on the floor, and pulled Takeru into my lap. He snuggled happily against me. "It's like this," I began. "Remember how you once asked me why I pretended I didn't like Tai?" He nodded. "Well, it was because I like him… a lot. More than as a friend." I paused. Takeru looked noneplussed. I sighed. "I love him, otouto."

Faint light was dawning. "Like Mommy and Daddy used to?"

I winced. "Yeah, like that."

"But he's a boy!" my little brother squeaked, a little louder than was necessary. Sora looked round briefly. Glancing up, I could see the tips of Taichi's ears had gone pink, and he stumbled over his explanations. Koushiro, I noted, stared solidly at the wall.

"I *know* that." I sweatdropped. "It's not… something I *chose*, Takeru. It's not something I can explain. It just is. I can't help it."

Takeru regarded me seriously. "Does he love you back?"

"I think he does, yeah." I nodded slowly, smiling. Takeru threw his arms around my neck.

"I love you, too, oniichan," he said in a muffled voice.

I hugged him back. "And I love you, otoutochan." Mimi was squeaking again, and trying to pretend that she wasn't. Note to self: throttle Mimi.

"I just *went* for her," Tai was saying. "I grabbed the first thing I could get a hold on and pulled as hard as I could, and her wing… just came right off in my hand." Everyone's eyes were riveted unswervingly upon him as he told his tale. "I didn't expect them to be that flimsy. She started screaming blue murder and I staggered back, but then I remembered that she'd killed -" He stopped, and went pink again. "Anyhow, I slammed into her with everything I had, and she sailed clear into the pit. She couldn't fly, and she fell right down into the energy furnace thing. She's dead."

Various 'Ooh's and 'Ahh's accompanied the end of Tai's story. "We should definitely destroy the orb," Jyou agreed. "What if somebody else figures out how to use it?"

"Don't." Mimi shuddered. "I don't think I could go through an ordeal like that all over again."

"Stand back, then," Tai warned. He curled in on himself and then let the orb fly like a baseball, straight into the wall. It exploded with a deafening smash. Takeru clamped his hand over his ears. And as the last slivers rained to the floor and lay still, the Tower began to disintegrate. The walls around us, the ceiling above, the floor we were standing on, everything started to dissolve into a giant whirl of pink, blue and silver colour, slowly at first, and then faster and faster until we slid helplessly through the rapidly disappearing floor and began freefalling. Mimi was screaming; Takeru was gripping my leg so hard I thought it might come off. All I could see was the swirling colour. I panicked - where was Tai?

I hit something solid with a thump, the breath knocked out of me. The pandemonium that the world had broken into showed no signs of easing up. Mimi had given up on screaming and was calling out to Sora, but her voice sounded faint, as though the interference was muffling it somehow. "Tai!" I yelled. "Tai, are you all right? Where are you?" I paused. "Tai!"

"I'm over here!" His voice, too, was barely audible. "I'm okay, Yama!" Yama - I smiled. It was an odd way to shorten my name, and yet I liked it.

Takeru had let go of my leg and was now clinging to my arm. I could hear him whimpering. I grabbed him under the arms and heaved him up onto my waist, and then I could just about make out his face. Tai was calling out something about everybody staying still, so I stood where I was and tried to peer through the swirling fuzz - it was starting to make me feel a little ill.

It didn't stop all at once. It began to fade away only to return in fits and starts, like a vengeful wind. Eventually, though, I could make out Jyou standing a few paces away from me, and I trudged over to him and nudged his elbow. The relief on his face when he saw us was enormous. _I was starting to panic!_ he mouthed. Why was I not surprised?

Soon we could make out Sora and Mimi, and they made their way over to us. The swirling whatever-it-was was fast on the wane by then, and shortly afterwards Takeru spotted Taichi and Koushiro. They were both standing together, but not talking to each other. Koushiro looked, as always, perfectly composed. Taichi was red in the face and seemed very hot and bothered about something. We all exchanged uncomfortable glances and trailed over to them. Koushiro smiled when he saw us.

"I have a theory," he announced. "This static mist is the raw magical energy that Kelimon and everything she brought with her from the Magiworld is composed of. Now Kelimon has been deleted, everything from the Magiworld is dissolving. It takes much longer than digital energy does to dissolve, because digital energy is instantly reabsorbed by the Digiworld. The magical energy has no access to the Magiworld's mainframe, so it requires more time to disperse."

"Wow," said Jyou. "And I thought we were looking at the end of the world. Silly me."

"Same old pessimistic Jyou," I muttered. Tai grinned at me, and I caught his eye and grinned back. The last of the mists were fading, and our fearless leader looked about him, taking stock of the situation.

"Right!" he said commandingly. "Time to go rescue our Digimon, I'd say!" This was met with enthusiatic agreement from all - even Koushiro - and Tokomon announced that he would lead the way. So Takeru, carrying him, walked at the front of our customary column with Tai. Naturally, after all we'd been through, I was worried for Takeru's safety. I *had* to walk at the front too. Purely out of concern for my otouto, of course.

The three of us walked along abreast, Taichi on my left and Takeru to my right. Tokomon sat atop Takeru's hat, as usual. Takeru filled what might otherwise have been a rather awkward and embarrassed silence between Tai and me with animated chatter, and he presently slipped his small hand into mine. Tai glanced sideways at him, then leaned up to whisper in my ear.

"How come Takeru gets to hold your hand, and I don't?"

Faint heat flushed over my cheeks and my lips twitched into an irrepressible smile, but I threw my eyes back at the rest of our group worriedly. Koushiro was bringing up my usual place at the rear, eyes trained on the ground in set blankness. "Koushiro -" I began to protest.

"Koushiro," Tai butted in determinedly, taking my glove in his, "can lump it. I love you, Ishida Yamato. If he doesn't like it, it's his problem, not ours." He twined his fingers between mine, and I squeezed his hand shyly. Takeru tittered.

"TANEMON!"

Mimi pushed heedlessly between Tai and me, breaking our link, and dashed ahead. Her green leafy Digimon was bounding over the small rise ahead of us, squeaking Mimi's name at the top of her voice. As I stared in disbelief, Bukamon and Motimon also appeared. We all looked at each other and broke into a sprint. "The others are coming! They're on their way!" Motimon burbled, before throwing himself at Koushiro. The redhead dropped to his knees and scooped his Digimon up, hugging him, and Jyou greeted Bukamon similarly as Tsunomon and Yokomon appeared on the horizon. Tsunomon! I realised then just how long it had been since I'd seen him.

"Tsunomon!" I yelled. I raced at him, and a huge smile split his little face as he caught sight of me.

"Matt!" he shouted, bouncing over the ground towards me. With a final fantastic leap, he landed on my chest and I hugged him tight, grinning like an idiot. Everyone else was making a huge fuss of their Digimon. It was Yokomon who first spotted Tokomon on top of Takeru's head.

"Tokomon!" she cried. "You're all right!" The other Digimon looked round and came flitting around Takeru's partner, bombarding him with questions.

"Where have you been?"

"How did you get out?"

"Why didn't you tell us?"

I left the Digimon talking amongst themselves. Nobody else seemed to have noticed yet, but Tai was scrambling desperately up the slope on his own. Koromon hadn't yet appeared. He reached the top of the rise, and even from where I stood I could see the deeper worry etching into his features.

"Koromon!" shouted Taichi, cupping his hands around his mouth. Everybody looked up at him, and a ripple ran through them as they realised that one of our group was still absent. Tsunomon left the gathering and began bounding back up the slope, and I was swift to follow. "KOO--ROO--MOON!" Tai bellowed. He turned to me as I caught up with him, eyes round and full of fear.

"Where is he, Matt? Why isn't he with the others?"

I hesitated, unsure what to say. I'm not used to comforting people, except Takeru, and reiterating what I might say to him would just sound patronising to someone my own age. Thankfully, Tsunomon came to my rescue.

"It's Tokomon," he said, with absolute conviction. "None of us knew what had happened to him. Koromon worried most of all - he blamed himself. He sees himself as responsible because he's your Digimon, Tai, and you're the leader. I'll bet he couldn't face coming back and having to admit he'd lost Tokomon. He's gone to look for him."

"But Tokomon's fine!" I cried. "That's absurd!"

"WE know he's fine," Tsunomon pointed out practically. "Koromon doesn't. He was right behind us coming up the slope… he can't have gotten far."

Tai funnelled his hands again. "KOROMON! KOROMON, WHERE ARE YOU? COME BACK!" We waited for several seconds, but there was no reply. The others, quiet and subdued now, came up behind us. Taichi turned to face them all.

"I'm going to look for Koromon," he said determinedly. "You all make camp in those trees over there; it'll be dark soon."

A barrage of protest greeted this announcement. Sora somehow made herself heard above the others. "No, Tai," she said flatly. "It's not happening. No way. Not on your own. Kelimon might be defeated, but Myotismon's still out there. It's far too dangerous."

"So I'll take someone's Digimon," Tai said stoutly. "If they don't mind, that is?"

"Garurumon and I will come with you," I offered instantly. Taichi looked at me for a moment, then smiled gratefully.

"Thanks, Yama, and I'll gladly take Garurumon. But you've been nearly killed twice over in the last few hours and you're tired. I want you to stay here," Tai said. I became instantly outraged. How *dare* he treat me like some fragile child!?

"I am not tired!" I snapped. "If you can go trekking across the digital countryside then so can I!"

"He's right, onii." I stared at my otouto in amazement, and he curled an arm around my shin. "Let one of the others go - I want you to stay here with me. Please?"

I was torn between looking after my brother and making sure that Tai would be all right. In the end, I compromised. "Tsunomon, go with Taichi, would you?" I asked him. "Make sure he doesn't do anything overly-moronic."

"Right. Tsunomon, digivolve to… Gabumon! Gabumon, digivolve to… Garurumon!" My lupine friend trotted over to stand by Taichi. Sora stepped forward with Yokomon in her arms.

"I'm coming too," she said determinedly. "One human and one digidestined on their own is still too much of a risk."

"Agreed," I said instantly, before Taichi could argue. Our fearless leader scowled.

"It's all right, Tai," said Jyou encouragingly. "We'll still be here when you get back. I mean, unless there's a fire. Or a swarm of angry Kuwagamon descend upon us while we're sleeping. Or there's an earthquake, or -"

"Jyou!" we all yelled. He blinked, then shrugged defensively.

"What? It could happen!"

Tai shook his head wearily and turned away, trudging towards the horizon. He presently broke into a jog, Sora keeping pace beside him and Garurumon at his heels. I watched him anxiously until he vanished from sight, then lay down with a sigh. Motimon, Bukamon and Tanemon had digivolved to Tentomon, Gomamon and Palmon, and were describing their escape from Myotismon. It seemed a strange pink and blue silvery fog had swirled through the building, and it had made everyone very confused. They had been able to dazedly blunder out of their cage, which a Digimon who had almost seemed to be sleepwalking had opened, had come across their crests and digivices quite by chance, and had then staggered drunkenly outside, actually walking right past a befuddled-looking Myotismon at one point. When it became apparent that none of the Digimon could decide quite why they had been captured, I sat up and took proper interest. The others, too, seemed puzzled.

"Wasn't it so you couldn't come and rescue us from Kelimon?" Mimi asked Palmon. Palmon gave her a blank stare.

"Who's Kelimon?"

"Koushiro said something about a Kelimon earlier," Tokomon chimed in. "I didn't understand what he was saying, but then I don't usually. Who is she?"

Us five DigiDestined gazed at each other in amazement. "How can they not remember?" demanded Jyou.

Koushiro cleared his throat. "It may be a side effect of the mist," he put forward. "Perhaps it scrambles the digital programming so that no trace of the Magiworld, in reality or memory, remains."

"Then how do we remember?" Mimi perfectly voiced the question that had been on my own lips.

"Because," explained Koushiro, "we're not part of the Digiworld's programming. We come from somewhere else."

"Ahhh." We all nodded sagely at each other. "Well done, Koushiro," I congratulated him.

Koushiro's only answer was a glare so fierce and full of hatred that it truly shook me. I don't let a lot get to me, but the way Koushiro looked at me was unnerving. Like I was dirt. Less than dirt. Like I was something less than dirt, and he wanted nothing more than to be able to squash me flat underneath his purple sneaker. I looked away quickly. Koushiro was a year younger and several feet shorter than me, but in that moment I experienced true fear of him.

I was determined to wait up for Tai. Takeru dozed off beside me as dusk descended, and Jyou, Mimi and Koushiro chatted amongst themselves a little way away. I hate to admit it, but Tai was right. I *was* tired. I kept steeling myself to keep my eyes open, only to snap awake a few seconds later as I caught myself drifting off again. I wanted to get up and walk around, but Takeru was leaning on me and I didn't want to disturb him. Against all good intentions, I eventually sunk into an exhausted snooze against the tree…

"Ice Wolf Claw!"

__

"Run!"

My eyes snapped open and I was on my feet almost before I was awake. It was pitch dark and there was a battle going on nearby. Takeru was clutching my leg again and Sora was trying to lead me away from the noise, shouting something in my ear that I didn't catch properly. "Where's Tai?" I bellowed back. "WereGarurumon!"

"This way, this way!" Sora cried. She was dragging me away from the battle. "Matt, come on!"

Was Taichi back there? I heard a distinct "GIGA BLASTER!" from between the trees, and knew he must be. I ripped my arm from Sora's grip, oblivious to her pleas, and began sprinting as hard as I could towards the commotion, yelling Tai's name - and skidded to a sudden halt. Digimon of all shapes and sizes were surging through the trees, blasting obstacles out of their path with various attacks. Sharp claws and gleaming teeth glinted at me from every direction. I froze in panic, and they came at me like a wave.

"Ice Wolf CLAW!" Just as I threw my arms up in front of my face, WereGarurumon bounded in front of me and hurled the closest Digimon back with his attack. "Matt!" he growled. "Get out of here!"

"Where's Tai!?" I screamed. But the Digimon were upon him, and WereGarurumon was too busy fighting for his life to spare me breath. I looked around wildly. MetalGreymon stood battling to my left - Taichi had fouind Koromon, then - and Birdramon, Kabuterimon, Patamon, Ikkakumon and Togemon were all in the fray. Of my fellow DigiDestined, I could see no sign.

"Matt!" And there was Sora again, pulling on my arm as though she wanted it to come off. "Taichi's this way, baka! Follow me!"

That was all I needed to hear. I dashed after her as she threaded her way swiftly back through the copse. "Takeru?" I shouted at her.

"With the others!" she answered over her shoulder. We cleared the last of the trees and there they all were, Jyou comforting a frightened-looking Takeru, and Koushiro grimly holding Taichi back, who appeared to be struggling to be be allowed to throw himself back in amongst the trees. Mimi seemed to be getting a good kick out of panicking, but changed her shrieks of panic to ones of delight when she spotted Sora and me approaching.

"Here they are! They're all right!" she squealed. Taichi at last broke free of Koushiro - or maybe Koushiro had let him go - and flung himself at me. We collided hard and I hugged him as tight as I could, feeling a similar grip glomp itself onto my leg. The noise of the battle still raged from the trees.

"What's going on?" I heard Jyou's voice demand. "Where did all those Digimon come from?"

"_I_ sent them!" roared a voice from above us. Taichi and I sprang apart and stared up at Myotismon, who curled his upper lip at us. "How touching. The friends are reunited. Enjoy your solidarity while it lasts, DigiDestined!" He glared at us all menacingly. "It is clear to me that something strange has occurred in the last week or so. How responsible you DigiDestined are for that strange occurrence is not something I am entirely sure of - however! Make no mistake about this: I am my normal self again, and this army of my forces proves that to each and every one of you. Fear me, DigiDestined. Soon, I will have you all in my power!"

The madness of his laughter echoed in the night air long after he and his army had departed.

* * * * *

The sun was beginning to rise, and the campfire had smouldered down to its last few glowing embers, which occasionally crackled and spewed out plumes of ash. Everyone else was asleep. I had drifted into that hazy, dream-like state between asleep and awake where everything is fuzzy and warm. The feel of Tai's hand running slowly through my hair, and the sound of his heartbeat beneath my ear, were very relaxing. I sighed heavily, sleepily.

"Back to normal, then," I mumbled. "At least, as normal as the Digiworld gets."

"Mmn," replied Taichi. I think he was nearly asleep, too. There was a long pause. Then, "I think Myotismon's forgotten all about her as well. Kelimon, I mean," Tai said.

I nodded. His dramatic speech had been but a couple of hours ago, but Myotismon seemed like a very distant memory just then. Across the campfire, Jyou snorted as he inhaled a blade of grass, and rolled noisily over. Koushiro muttered and turned his head away. I watched Koushiro until my heavy eyes slid shut again.

"It's funny," I speculated, a little more awake again now. "I never thought Koushiro would turn out to be… you know… phobic."

"Me neither," Tai agreed. "But there's always gonna be some people, you know…" His voice trailed off, a little hopelessly. I suddenly needed to make something very clear.

"I don't care, you know," I said. "Koushiro, Otousan, anyone… I don't care what they think. I don't."

I felt an oddly out-of-shape kiss on my forehead, as though Taichi had been smiling as he'd planted it there. "I know you don't," he whispered. "I don't either, but we've still got to be careful who we tell, when we get home." He sighed. "_If_ we get home."

"Don't say that," I said immediately. "Never say 'if'. It's 'when'. It's got to be."

I felt Taichi swallow beneath me. "But what if it's not?" he said quietly. "I'm the fearless leader, right? I'm supposed to get us all home. What… what if I can't? What if I never do?"

"You can. You will. We all believe in you, Tai - _I_ believe in you. I believe in us, the team. And I know that we can make it. I just know it, Tai." I raised myself up a little, and looked into his troubled eyes. "Okay?"

"…Okay."

"Good." I kissed him, taking my time about it. He wrapped his arms around me, and pulled me back down on his chest afterwards. I smiled. I could still taste him on my lips as the thick blanket of sleep began to pull itself back over me.

"Goodnight, Yama-chan," I heard, as if from some distance away.

"Night, Tai-chan," I murmured in reply, already almost asleep.

"I love you…"

I think I told him I loved him too, but it may just have been a small incomprehensible sigh of content. He carried on stroking my hair, and I could still feel it long after I had become oblivious to the waning heat of the fire, and to the sound of Jyou's soft snores, and I think I dreamed that he was still stroking my hair long after his hand had slipped to the floor and he, too, drifted away into blissful slumber.

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Watch out for an epilogue! Ti x


	13. Epilogue

* * *

*Disclaimer* - I don't own the characters, never have done, never will do. Sueing me will earn you all of $5.36 and if you're really that desperate for cash then you can start saving money by getting the hell off the internet. Unless you have a completely free server of course. In which case I envy you greatly. Anyway, on with the fic... 

Author's Note: I always wanted to do an epilogue for ALBoH but I wasn't sure what to put in it. It was Ella JW who gave me the idea for this in her review of Part 11 ^_~ so all credit to you girl! This epilogue is for joo ^^.****

A Love Born of Hate

Epilogue

It's nine fifteen on a Saturday morning, and as such I am still in my pyjamas watching cartoons when the doorbell chimes. Otousan has gone to work at six and won't be home until lunch time, so I'm a little wary about answering the door as I'm alone in the apartment. I peer sleepily through the spy-hole, and yelp.

"Hang on!" I rush into my room, yank off my pyjamas and scramble into some decent clothes. "Coming!" I shout down the hall, darting from my bedroom to the bathroom. I snatch up a comb, drag it through my hair sideways and pause only briefly to admire the effect in the mirror. It needs gel, but there's no time. I fly back down the hall and pull the front door open.

"Ohayo, Taichi," I say breathlessly.

Taichi smiles broadly at me and says, "You've got your top on back to front."

I look down at myself, and curse. "Kuso! Ah, whatever. Come in." I shuffle my top round as Taichi kicks off his sneakers. "How come you're out of bed this early?" I tease.

"Well…" Tai attempts a goofy grin, but it isn't as genuine as usual. "I haven't actually gone to bed yet."

"Right…" I steer him into the living room, plonk him down on the sofa and switch off _Inu Yasha_. "What's going on?"

"Well…" says Tai again. He twiddles his thumbs. He looks so adorable when he does that. I shake my head, smiling, and sit down beside him, slipping my arms around his middle. He kisses me, and then leans his head on my shoulder. "I was writing something," he confesses.

"All night?" I can't keep the disbelief out of my voice. Tai can't write for more than five minutes without complaining of hand cramp.

Taichi shifts his position and draws his feet up underneath him. "Yeah. All night," he says comfortably. I raise my eyebrows.

"Writing what, exactly?" I ask. I can't deny being a little suspicious, and I think he's enjoying it.

With a slight flourish, Tai produces a squashed pile of papers from his back jeans pocket. "This," he says dramatically, tossing it onto my lap. Curiously, I pick up the top piece and began to read aloud.

"Life sometimes has this funny way of -"

"Right then!" Taichi leaps to his feet, interrupting me. "I'd better be off!"

I grab the back of his shirt and pull him forcefully back down. "You only just got here. You aren't going anywhere yet," I order, pushing him onto his back and abandoning the sheaf of papers in favour of flumping myself on top of him. He mutters something I don't quite catch.

"Nani, Tai-chan?" I say sweetly.

"I said, 'You're not reading that while I'm here!'" he repeats crossly. "It's about - you know, in the Digiworld. I wrote it all down. And I'm not going to suffer the embarrassment of just sitting here while you read it!"

I'm quite taken aback by this little outburst. I look from Tai to the papers, and back again. Then I chuckle and nudge his nose with mine.

"Okay. I won't read it yet," I promise. "But for now, you're going to stay here with me and play Time Crisis. All right?"

Taichi's eyes light up. He loves Time Crisis, although he can't play it for toffee. "All right," he agrees readily. He scoops his papers off the sofa while I set up the PlayStation, and we get down to business.

After about half an hour, repeated virtual death begins to wear Taichi down, to a point where he finally declares that he doesn't want to save the president's stupid daughter anyway, and lets me do all the work. Fifteen minutes after that, the clunk of his head onto my shoulder alerts me to his complete exhaustion.. He's fast asleep.

"Oh, Tai…" I have to smile. Carefully, I slip out from underneath him and lower him gently onto a cushion. I switch off the PlayStation, fetch my duvet to pull over Taichi, and brush the stray strands of hair out of his face - he looks so cute, I can't resist touching. And then my eyes fall upon his precious pile of papers at the sofa's foot.

It's obvious that Taichi is going to be asleep for some hours. So, I make myself a mug of tea, curl up in the armchair with it, and begin to read what Taichi has written.

* * * * *

Life sometimes has this funny way of taking everything that's stable in a guy's world and turning it upside down and inside out. It's not a pleasant experience, and it happened to me twice over the summer. The first, I got transported to a whole different world and told to save it. And before I could even recover properly from that shock, the second bombshell struck. I fell in love. With another guy.

To this day I don't know why I developed feelings for Matt. Even of all the _guys_ in the world, he was the most unlikely. Damn, but he was an arrogant bastard back then! There was nothing I could say that he wouldn't argue with. No plan I suggested was ever good enough. No joke I cracked could ever make him smile. He was the absolute bane of my existence.

That night when Myotismon brought MegaStatumon to freeze us all, I thought at first I was the only one who'd escaped his attack. Then I found out Matt had gotten away too, and almost wished it had just been me. Rescuing the others would be hard enough without him bickering over everything I said. Only he didn't. At least, not as much as he could have. I put it down to his worrying about Takeru being all frozen. He even agreed with my stupid idea for him to 'distract' Myotismon's forces. God, that was a really dumb plan. And it was because… it wasn't really a plan. It was just meant get him out of the way, so I could get on with rescuing the others without him interfering and arguing all the time. It's a godawful thing to admit to. But he did argue with me a lot, over some really stupid things sometimes.

Well, my dumb little not-really-a-plan worked. They all chased off after him, and I snuck in and let the others out. There was a bit of a tussle with a couple of guards, but Birdramon, Gomamon, Kabuterimon and Palmon easily took care of it. We made our way back to Takeru - I figured that's where Matt would be - and the little guy had eventually thawed out, and come looking for us with Patamon, Agumon and Gabumon. But Matt was nowhere to be seen.

We looked for him all day. By the time night fell, I was close to panicking. I wanted to carry on looking but Sora wouldn't let me, said everyone was tired and we needed to rest. That exhausting ourselves wouldn't help Matt. But I couldn't sleep, anyway. It was my fault. I'd sent him off as a distraction, wearing my T-shirt, just to get him out from under my feet, for god's sakes! And now he'd been caught. I was sure of it. If he'd been hurt, I'd never have forgiven myself.

Gabumon was worried too, of course, and Takeru was beside himself. By the end of the second day, I finally had to voice everyone's fears. Myotismon had Matt. And I was killing myself with guilt.

"We'll go and rescue him tomorrow," Sora promised. I didn't want to worry her, so I agreed. But after everyone else was asleep, I left her a note explaining that I'd gone to rescue Matt, and took Agumon and Gabumon with me. Takeru was muttering something in his sleep in a distressed way. I looked away, feeling sick. What if I was already too late?

As we were approaching Myotismon's standing, sudden harsh laughter made me jump out of my skin. Agumon leapt in front of me protectively and Gabumon bared his teeth, but it was only DemiDevimon.

"What's this?" he cackled. "A rescue mission, for Blondie? Some hope!"

I glared at him. "What's that supposed to mean?" I demanded. God, I hoped Matt was all right. Please let me be in time, I prayed.

"Just that he's locked away in Myotismon's deepest darkest dungeon, down the East wing staircase. You'll never get to him down there," DemiDevimon replied smugly.

"Wanna bet on that?" I yelled, hands balled into fists. Now I knew where he was! Stupid little DemiDevimon. "Agumon, go!"

"Pepperbreath!"

But DemiDevimon was flapping away. "You'll never get to him," he called back in a sing-song voice.

I was such a moron. Of course it was a trap. But on I charged, straight into the castle. My first clue should have been that Matt's crest and digivice were right in the main hallway, in the trophy cabinet, just waiting for me to take them. And how could I not have found the complete lack of guards suspicious? Baka! Down the East wing staircase - there was a Bakumon there, but Agumon digivolved to Greymon and Novablasted him, and he ran away clutching his smoking rear, conveniently dropping the keys. Greymon de-digivolved, and I snuck inside…

I cannot even begin to describe what a relief it was to see him. His hair was a mess and his clothes were rumpled and dirty, and he had enormous dark shadows under his eyes, but god, he was alive! I wanted to rush over and glomp him. Instead, I grinned and waved.

"Hey, Yamato," I whispered. "I've come to get my T-shirt back!"

The dumbfounded look on Matt's face was worth a million yen. He spluttered a few half-formed questions, and I grinned still wider as I cheerfully answered them. I dragged him out and hurried him down the hall, and then suddenly, there was Myotismon. I can pinpoint the precise moment when I realised what a bloody idiot I'd been. I'd gotten Matt caught - again.

I didn't ask myself why I suddenly cared so much. But for some reason, Matt was my friend now. And friends look out for each other. That's why I planted myself defiantly in front of him and said, "I don't think so. You're gonna leave him… us, alone. Let's go, Agumon!"

I said 'him' to Myotismon because I desperately wanted to make up for getting Matt caught, by protecting him. But I quickly changed it to 'us' because, although I wanted to be Matt's friend, I didn't know if he wanted to be mine. I didn't exactly want to openly announce that I now cared about him, in case he scornfully threw it back in my face.

It's difficult to remember clearly what happened next. Agumon and Gabumon were digivolving and Myotismon was looming in front of us, and there was a lot of green smoke everywhere, and Matt was trying to go back for Garurumon. I couldn't let him do that, he might be hurt. So I went back instead. My lungs were burning and my eyes were itching, and then everything started sliding out of focus, and…

Back in the dungeon, I woke up suddenly. I think I made Matt jump, because he seemed kind of wary of me, and wouldn't look at me properly. Or maybe he was just mad at me. Probably. So I got mad back. He was so damn _calm_ about the whole thing! Don't know where our digimon are, don't care. I think I was mostly mad at myself, actually, for being such a total moron. But at any rate, I took it out on Matt, and there we were rolling around wrestling with each other on the grubby dungeon floor.

He got the upper hand and pinned me down, glaring at me with his trademark angry defiance. And, glaring back up at him, something inside me just went _bounce_, and my heart rate suddenly picked up and started hammering away nineteen to the dozen. Like when somebody makes you jump with fear, only… different. The same kind of adrenaline rush, but an opposite emotion.

Right then, that exact moment, was when I fell in love with Matt. I see it now. But god, I was so dense at the time.

He was shaking. Matt was shaking, and I was having an adrenaline rush, and we were both frozen there, him holding me down, with our eyes locked. I didn't know what it meant and I sure as hell didn't want to find out. So I started ragging on Matt again, to start an argument, because I understood arguing. What I didn't understand was why I suddenly wanted to put my arms around him and promise to look after him. So I shoved him off me and wrestled him to the ground. "What's your problem?" I demanded. Matt snapped back, and we yelled at each other for a bit. He closed his eyes and refused to look at me, and that made me really mad. I remember screaming at him. When he eventually looked at me again though, his eyes were kind of red and raw. I stared. He was almost crying because of me. The anger melted, forgotten, and concern took its place.

"Yamato?" I ventured. "Have you been -"

"Have I been what?" His voice was lifeless.

"Well, uh… crying?"

The moment was interrupted. That was when Sora called out to us, and Ikkakumon blasted through the wall above. I caught a glimpse of a large brick hurtling towards my face just before Matt pulled me out of the way. I landed against him, his arms wrapped around me. And for a moment, one single blitzing thought occupied the whole of my mind.

__

I'm home.

I wrenched myself away and glared at him, suspicious of his intentions. It was easier to be suspicious of Matt than to be suspicious of myself. But all suspicion was wiped from my mind when Matt apologised for being such an ass earlier. I guess I should have apologised too, but I was kind of in shock. I'd only ever heard him apologise to Takeru before. I was flattered.

We started making our way out, and I helped Matt up (even though he pretended he didn't want me to), and then we were free and we were friends and the sun was shining, and life had never been better.

So trust Myotismon to wreck it all.

It was freaky enough seeing Takeru in a state of deep-freeze. But the way Matt just petrified in front of me and toppled over like a dead thing was terrifying. I caught him and started screaming bloody murder at Myotismon, which was very productive I'm sure, but luckily everyone else kept their heads. Sora and Biyomon vanished off somewhere while Patamon, Ikkakumon, Kabuterimon and Togemon attacked Myotismon and MegaStatumon. I dragged Matt away from the fray. It looked like a losing battle until Sora reappeared with Birdramon, Koromon and Tsunomon. The little guys digivolved all the way up to MetalGreymon and Garurumon and, caught by surprise, Myotismon and MegaStatumon were forced to retreat.

That was at about midday, and it wasn't until the next morning that Matt finally woke up. I'd fallen asleep. I tried to stay awake, honest I did, but I ended up crashing out at about four in the morning. Takeru's shouts woke us all up when his brother came round. Again, I wanted to glomp Matt. It made me uncomfortable so, after a bit, I went off with Sora on a food-hunt, just to get away from the weird feelings he seemed to evoke in me. But still, I couldn't stop thinking about him.

It did my nut. By the time we'd gathered enough fruit for everyone, I was so jumpy I was panicking just at the thought of going back to camp and seeing him. I frankly wanted to run as far as I could in the other direction. I was defensive, snappy and irritable at the meeting we held later. That's why I bit his head off, just for making a joke. I was tired, too. And it slipped out, without my meaning it to. I declared, very loudly, that I cared about him. In front of everyone.

And he scornfully threw it back in my face.

That hurt, and it hurt deep. Not only was I hurt, I was scared because Matt's scorn wounded me more than it should have done, and I was angry at myself for giving a damn about the opinion of that jackass anyway. Half of me hated him. The other half wanted him to take it back so we could be friends again. I didn't want to fight with Matt. But I couldn't just pretend he hadn't made me upset and angry either. I didn't know what to do. I needed a time out. I turned, and walked. Matt tried to call me back. He sounded sorry, but it was too late to unhurt my feelings. I ran.

I guess I was gone for about twenty minutes. Mostly I kicked tree trunks and cursed under my breath. At one point I started crying, but stopped it up. I couldn't justify my being upset, at least not with any reason that I wanted to hear. Angry was safer. Angry at him, and angry at myself. Angry at not understanding this strange bouncing inside me whenever I looked at Matt.

When I got back, all the others were sat around the campfire, talking in low voices. Matt wasn't there. I sat down with everyone and threw myself into being cheerful and cracking jokes. It was my best defence against being asked if I was all right.

Ten minutes became twenty, which gradually bled into half an hour. I gathered from Takeru that Matt had gone off in the opposite direction to me. When a full hour had passed since he had left, I was forced to admit that it was time to go and look for him. I was fiercely determined to absolutely kick Matt's ass when we found him. What gave him the right to worry everyone - to worry Takeru? God, I was mad at him like I'd never been mad at him before.

But when we caught sight of him, Matt was pelting away from a couple of fierce-looking digimon, and he looked like he'd been crying again. When we called out to him, he regarded us with the panicked stare of a deer caught in headlights, and dashed off again. If possible, my rage grew. _Nobody_ hurts my friend and gets away with it! While Sora tended to an injury Matt had got from tripping over a tree root, Agumon and I stormed off to find the fierce-looking digimon who'd been after him and kick the crap out of them. Of course, Matt insisted they hadn't touched him. But then, he would, wouldn't he? It wouldn't suit his image to be beaten up on.

Luckily for the digimon, I couldn't find them anywhere. I returned to camp still a little angry, but I guess the walk had done me good. I was still a bit mad at Matt, to be honest. I didn't like being mad at him, but there it was.

I lay awake for a long time, trying not to muse on how I felt about him. It was fast becoming undeniable. But I still refused to think it in words. I did a kind of mental dance around the issue for about an hour without ever getting any closer to answers - or to sleep. I stared at Matt's back in confusion. What in the hell was happening to me?

That was when Matt rolled over and caught me staring at him. I jumped. So did he. He started some kind of lame apology for saying what he had, and I didn't really want to forgive him at first. Like I said, it was easier and safer to stay mad at him. But then I remembered my stupid plan to get him out of the way, and how none of this would have ever happened if I'd just co-operated with him in the first place instead of trying to get rid of him. I sighed. I had to forgive him.

We chatted for a bit, friends again. Friends one minute, hating each other the next… Whatever next? I thought in amusement. Then I quickly decided not to try and answer that question. Conversation petered out, and we bade each other goodnight. I closed my eyes.

Without warning, searing pain ripped through my stomach. I gasped, clutching my sides. _Shit_, that hurt! I folded myself in half as the pain doubled, tripled. I whimpered something. I was vaguely aware of Matt staring at me, horror-struck. And then I wasn't aware of anything anymore, for quite some time.

* * * * *

My eyes cloud over at the memory, and I glance across at Tai's sleeping form, just to reassure myself that he's still breathing. _Paranoid_, I rebuke myself. Of course, he's fine. But I was so scared for him that night. I still have nightmares about it sometimes. I couldn't cope if Taichi died, I really couldn't.

My tea is cold - I took no more than a couple of sips before forgetting all about it. Putting the papers to one side for the moment, I get up and make another mugful. I watch Taichi as the kettle boils. He's dreaming; his eyes are darting about behind his closed lids and the fingers of his right hand, sticking out from beneath the duvet, are twitching. He's probably busy winning the championship soccer league cup, or something.

The kettle clicks at me, and I pour my tea. I place the mug on my coaster and take a moment to simply sit on the floor beside the sofa and watch Taichi dream. The strand of hair I brushed out of the way earlier falls back over his face, and he wrinkles his nose and snorts a little at the tickling sensation. Smiling, I tuck it back behind his goggles and take his hand, pressing it against my lips with my eyes closed. And for the millionth time, I thank whatever powers that be for the fact that Taichi is alive, here and in love with me.

With a silent Amen, I tuck Tai's hand back under the covers and return to the story he has written.

* * * * *

I had a really weird dream while I was passed out, which helped explain a lot - or rather, forced me to accept the explanation I'd been trying to hide from.

I was back at the summer camp. It was a free activity hour, and Matt and I were chilling out under a big shady tree. We were completely alone. I was lying on my back looking up at the tree, from which some interesting-looking penguins were hanging. I guess that was my dream's way of remembering that there was snow at the camp. Dreams are weird.

My eyes were closed. The grass was tickling my bare arms. And Matt was saying something.

__

…Tai. I guess I should take up Takeru's advice. I... I want to be your friend. I've wanted to for a long time. I know we fight a lot, and mostly I start the fight, but I don't know how else I'm supposed to get your attention. Until recently, you've never strung a sentence together to me except when we're arguing. I just want...

I opened my eyes to look at him. He was sitting beside me, smiling at me. The sun was behind him and I had to squint. Matt's voice was still talking. But the lips of the Matt in front of me didn't move an inch.

__

I don't know how to tell you this, Tai, but... for a while now, I've wanted us to be friends. More recently, I've wanted... more than that. I don't expect you to feel the same way. To be honest, right now I'm not sure how you feel about me but - I love you, Tai.

Matt was still smiling at me. And then, he got up, and walked away.

__

Wait, I thought. But I couldn't speak. I scrambled up and ran after him. He was only walking, but the faster I ran, the further away he got. I was running so fast. It was a still warm day but the wind whipped past my ears as I hurtled across the field. I leapt over a stream and vaulted a wooden fence and found myself in a dark forest, and I was dashing between the trees chasing the flitting image of Matt I kept seeing in the distance. And something was holding my hand and pulling me forward faster and faster, and then I must have fallen over because I was lying on my back again and oh look, there was Matt leaning over me, and his lips were moving but I couldn't really hear him, but that was all right, because what was important was what _I_ had to say…

__

I love you too, I said.

He looked shocked. And in my dream I felt so exhausted, and the colours of the forest were all starting to bleed together, and I felt faint and weak, but somehow triumphant, as though I'd solved the oldest riddle of all time. Of course, I thought muzzily, it all makes sense now. I love him, that's all.

Needless to say, I was considerably less pleased with my epiphany when I awoke the following morning.

A host of faces clustered around me asking if I felt all right. Matt wasn't among them, for which I was deeply thankful. I couldn't have faced him just then. I felt sick, but I knew it had nothing to do with my physical condition (which, I later learned, was down to an allergic reaction to the fruit we'd eaten the day before). I was in love with Matt. I knew it, and I couldn't hide from it anymore. All I could do now was hide it from everyone else.

I forced myself to grin and talk to him normally when he came over, and tried to make sure that at least one other person was always around when he was with me - otherwise, I just knew the conversation would stick very uncomfortably. But I couldn't keep myself surrounded forever. As dusk began to fall, I found myself facing Matt alone. He offered to leave me in peace but, as uncomfortable as I felt around him, I still longed for his company. I told him to stick around.

He said he needed to talk to me. He looked serious. My nerves jangled, and suddenly a horrible suspicion hit me. _What if he loves me too?_ Oh hell. Please, don't talk to me about that, Matt, I thought desperately. Anything but that. Please.

Turns out he wanted to know about something I'd said when I woke up 'for the first time'. I didn't know what he was on about for a moment. And then, as if the first wasn't bad enough, another horrible suspicion hit me.

__

Do I talk in my sleep?

Heart thudding, I told Matt I was tired, and he left me alone.

Sora told me that was when he ran off. Cocooned in my own panic, I didn't even notice. The others fell asleep one by one waiting for him to come back. But the next thing we knew, it was broad daylight again, and Matt and Gabumon and Takeru and Patamon had vanished. Matt was getting really good at vanishing by then. I cursed him under my breath, but god, I was worried. He hadn't come back all night. Something must have happened to him. And Takeru must have gone off looking for him on his own - they hadn't left together, Sora was adamant about that.

We decided to split up. Sora, Mimi and Jyou would go one way, Koushiro and I the other. We were just about to set off when Garurumon came pelting into the clearing, gasping something about a plan by Myotismon to split us up and promising to lead us to Matt.

"What about Takeru?" asked Jyou.

Garurumon swept his gaze over the group. "Takeru's missing?"

This was bad. "Let's just find Matt first," I said. "Who knows, Takeru may have found him by now. At least we know where Matt is - right, Garurumon?"

"Right," the wolf growled. "Follow me!"

It was a long haul, so our digimon all digivolved to champion stage, and we rode them. It only took us about an hour that way. Garurumon led us right to Matt. He was spread out unconscious on the bank of a river. He was pretty out of it, but he was safe and alive. And I was SO mad at him. Mad at him for doing this to me, for somehow making me care about him and then worrying me half to death by just vanishing with no explanation. He was so god damn selfish!

I leapt down from Greymon, who de-digivolved to Agumon. The other digimon returned to their rookie levels too. I made a beeline for Matt and started shaking him like a rat and screaming at him. It didn't take him long to come round.

First Gabumon tried to calm me down, then Sora, but I wasn't in a calming down sort of mood. I stayed plenty angry. I stood and glared at him as he explained about a new digimon called Kelimon, who was in league with Myotismon, and how she'd taken away Takeru using her hypnotic powers. I took every opportunity to snap at Matt and demean him. I told him it was his fault that Takeru had been captured, that the world would be a better place without him, and that he didn't care about anyone but himself. When we reached Myotismon's standing he said something about Takeru loving him, and I said rather snidely that nobody would ever love someone as selfish as him. I tried to say it like I meant it. And he just gave me this _look_ and said, "Yeah, makes you wonder, doesn't it?" And I thought, _shit_. My heart sank into my sneakers. _He knows_. I quickly began organising everyone into a rescue force, head spinning. Could my life get any more complicated!?

Somehow, Matt and I ended up standing guard together, preparing for a forceful invasion. Sora had a lot to do with that idea. Well, thank you, Sora.

Matt and I successfully avoided looking at each other for several minutes. Then Matt, seemingly with a supreme effort of will, nicely asked Agumon and Gabumon to give us a little time alone. I whimpered inwardly. I didn't want to have the conversation that I knew, sooner or later, had to be had. So, I upped the aggression. Matt tried to be rational, and I could see what an effort it was, and I felt awful for stamping on his brave intentions. But, dammit, I was scared.

I overstepped the line, though. I flipped the wrong switch. I told Matt it would be his fault if Takeru died - and god help me but it was _meant_ to hurt him. That was the point. I was meant to mentally score myself a point as that little expression of desperate pain flashed across his face. But I got more that I bargained for. And suddenly, giving me the shock of my life, Matt just dissolved in a crying heap right there in front of me.

I would have given anything then to take back what I'd said. But the damage was done. Seeing him in tears, and knowing that it was because of something I'd deliberately said, undid me. I felt despicable. And this time, the desire to put my arms around him and promise it would be all right was too strong. I reached out and, nervously, snaked an arm around him.

"You okay, man?" I asked, and promptly cursed myself for asking such a thick question. Of course he wasn't okay! Without even planning to I pulled him closer, and he wrapped his arms around me and sobbed into my T-shirt. I stroked his hair and murmured what I hoped were comforting words. I was this close to kissing him - forehead, cheek, lips, anywhere within reach. It took steel effort to restrain myself. God, his hair smelled nice.

"Man, I'm sorry," I apologised. "That was a really dumb thing to say." He just shook his head, wiping snot all over my shirt. Gross. It made us both giggle, though.

That bouncing feeling was back inside my chest again. And the scariest thing was, I really didn't want it to stop. I wouldn't have minded staying right where I was… maybe forever.

Jyou put paid to that though, coming crashing through the trees shouting that Sora, Koushiro and their digimon had all been captured. Mimi showed up soon after. The moment was ruined. But I vowed then and there that I would never, ever hurt Matt's feelings like that again, so help me god.

We mounted an attack on the front door of Myotismon's castle, but it held fast. And then a human-type digimon with catlike ears and a fox tail skimmed over our heads on dragonfly wings, and I was introduced to Kelimon. I didn't make it a lengthy introduction. Matt yelled at us all to run, and run we did.

A cry of pain from behind me that could only have come from Matt stopped me dead in my tracks and, without thinking, I spun around. Kelimon's mesmerising eyes swiftly became my whole world, and the next thing I was really aware of was Koushiro slapping me and all our digimon attacking Kelimon. I could hear Patamon, and Biyomon and Kabuterimon. I stood up, taking stock of the situation as quickly as I could. Where was Matt?

"BLUE STUN!"

In that last instant, I saw him, staggering away from Kelimon in a drunken sort of way. Then, rippling blue energy swept over me, and I was unconscious even before I hit the floor.

I was the first to wake, and I surveyed our situation with a sinking heart. We were back in the dungeon that Matt and I had been kept in before - we kids were all together, but our digimon had been taken elsewhere. And Takeru had blood all over his fleece. I stared.

"Kelimon got him," said Jyou quietly. He'd woken up just after me, and went over to examine Takeru. "It was an ice attack, called Razor Shards. They didn't go in too deep, but he'll be in a bit of pain when he comes round."

I nodded and swallowed. This was all my fault. If I had concentrated properly on the rescue mission instead of focussing on being a total bastard to Matt, this mightn't have happened! I was the leader. I was responsible for everyone. And I had let them all down, big time.

The others woke up one by one. I was expecting Matt to be majorly mad at me. In fact, he told me it wasn't my fault. I was quite surprised by his generosity, but nevertheless grateful. Matt comforted a sniffling Takeru and the others talked among themselves while I wracked my brains for a solution to the mess we were in. I had to find a way out. The others were counting on me. Several half-formed plans drifted in and out of my mind, but the more I thought about it, the more I realised there was only really one option left to us. I'd landed everyone in this dungeon. It was up to me to get them out of it.

Heart thumping and feeling slightly sick with nerves, but resolute, I yelled for the guard and ordered him to let me see Myotismon. The little Bakumon quailed under my glare and fled to inform his master of my demand.

Everyone looked at me expectantly. But I couldn't tell them what I was going to do. If I did, they wouldn't let me do it. And this was their only chance so, dammit, they were going to take it whether they liked it or not.

The Bakumon came back and let me out. Everyone was exchanging worried glances. I looked round at my friends. God, they'd been so great to me. I wished I had something to leave them. But I only had one thing…

"Hey, Matt," I said, forcing a little smile. "Take care of Agumon for me."

"Take care of… but -"

I turned away from his frantic face and followed the Bakumon up the stairs. I could hear him shouting at me to come back. I squeezed my eyes shut. I was doing this for him; for Matt and for all the others. I wasn't going to let Myotismon hurt them anymore.

Bakumon ushered me into a long hall and shut the door behind me. A long, red carpet led up to a plush throne that I presumed belonged to Myotismon. Kelimon, however, was the one sat in it. Myotismon was stood beside her with a platter of grapes, dropping one into her mouth every so often. I felt repulsed, but nevertheless steeled myself to advance.

Kelimon looked down her nose at me as I approached, and Myotismon sneered. "Come to pay our final respects, have we?" he said. He smiled widely and cruelly, displaying his sharp fangs.

"In a way," I said boldly. The thought of the others, locked up back in the dungeon, was the only thing that kept me from taking to my heels and running the hell out of there. "I have a business proper - prepa - persition -" I gave up on the long words. "A deal to make with you."

Kelimon laughed. "What could you possibly have that we want?"

"Whatever it is you want, you can have me for it," I said in low voice, keeping my head down submissively. "I'll co-operate, I won't be any trouble. You can even kill me if you like and I won't raise I murmur. I swear it. Just let my friends go. _Please_."

There was silence. After a moment, I ventured a peek. Myotismon's shoulders were shaking and Kelimon was trying not to giggle behind her hand. When they saw me looking, they both burst out laughing properly.

"How noble," Myotismon chuckled. "But why would I need to strike such a deal? I already have you all. I could kill you all if I wanted!"

I saw red - probably not the smartest thing to do under the circumstances, but I never have been the sharpest tool in the shed. "Dammit, let them go!" I screamed furiously. "You don't need them! You don't have the right to keep them here! Whatever you want you can have from me, but stop being such a _fucking sadist!_ You -"

A sharp backhand slap cut my tirade off and sent me sprawling to the floor. Kelimon towered over me. I tried to scramble backwards but she stood on my ankle, hard. I winced. God, she didn't look heavy, but it hurt.

"Get this, squirt," she snapped. "We'll have what we like, when we like, from each and every one of you, without making any concessions in order to get it. You'll do as we say, or you'll die all the faster. Am I making myself clear?"

When I didn't answer straight away, she picked me clear up my the collar and threw me against the wall. My head smacked back against the bricks and stars clouded my vision. "I said _am I making myself clear?_" she yelled.

"Y-yes," I gasped, trying to focus my eyes.

"Good. Now let's make something else clear. I'm used to getting what I want. And right now, what I want is a world of my own to dominate. The Digiworld's all very nice and all, but I think you'll appreciate that it just doesn't have all the home comforts of your own world - plus, humans are just plain easier to kill and enslave. I'm going to your world, boy, and I'm taking it over. Your digital energy, and the digital energy of all your little friends, is going to get me there. And nobody - not Myotismon, not anybody from your world, and most certainly not _you -_ is going to stop me. Clear?"

I staggered to my feet, staring at Myotismon in amazement. "You're just going to let her do this?" I demanded incredulously. "You do realise, she'll be more powerful than you? She could come and take over the Digiworld and have you killed any time she wanted, if you let her take over the human world!"

Myotismon looked confused for a moment. I think I was beginning to get through to him. Needless to say, Kelimon didn't like that much.

"Silence!" she snapped. I sailed across the room again and jarred painfully on the floor when I landed. Her lips curled cruelly. "Do all the DigiDestined children have as much spirit as you, Child of Courage?"

"Every one of them," I answered her defiantly.

She tsk-tsked. "That'll never do. We'd better make an example of you, to discourage any would-be trouble-makers."

She bore down menacingly upon me, and for the next ten minutes, my whole world was pain.

* * * * *

I jump as the worn old mug in my hand shatters under the pressure of my unconscious clenching grip. The lukewarm remains of my tea spill all over my lap and one of the broken shards slices cleanly across my palm. I curse and clutch my hand as blood oozes from the cut. Carefully removing the shattered pieces of mug from my lap and placing them on the floor with my good hand, I shuffle across to the kitchen and manhandle the first aid kit out from under the sink, cleaning and bandaging my cut as best I can.

He'd looked in bad shape when he'd come back. But reading about what that bitch had done to him made my chest ball up in a tight knot of outrage and pain. I close my eyes and lean against the work surface, trying to stop my arms shaking.

__

Matt? Ungh…ow.

The memory makes me want to scream. Taichi just didn't look right like that, bruised and beaten. He was born to win. He was the brave, strong, fearless leader. He kept us all going. My pride had taken just as much of a blow as if I was the one who'd been battered - I felt humiliated and ashamed, not of Tai, but for him. I'm surprised to find that, even months later, thinking about it still brings tears to my eyes.

I push my tea-soaked jeans off, dump them in the laundry basket and fetch another pair from my closet in my room. My hand stings like hell. I struggle into my clean clothes, dump the remains of my mug in the trash and blink hard to clear my vision before reading on.

* * * * *

Like I said, I'd suspected that Matt felt the same way about me. He confirmed it when I returned to the dungeon, with a simple slip of the tongue. He called me 'baby' by mistake. I stared for a moment, and he tried to pretend that he wasn't turning an almost neon shade of pink, and then I wearily decided to just let it pass. I was still hoping, I think, that the whole thing might just miraculously blow over if I ignored it for long enough. For the time being, I was content to pretend to myself that I wasn't comforted by the worried attention he was lavishing upon me. I ached all over, and I must have looked pretty bad to him. I also pretended to myself that I wasn't grateful for his arm around me as we staggered out to Kelimon's carriage later that night. He wasn't just supporting me physically, though, and I knew it. But I was too tired to go another round at the same old 'mental versus emotional' battle.

It was because of Matt that I didn't give up. He'd told me not to give up hope, so I clung to it grimly. That's why I persevered for three hours solid trying to pick that sodding lock with Mimi's hairclip. I took a five minute break to cry a few silent, frustrated tears while everyone else was asleep, and I was nearly asleep myself when I finally cracked it, slumped against the door jiggling that little pin almost mechanically. That's why, when the lock suddenly gave, I went head over heels clean out the back of the carriage, Matt right beside me.

We were lucky we were above water at the time. When Matt didn't resurface right away, I panicked, thinking he was drowning. But then I felt him bump against my legs, and dragged him up into the air. He gasped for breath and clutched onto me like - well, like somebody drowning. And the feeling that he needed me just made my chest go _bounce, bounce, bounce_… God! I berated myself. You nearly just died, and that's all you can think about? Of all the stupid times and places to have fuzzy feelings about someone!

I forced myself to concentrate on the matter at hand. There was a beach nearby and we made our way towards it. Once ashore, I wrung out my T-shirt, and had to squash the urge to smirk at the way Matt was trying to pretend he didn't want to stare at me. I was beginning to think this love lark might have its perks after all.

We started trekking across the barren desert before us, in hope of reaching somewhere we recognised. God, I was so exhausted by then. I tried not to let it show, I wanted to get us to relative safety, but I guess the way I couldn't keep my eyes open more than halfway kind of gave it away. I felt Matt's arm slip around me, and then he was lowering me to the ground, and I tried to get up but my legs were as weak as water. I remember being about to try again, but I think I fell asleep.

I was so comfortable when I woke up. I could feel sunshine nearby, and I was curled up on something soft. Sleepily, I stirred and opened one eye. An expanse of green tank top greeted me. I froze for a second, then raised my head. Matt was asleep against a tree trunk, and I had been snoozing practically on top of him. He had one arm round me, for chrissakes! And damn me for liking the feel of it, but I did.

I knew I should get up and move away. I knew he could wake up at any moment. The whole situation reeked of big, stupid risk. So big, stupid Taichi put his head right back down and snuggled comfortably up to his friend again.

I practically had a seizure when he spoke.

I didn't really hear what he said because my heart was suddenly thundering so loudly in my ears, and I leapt about a mile back. There was so much adrenaline flooding my system, the world seemed to move in slow motion. He was so at ease with himself. He was in control of the situation and knew it. I could barely breathe, and my limbs were twitching with the urge for action that the adrenaline brought. _Fight or flight_, I thought, the words flashing inside my brain, that and a million other thoughts tumbling around inside my head. I felt electric with excess energy.

__

So this is what total blinding panic feels like, an insanely rational part of my mind mused.

He spoke with confidence. I floundered and burbled. He bade me come closer. Automatically, trembling, I obeyed. I couldn't look at him, god, I couldn't. I could feel his finger titling my chin up. He was going to hit me. I screwed my eyes shut.

He kissed me.

My thundering pulse became a distant roar, mere background noise. Every nerve end, already on full alert, tingled with excitement and fear. This couldn't be happening. It was. Matt's lips melded softly with mine, and I slipped my arms around his waist and pulled him closer. I was flying. I was on the world's most massive adrenaline high and I was kissing the guy I loved. I was soaring about a million miles up in the sky. I was…

I was kissing the guy I loved.

I was kissing a guy…

My heart seemed to slam itself against my chest wall. I couldn't breathe. I was going to be sick. I was shaking. I pushed him away, spitting, trying to take back what I'd done. Trying to take back the fact that I'd liked it, and even now wanted to do it again.

I don't want to write this. I don't want to even think about what I said and did next. I was scared. That's all. I was scared of myself. But I'd promised, after I'd made Matt cry, I'd promised I'd never do anything to hurt him again. And then - 

__

Dude, SICK! What kind of a sick freak are_ you? Make me puke!_

But… wha? Tai…

Just don't, okay Yamato? Just keep away from me!

You're saying… you don't have feelings for me?

You're damn right I don't have feelings for you!

Liar. I was a liar who was running scared. So much for the Crest of Courage.

I started us walking again, towards a forest in the distance, for lack of any better course of action to take. I kept a good distance ahead of Matt, but even so I could hear him trying desperately to choke down his sobs. The sounds made me feel sick. I felt like a monster. I turned around in a moment of weakness, and saw him stumbling along in my wake, head down, hands clutching his elbows. _I'm sorry!_ I nearly cried out. I wanted to pull him into my arms, like last time, and make all the hurt go away. 

What would that make me?

I turned around and kept walking, scoffing at his pain over my shoulder.

God, it's so easy, looking back, to see what a complete and utter bastard I was being. But there, at the time, the other option seemed just as wrong to me. More so, even. If I hadn't been stuck in the Digiworld, I would have left Matt where he stood and run home to lock myself in my room for about a week, I think. But that option wasn't available to me. Being a total bastard seemed like the next best thing.

He almost got through to me when we stopped to rest. He was _this_ close to making it happily ever after then and there, and I was just as close to giving in and letting him. And then he screwed it up.

__

Tai -

Don't talk to me, Yamato.

Oh yeah, well if you don't have feelings for me then how come you snuggled right back up to me after you woke up? Answer me that, Mister I-Think-You're-Sick-For-Fancying-A-Guy! And how come you got all hugsy with me that time when I got upset, huh? HUH?

Because... just because you were my friend, and I cared about you, okay? WERE my friend, that is!

You snuggled up with your head on my chest because you were my FRIEND?

I was in deep water and I knew it.

__

I don't have to listen to this.

Don't you dare just turn around and walk away from me! You love me, Yagami! You said so!

Oh yeah? When?

After that fit you had from eating that fruit you were allergic to! I sat beside you and held your hand and hoped and prayed that you would get better, and I told you I loved then, and you opened your eyes and said 'I love you too'... You may not remember it, but you said it, man!

I felt like I'd been hit in the stomach with a basketball. My dream… which perhaps was not entirely a dream after all… It was hopeless denying it further. I couldn't fight this anymore, it was draining me. It was like trying to hold back fire with nothing but bare hands. I was ready to collapse on the floor and give in, throw myself onto him and sob my heart out, et cetera, et cetera. And then, Matt said something really, really dumb.

__

Sora can vouch for me!

I jerked my head up as new reserves of adrenaline shot through my system. Sora knew? Well, who the hell else knew!? Tell the world, why don't you, I thought bitterly. Suddenly the situation seemed a lot bigger. It wasn't just between Matt and me anymore. There were wider issues to deal with here, ones that I had no control over. I freaked out all over again.

__

There's nothing going on here, Yamato! So just leave me alone!

Tai! Be reasonable! You know what you said!

I didn't say nothing!

I ran. From the argument, from Matt, from myself, it doesn't matter, I just ran. Fear lent wings to my feet and I quickly lost him in the closely-knit trees. I ran and ran and ran until I couldn't run anymore because my chest was heaving so much, and I staggered to a standstill and steadied myself with a hand against a tree. Far back behind me, a gut-wrenching cry reverberated through the forest.

__

You love me, Yagami Taichi! You said so!

I closed my eyes. "I know," I whispered. The hand not on the tree clenched into a trembling fist. And this time, no effort of will could keep the tears from leaking out between my clamped eyelids.

I didn't know what to do all day. I really had no aim; I had the compass to guide me in a straight direction, but how would I know I was going the right way? My restlessness led me to choose first one direction, then another, and another - I must have walked in about six circles by the end of the day, and gotten practically nowhere. But it was so much harder to shut out the thoughts when I was sitting or standing still.

The night was pleasantly mild but it took me a long time to fall asleep. I wasn't used to being alone. At home there was always somebody else in the apartment with me, and I hung out with a large group of guys at school. In the Digiworld, the other DigiDestined normally surrounded me, but tonight I was utterly by myself. I'd never really experienced true loneliness before. It cut like a knife. I slept in fits and starts, continually waking up and dozing off again. I was alert at the first distant growl of thunder.

I don't normally mind thunderstorms. Hell, I even like them. But I was alone and it was getting cold, and from the increasing closeness in the air I'd say I was soon about to be pretty wet as well. My prediction came true. With an angry burst of thunder, the heavens opened and torrential rain poured forth.

And the only thing I could think about was that I didn't know whether or not Matt was all right.

I sighed and ran a hand through my drenched hair, hanging low over my eyes from the weight of the rainwater it had collected. Damn me for worrying about him. Damn me for caring. But I couldn't just turn it off - if I could have, I would have done it long ago. The thought of Matt lying in a ditch somewhere, soaked and shivering, made my heart-rate skip up a notch. An image of a tree, stuck by lightning, keeling slowly over and then crashing down to pin Matt to the forest floor, made it begin to thud inside my chest. I started walking, eyes wide, scanning frantically. I tried to control my breathing and get a hold on the panicky feeling rising up from the depths of my insides. By the time I had imagined a pack of wild Kuwagamon tearing Matt's body limb from limb, the thunder of my heart was almost indistinguishable from the thunder in the skies. I broke into a frantic sprint.

__

"Tai! M baaa! Unee jooo!"

I stopped dead. I couldn't decipher the words but the cry was unmistakable. The shout had come from somewhere ahead of me, but it was along way off. I started forward again, pushing my body to its limit, air rasping in my lungs.

__

"Obbit! Edda kib!"

Hobbit? What the… God only knows what he was meant to be saying, but he sounded as though he was in serious pain. So was I. I'd picked up a lot of physical stamina playing soccer, but after a minute or so's flat-out sprinting the stitch in my side was unbearable. I dropped into a jog, then, wincing, slowed to a brisk walk. The sun was slowly rising behind me now, and the thunderstorm beginning to recede. When I had caught my breath, I began to jog again. And suddenly - voices! I dashed ahead - 

"Tell me what happened!" That was unmistakably Matt. I felt weak with relief. The next voice I heard, I could barely believe.

"She's from another world, the Magiworld, created the same way as this one, back when humans used magic instead of computers…"

__

Tokomon?

I nearly burst forward to greet them both. But something held me back. I couldn't face Matt, not now. I just couldn't. He probably hated me now anyway. I didn't want to have to talk to him about the things we'd both said and done. But god, I couldn't just leave him again either. What if something really did happen to him? I dithered, wracked by indecision. By the time Tokomon and Matt had finished their conversation, my mind was made up: I would trail them both for a while, working up the guts to possibly come out of hiding and face Matt later. Once again, the cowardice of my choice, and the bitter irony of its contrast with my crest, nagged at me.

Matt started running suddenly, yelling for Takeru. My insides lurched as I hurried to keep pace a hundred yards or so behind. Takeru was out here too? Where were all the others, then? We really needed to be together, as a group, in the face of the double threat of Myotismon and Kelimon. I silently snapped at myself in furious misery for not having the guts to do what was needed. I was being a crap leader and I knew it.

But still I couldn't make myself face him.

Tokomon couldn't have given him very clear instructions, because Matt was still searching for Takeru an hour later, constantly dashing in different directions. It was becoming more and more difficult to keep up with him, and at one point I thought I'd lost him altogether. Luckily I found him again, but I knew that next time I might not be so lucky. Suddenly, before I could think about it and change my mind, I started determinedly towards him. I wasn't going to be a coward anymore.

Unfortunately, I stood on a fat twig. It snapped with the sound of a gunshot, and with it so did my nerve. I shot back into the cover of the denser trees and ran like hell. It was some time before I realised he wasn't chasing me, and some time more before I realised I'd lost him again - for good. I slumped to my knees and bashed my head against a tree trunk in despair.

I considered calling out to Matt, but I didn't want to run the risk of him just running in the opposite direction. I wandered for maybe another fifteen minutes, growing more and more panicky all the time. What if something had happened to him? What if - oh my.

I blinked and squinted, the brightness hurting my eyes. I had just stepped into a clearing, and in the middle of it stood a huge tower, made of crystal or glass or diamond or something. It was reflecting all the sunlight, and blinding to look at. I backed off into the shade again, rubbing my eyes.

"Intruder! Intruder!" The front wall of the tower shimmered and vanished, and a small buzzing digimon flew out. "Danger! An intruder is attempting to escape with one of the prisoners! All guards to give immediate chase!"

There was a pause. Then,

"Where are the damn guards!?"

He was talking about Matt, I knew he was. Matt was in serious trouble. And, as usual, I didn't think - I just acted. I leapt out of hiding, grabbed the little sentry-pest, smacked it against the ground and ran inside. I could hear voices everywhere as the chase raged. I knew I couldn't afford to get caught. Glimpsing a pair of double doors, I cracked them open, checked nobody was on the other side, and slipped in.

It was a curious room. There was a line of posts across the center, and on a high shelf sat a row of cloudy spheres, each about the size of a child's bowling ball. In one set-back corner behind the door, there stood a small desk with a mirror on top of it. Otherwise the room was bare. I pressed my ear to the door and tried to gauge what was going on outside.

"How _dare_ you! Cretinmon, take the brat back to the keep."

"Takeru!" Matt's anguished voice stabbed through me like a knife. He'd been caught, then. God. I chewed a fingernail and tried desperately to think of something to do.

"Your bravery amuses me. I'm not going to sacrifice your brother first, you trouble-making little runt. I'm going to sacrifice _you_."

I realised, with a jolt of further panic, that Kelimon's voice was coming closer. I scanned the room for another exit. There was none. Out of options, I scrambled underneath the desk just as the doors flew open with a theatrical bang. It sucked as a hiding place, but I hugged my knees and prayed she wouldn't look round.

Matt stumbled into view, Kelimon keeping a tight grip on his ear. He was gasping for breath, he'd obviously just been running. He was terrified and trying not to look it. I'd do anything to make him safe. I knew it like a fundamental truth of the universe. I'd die in his place if it was the only way to save him. I felt strong enough to rip Kelimon apart single-handed.

She tied Matt to the middle post, then stood back and smiled nastily at him. "Let's see. How much can we make this hurt?"

I was hoping she'd leave the room, even if only for a few seconds, so I could untie Matt and we could make a dash for it. The likelihood of it was dwindling.

"Any last words?"

"Go to hell." I silently cheered him, and tensed myself for action. Kelimon was laughing.

"I admire your spirit. Too bad I'm about to crush it," she remarked. "Permanently."

She drew back her hand, and I shot out from under the desk and flung myself at her. Too late, god, too late! I heard her cry out her attack, and I screamed back at her - _"Leave him alone!"_ - as I hurtled into her and we both skidded across the polished floor and crashed into the wall. I socked my fist into her face without a second thought, and she slumped and lay still. Just like that.

"Should have done that a long time ago," I murmured, raising my eyebrows. "Much easier than mucking about with digivolutions and stuff."

I lifted my head, and Matt was gaping at me, dumbfounded. There was a red line across his cheek where the edge of Kelimon's razor shards had just caught him. I didn't know what to say to him. Nothing could make up for what I'd said and done. So I just said "Hi, Yamato," feeling rather stupid.

What seemed like an eternity of silence followed before Matt asked, "Is Takeru all right?" I shrugged, and studied at the floor.

"Look, Matt," I said, nervously. "We've got some stuff we need to talk about." Boy, was that an understatement. "But not here and not now. So maybe we should just…"

"Set our differences aside?" I winced at his tone of voice, daggers and ice. "Sure, Taichi, I just won't dwell on the fact that you see me as a sick perverted freak for a bit. That ought to be easy."

I tried to convince him to co-operate as I quickly untied him, but he wasn't listening to me and I wasn't surprised. Devastated, but not surprised. I started to apologise and he didn't want to know.

__

If he doesn't forgive me, I realised, _I am going to spend the rest of life regretting what I've done to him._

He wasn't beyond reason, thankfully, and was prepared to work with me to get the others out. Just as we were about to leave, though, he paused. He ran to the shelf. He grabbed one of spheres, and threw it down on the stone floor. The sound it made as it exploded was deafening. Had he gone completely mad!? He wouldn't let me drag him away and god, Kelimon was awake and coming right at us, shrieking like banshee. She lunged for Matt and he tried to scramble out of her reach - too late. He toppled, taking more spheres with him. He was down on his ass with slivers of glass sticking out of him and blood everywhere. I hauled him up, and he tried to go for the last remaining sphere, but I determinedly dragged him out while Kelimon was still caught up in her fit of hysterics. I hurried him down the corridor as fast as I could. We didn't have much time. He was bruised and bleeding and dazed and I wanted to stop and make a fuss of him, but that would have been suicide. And then, without warning, he just folded up and collapsed behind me.

"Matt! Are you okay?" I crouched beside him as he supported himself against the wall, breathing in shuddering gulps, and put a hand on his arm in a gesture of support. He shrugged it off angrily. Tears pricked my eyes. I sealed my lips shut and turned away. I really had wrecked it, then. Nothing could repair our friendship now.

After a moment, he stood, and we made our way onwards again. The silence was unbearable, but when he spoke behind me, it was worse.

"You should have let me smash that orb. It was more important than you know." It wasn't what he was saying that hurt me so much as the way he was saying it. Haughty, cold, superior. Relentlessly vicious. Hateful. He hated me. I was crying. He didn't know it, but I was.

__

"'NII-CHAN!!!"

We froze. Then Matt pushed past me and charged ahead to find his brother. I followed blindly, dashing the tears out of my eyes as I ran. I didn't know where he was leading me, until suddenly we came upon an iron gate - how big was this place, anyway? - with Sora, Koushiro, Mimi and Jyou inside. They leapt up at the sight of us, but Matt was concerned with only one thing.

"Where's Takeru?"

I grew steadily more and more horrified as Koushiro explained that Kelimon had taken Takeru as a sacrifice to open the portal back to her own world. Matt dashed off again, and I promised the others I'd be back before dashing after him. Neither of us knew where we were going. We came to a fork. Matt went left, and I took the right path.

My corridor seemed to stretch on forever, but I kept going, feet pounding, breath rasping. Matt couldn't live if Takeru died, I knew that, I'd seen how much he cared for his little brother. Even if he never spoke to me again, I needed to feel I'd gone some way towards making amends for the things I'd done. I'd still look out for him. I wouldn't let Takeru be hurt. I couldn't watch Matt go through that pain and not be able to comfort him!

* * * * *

I have to wipe the tears from my cheeks and eyes because the writing is becoming too blurred to read. He really cares about me. God, he cares about me so much. I am humbled. And I am so, so grateful.

* * * * *

I came upon a suspiciously familiar-looking set of double doors, and peeked inside. Smashed glass carpeted the floor, and I felt a sudden dryness fill my mouth. I had come the wrong way. I had come in a full circle. And Matt was back there somewhere… with Kelimon.

I turned, and ran as fast as I could the way I'd come. My lungs ached, my muscles burned. I always thought that, if you really loved someone, you could push your body beyond its limits and make it perform miracles to save them. That's what happens in movies, I guess. But movies are just movies, after all. They're not real. And I couldn't run anymore. My legs refused. I could barely manage a brisk walk, and I cursed myself for it. I had a stitch like you wouldn't believe. I wanted to kill myself running, if it would save him. But it wouldn't, and I couldn't.

It seemed an age before I passed the point where Matt and I had taken our separate ways, and aeons before I reached a winding staircase. I staggered up it, clutching the rail. As I neared the top, I heard a familiar high-pitched voice calling out a taunt.

"Hey Kelimon, come and get me! I'm running away!"

"Blue stun!"

Takeru's small form pranced into view, and then collapsed as the shockwave hit it. New reserves of energy - from where, god knows - rattled through my system, and I started towards him, crying out his name.

"You!"

The vicious snarl to the left of me made me turn my head, and there was Kelimon. "Where's Matt?" I yelled, fisting my hands.

She graced me with a twisted smile that chilled my insides. "You're too late. I already killed him."

For several seconds I just stared at her stupidly. That couldn't be right. It couldn't just end like this, like… God, he couldn't _die!_ I'd know if he was dead, surely, I'd have felt it somehow…

"Well, you know now," Kelimon said harshly. I hadn't realised I'd been speaking aloud. "He's dead. I threw him in the pit."

For the first time, I took in my surroundings. A smouldering round chasm engulfed the center of the room; I could feel the heat radiating from it. Matt? In there? I couldn't look. I couldn't think it. My knees gave way and I landed hard on the floor, hands clutching my elbows, staring into the ground. A bubble was rising from deep inside me, and it exploded from my mouth in a harsh sob. There were too many tears. I was drowning.

"He's my best friend." My voice quavered uncontrollably as I spoke. "You can't just kill a guy's best friend, just… I never told him!" I was gone, I was in pieces. "I j-just ran away from him, and now… now… This is all my fault! If I hadn't been such a bastard to him, this w-wouldn't have happened!"

"Shut up!" Kelimon yelled. I raised my head and bored my eyes into her hatefully. Her. She had done this. She had stolen my beautiful Yama-chan's future. Everything about him that had made him so special was dead now. Those haunting eyes and that hard attitude and the unshed tears that linked them both… gone. I would never see him again. He had kissed me once, and I had pushed him away. I could never tell him how sorry I was. I could never kiss him back. He had died hating me, and he would never know how much I loved him.

I was going to kill Kelimon if it was the last thing I ever did. 

I flew at her like a demon, screaming something, god alone knew what. I went for the first thing that came to hand. And I ripped her wing clear out of her back with no more effort than it takes to pull the wings off a fly. She screeched hard enough to shatter diamond. I shoved her. And she tumbled into the pit, and was gone. Her screams were cut abruptly off. She was dead.

But it was an empty victory, because it couldn't bring him back.

"Matt…" I shook like a leaf. I didn't want to be here, feel this. I would have done anything to see him one last time, or to hear him say my name.

"Tai…"

I froze. It was such a weak cry, had I imagined it? Was I cracking?

"Tai! Taichi!"

I dropped to my hands and knees and scuttled to the edge of the pit. Oh dear sweet Jesus, it wasn't a trick, I wasn't mad, he was there, alive! "M-Matt?" I stammered.

"Yeah!" He was crying too. "Get me out of here!"

I looked around for something to let down to him, but there was nothing. Fate had given me a second chance to save him. I wasn't going to throw it away. I couldn't cope with his death the first time, let alone a second. "I'm coming down to get you!" I shouted, trying to ignore the hungry red energy storm that pulsed below.

"What? Don't be such a pillock." I swung my legs over the lip of the pit and began to lower myself. "Tai! Moron alert!"

"I don't care." I didn't. I didn't give a damn. I just wanted everyone to be safe, and I didn't care what I had to do to get it. Matt was yelling at me to climb back up, but I kept going. Not much longer now. Not much longer, and everything would be fine. It was so hot. I was frying. I was so tired. But I wouldn't give up. I am Yagami Taichi. I don't quit.

He slipped, and my insides lurched horribly. I stuck out a hand to grab him. It seemed to move in slow motion, and then, by some miracle, I had him by the wrist, and he was scrabbling for a hold on the craggy wall again. I climbed up a little and, with forceful persuasion, he followed, inch by inch. He was exhausted, he was ready to give up and let go, I could see it in the glazed expression of his eyes. Damned if I was letting him. So I shouted and pulled and bullied him into clawing his way slowly back up to safety. And suddenly Takeru was there too, pulling me, and I was pulling Matt, and gradually we managed to haul him up, and he collapsed on top of me in a gasping heap. I gently eased him further away from the edge, and Takeru flitted about him in a panic. I calmed him down and, picking a key from where it had dropped into the floor, told him to go and let the others out. He nodded, and scuttled off. Matt and I were alone. I had so much to say, and no idea how to begin to say any of it. So for a long time, I said nothing, and simply stroked his hair as he lay with his head in my lap - a reassuring and very much alive weight.

"Are you all right?" I asked finally. He shook his head, but opened his eyes and smiled at me. It was a rather wobbly smile.

"I will be, though," he said.

I couldn't help it. I had to hold him, to feel him solidly in my arms and know for sure that he was really there, that he was really okay. We kind of dissolved into each other's arms by mutual consent, and I was squeezing him so hard I was afraid I must be hurting him, but he didn't raise a murmur, he just held on tight too. The tears were welling again, I could feel them.

"I thought you hated me," Matt whispered.

I shook my head violently, burying my face in his neck. Nervously bringing a hand up to touch his face, I said, "I don't hate you, Matt." Wow, understatement of the year. I wanted to go on. I wanted to tell him how much I cared about him - loved him. But the lump in my throat was getting in the way. And, yeah, I was still a little scared. I hoped he'd understand what I was trying to tell him, just by saying it wasn't hate I felt, but something else.

"I know," he replied simply. I pulled back, studying his face carefully. Matt's eyes met mine, and I was struck with wonderment at how very different we were. Like opposite poles of a magnet, hopelessly and irresistibly attracted to each other. And just like a magnet, I was being drawn towards him, wanting so much to taste him again. His eyes dropped shut a fraction before my own, and then it was like a butterfly had fluttered past my lips, so delicate at first, but then firm, and real, and wonderful. And I knew I had nothing to be afraid of anymore.

~_Owari_~

* * * * *

I am overwhelmed. Sincerity isn't something I often associate with Taichi, and yet it shines through his writing like a brilliant flame. I had no idea he could write like this. I am touched by his honesty, and envious of the ease with which he expresses himself. I tried to keep a diary once, but gave up because writing my emotions down made me feel uncomfortable. I wonder if Taichi keeps a diary? Probably not. He's too haphazard to write in it every day. I look back down at the sheaf of paper in my hand, and hope that Taichi will let me keep it. Or at least make a copy.

He's been sleeping for some time now. If I let him alone too long, he won't be able to sleep properly tonight, and then he'll be tired on Monday. I move over to the kitchen and begin making him a mug of cocoa. Taichi loves anything with chocolate in it.

Just before I go to wake him up, I quickly scan the sheets of paper again, and I find something I didn't notice the first time around. There's something else written on the back. It looks like a note.

__

To my Yama-chan, it reads, _So now you know everything. I'm sorry I was a goofball. Still love me!? Love you loads and loads and loads forever, Taichi. X X X X PS If you laugh at me about this, I will gut you like a fish._

I have to laugh. Only Taichi could follow up a proclamation of eternal love with a death-threat. Setting the note firmly aside, I gently stroke Tai's cheek with the back of my fingers to wake him.

"Mmmmf." He rolls over and buries his head under the blanket. I roll my eyes.

"Wake up, sleepyhead," I order him. "I've made you cocoa. I'm not going to let it go cold, you hear?"

Taichi emerges, blinking owlishly. "I was just resting my eyes," he says in defensive tones. I shake my head, but I'm smiling. I kiss him.

"I read your story," I say. His eyes dart up to look at me.

"And?" he says guardedly.

I search for the right words. They're not there. They never are. He takes my silence the wrong way. "Were you… offended?" he asks anxiously.

"No. I loved it," I say. "It made me feel…" It sounds dumb.

"Feel what?" Taichi probes. I shrug with fake nonchalance.

"…Special?" I suggest. I am given a searching look.

"How special? Did it make you feel like the most special person in the world?" he demands. I blush and look down. I'm useless with this mushy stuff.

"Well, did it?"

"Yes," I whisper, hoping the floor might eat me.

"Well good," says Taichi, folding me up in his arms. "Because you are."

He says that to me so much. Even if it's not the truth, it's nice to know he thinks so.

"I read back over it, briefly, before I gave it to you," Taichi goes on. "It wasn't meant to be as long as it was. But as I went on I got more and more into it and added more and more detail… and suddenly it was five in the morning. I thought then that I should leave it where it was, I mean, I wanted it to have a happy ending…" He trails off uncomfortably.

For a moment I say nothing, contemplating his words. "You're thinking about Koushiro, aren't you?" I hazard. Taichi nods.

"We were pretty good friends before. I miss him," he says simply.

I bite my lip. "If you had the chance, would you change what happened?" I ask uncertainly.

"Yes," he says immediately, and my heart sinks. "I'd do anything to change how I treated you. I was such a damn bastard."

I smile, relieved. "It's over now, forget it."

"I can't. I hurt you. I -"

I press a finger against his lips to hush him. "Do you have any idea how happy you've made me since? I've long since forgiven you, Taichi. There's only two more things you could possibly do now to make me any happier."

"What?"

"Forgive yourself."

He thinks about that for a while. "The second?"

I grin. "Shut up and kiss me."

He does. I think it's going to be a great Saturday.

* * * * *

****

Appendix

Wow! I finally finished it! To all my readers, I love you guys! *huggles* Before anyone asks, yes, there will be a sequel. But **wait**. I know so many of you are going to hate me for this, but the announcement must be made.

__

The sequel will **not** be a Taito.

I'm sorry guys, but there are good reasons for this decision. Four, in fact:

1)After 12 chapters and an epilogue, I feel I have successfully done Taito to death. I could not possibly write any more of it.

2)I like variety. Other pairings interest me too, and I want to explore them

3)I honestly cannot picture a lasting relationship between Taichi and Yamato. They'd end up killing each other.

4)My mouto-chan Izzy has corrupted me. You can blame her at bow_to_me_meatbag@hotmail.com. 

If you have any questions, see below. If you have a question that isn't listed, feel free to email me (KaeTixx@aol.com). However _don't_ ask me what the sequel is going to be about or what pairings will be involved, because I shan't tell you. :-P

****

Q.If it isn't Taito, how can it be a sequel?

****

A.The sequel takes place two years later, after they have split up, and references will probably be made to the plot of ALBoH. You won't need to have read this fic to understand the sequel but it will help.

****

Q.So will Taichi and Yamato still feature heavily?

****

A.Yes, yes and YES. I haven't abandoned them as characters, I still love them both. They will play central roles.

****

Q.How many chapters will there be?

****

A.*shrug*

****

Q.Will there be yaoi?

****

A.Hell yes.

****

Q.Will there be citrus/hentai?

****

A.I don't know yet. If there is it will be fairly tame because they'll still be a year younger than Zero Two (thirteen), and while I'm aware that there are thirteen-year-old boys in the world who get up to all manner of dubious deeds, I'm not into shotakon. It shouldn't get any higher than R, and maybe not that far. (Sorry Meg!)

****

Q.Will you take as long between chapters as you did with ALBoH, you infuriatingly slow web-bitch?

****

A.Quite probably.

* * * * *

XD! Ti x

*** The sequels are now up!

http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1033193

http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1033197


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